Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy!!!!!!

I am so excited I am bouncing off of the walls today!!!!!

Why am I so excited you ask???? Well, I went to weigh in today and got such a whopping result I did a double-take in disbelief! I lost a massive 2.1Kg in one week!!!!! How did I do that?!?!

I can tell you that any form of tracking is going to keep you honest and accountable for everything that goes into your mouth. It also keeps you in check with what sorts of foods you are eating and how you are going in terms of progress. I do online tracking with Weight Watchers and being able to track my food and exercise exactly is so good because I can add in the foods I have eaten, even if they are homemade!

I have also stopped eating things that have gotten me into trouble many times before. I have developed a love of strawberries which have been the most awesome snack because they make me feel full and also adding fish into my diet has helped enormously. I always lose weight when I eat tuna and this week was no exception, having had a tuna steak for dinner on Monday night. I also ate my points, every single last one of them.

Anyone who is struggling out there needs to evaluate their efforts and look at what they are eating because it can have a huge impact, particularly counting any bites or licks that normally you wouldn't have given a second thought to. I can honestly say that by making a few changes I have managed a wonderful result this week and I am celebrating the only way I know how, by setting myself another challenge to get a good result the next time I weigh in.

Until next time,

I have been hiding......

From myself. I've been hibernating in the vain hope that denial will help me ignore the fact that I've been yo-yoing instead of losing weight. I've done so much sabotage and damage that I have turned the corner in time for a new month, a new me and in time for the new year. I weighed in last week and was disgusted with myself for allowing a 1.3Kg gain in 3 weeks. I knew I had done it to myself and that I could only blame myself, not the food for not doing what I know is best for me and my body. I have turned the corner though and have gone back to basics such as using my online tracker like a watchdog, using my journal to record mood swings, food thoughts and anything else I can think of, making sure my breakfast is not coffee and toast which seems to make me not cope, definitely seen it this week as I have been irritable from lack of caffeine. This is not a bad thing however, my caffeine intake has maintained a constant dehydrated feeling which in itself is not good for anyone. So it has been a case of a complete 180 degree about face turn to try and reverse the damage done and get back to my former glory.

In order to assist that change I have decided to try Zumba classes, a South American dance class of high intensity that will see me sweat the kilos away hopefully and the opportunity to go to a Latin American class plus doing some swimming afterwards! I'm sure to start the process of weight loss in a good way and it will give me the incentive to keep going.

At this time of year it is difficult to keep the kilos off, especially when things like work dinners are on, such is the case tomorrow night, but having picked the restaurant myself (hehe!), I have planned in advance what I am eating thanks to the menu being available for perusal and kept within my allowance for the day thanks to some well saved bonus points! All up the night will not hurt me as much as initially first thought and I get dessert too! Also Christmas Day is looming and with 18 guests and luckily being held at my house means I am telling everyone what to bring! The year is finishing on a very busy note!!!

I hope all of you have a very lovely Christmas and a safe and prosperous New Year! Hopefully I will get to tell you guys all about my week before Christmas comes along!

Until next time,

YAY, what an experience!

Hi All,

Well I finally conquered the 10Km walk in the Race 4 Life! I managed to do it in just under 2 hours and I felt like it had been a huge achievement for me. I also met up with the leaders and staff from Weight Watchers for the Weight Watchers Pink Ribbon Lunch which was full of delicious low-point foods before going for another walk. Then I ended up staying in the city to buy Nibblies and some sheets for our bed. Needless to say, when I went to bed I had racked up a massive 20.28Km walk which earnt me 10 bonus points!! I was so stoked!! I can't wait to get on the scales this week and see the results but boy was it a great feeling knowing I had exercised so much!

I am feeling it today however with muscles aching in certain spots but as they say no pain, no gain! I kept thinking to myself that I was doing it all for some special people who I've come across in my life and I figured that if I kept their images in my head it would spur me on to keep going even though some of the inclines around the Torrens were tough going, especially in 36 degree heat. I certainly felt like I had done something special, one in memoriam of one of the people I know who passed away from breast cancer two years ago and one for someone close to me who is currently suffering through the process of chemotherapy. I keep the thought that I only get one shot in life and to make it a fulfilling one as I know that in cruel twists of fate some people don't get the chance to fully live theirs.

To the two ladies I walked for yesterday, I would proudly like to say it was my honour to do it for you.

Until next time,

OK, so I was stressing for nothing!

I was stressing for nothing today!

I lost 1.2Kg today and I feel great! I went shopping and bought some shoes to go with my new dress and thongs for summer. I bought items to wear for the 10Km walk I am doing tomorrow for the Race 4 Life which means I am fully kitted out and ready to go. I must say, losing weight has been an experience over the time I have done it. I have suffered highs and lows throughout my journey but never once have I given up. I figure if I give up then I am doing not only my body a disservice but my mind too as I can then let the old habits and thoughts creep back and return to how I looked 2 years ago. I can definitely say it will never happen because I like the fact that I am buying size 12 clothes even though I still think of myself as overweight and because I have more energy than before.

Here's hoping I don't die in the heat tomorrow when I do the 10Km walk, it is going to be a huge challenge!!! I will be doing the 10Km walk in honour of people I know and knew that have suffered with breast cancer. I'll let you all know how I go!

Until next time,

How do I handle this???

Hi All,

It's been a very tough week for me this week. I have had to get my head around two different yet equally soul destroying moments from last weekend and even this week that have taken their toll in a dramatic way. As usual, I emotionally curled up into the foetal position and ate what I was feeling on and off this past week. I am ashamed to admit it but am admitting it so that I can put it in writing to show myself that I'm still coming out the other side. I've still got some very personal demons to deal with and don't know if I'll ever truly overcome them. I am still very insecure about my looks and even though I've gone down two dress sizes, Tony tells me I am more gorgeous than when he first met me, I still can't see it. I try my hardest to push past my insecurities but when you get people tearing you down all the time it can be really hard to bounce back, especially when they make comments about your age, your looks or even your skills.

Last weekend I went to weigh in at my usual meeting on a Saturday morning. I was all ready to hop on the scales and face the numbers even though I've told myself time and again that I am not defined by a number, I am defined by how I feel. I had a feeling within myself that I had put on weight that week and I was ready for it, warts and all. What threw me off was that the person who weighed me commented on the fact that I had put on weight and then proceeded to ask why that was. I felt extremely uncomfortable telling that person what it was about my week that had caused a 900g gain. I know in myself that I've been under extreme stress with family issues, work issues and that favourite time of the month for us ladies which always causes me to go a bit wonky the week before and during that I get it. I'm not sure if I am right about this but I don't think the person weighing you has any right to say anything to you if you lose or even if you put on weight. They shouldn't say anything at all because let's face it, weight loss is an extremely sensitive issue and no one wants to have it broadcast by another person when they put on or lose weight in front of a large group of people, which for me was the ultimate humiliation as the line was up to 12 people long by the time I was weighing in. I felt really embarrassed and upset by the experience and so now I am dreading my weigh in tomorrow because if I get the same person weighing me again I don't think I will cope very well, especially if it is another gain.

I also had to deal with an issue at my church. I am a part of the choir in church and there are not many people who do it and do it well. There are only 2 teenagers in the choir and the rest of the choir are in the over 40 bracket except for the other guy who does items with his guitar and the odd choir part. When it was mentioned that a choir was needed for a particular service I offered to help out with it only to be told that someone with a more youthful approach was needed. I was shocked at this person's remark as well as embarrassed because I was being called old at 32 and made to feel very uncomfortable. I didn't think I was old and it made me feel very sad. When I've been hearing that 30 is the new 20, to be called old is really quite insulting.

These issues along with the ones with work, where I have a co-worker who is jealous that I have a data entry speed that is faster than hers and therefore I can churn out more licences than what she can, which I might add is impressing my boss and helping me to secure a permanent position within the company, are making me feel attacked and once again I am facing old demons of insecurity and worthiness which in turn leads to a battle with food.

How can someone handle all of this in one week? When do you say I give up and throw in the towel? How much must a person be kicked before they can take no more?

These issues alone are easy to overcome. All at once and the battle begins not to lose your sanity, not to devour all the foods you know are bad for you, not to start falling into old routines and old habits. It is so difficult and you wonder sometimes if you are meant to cope with all of this. I am certainly being tested at the moment but I refuse to back down. I shall simply retreat and save myself, but not to the point where I disappear and put weight back on. Going back to where I started is not an option.

Some quotes to help keep going are:

The hardest battle you're ever going to fight is the battle to be just you - Leo F Buscaglia

You will conquer by patience - Unknown

These are two that will help me this week as I fight the good fight without losing myself in the process. What are you fighting against this week? Can you conquer your battles too?

Until next time,

Win, win, win!!!!

It is that time of year when spring has sprung and we're all thinking about getting into a cossie for the summer! Well, in order to do it you have to be motivated and for me that means losing a little weight to look fab in a size 12 bikini!!!! A girl has to look fab when she is in Queensland!! This for me would be a winning situation!

Speaking of winning situations, ever wanted to be a winner??? I sure do and I know the perfect place to do it: Looking for Online Weight Loss Support? Then why don't you pop by and check out www.weareslimming.com.au/forum

This website has everything you would want in a weight loss support forum. Lots of hints and tips as well as fashion, food and lifestyle! I am a member of this forum and I love it! It is one of the most perfect ways to feel like I belong  with people who have the same goal as me - to win the battle of the bulge! Although my battle is a lot smaller now than before, I still am working on it because keeping weight off isn't easy and it isn't something you can do overnight either. It takes sheer hard work and determination which isn't something you just have. I know for me I can't snap my fingers and be instantly skinny. I'd like to but it isn't realistic when temptation is right across the road in the deli with foods that I occasionally have cravings for.

Sometimes I think being overweight and being pregnant are slightly related because you do get cravings with both. As someone who is still battling I know that I craved salt the other day and I couldn't work out why. I have done some research though and a craving for salt means you are needing both salt and potassium in your diet. Methinks I need to see my dr just a little bit and question a few things. I'd like to see my regular dr and ask his opinion plus get a new referral for an ultrasound on my kidneys to make sure I am okay as I still have pain in my kidneys even though I am no longer fighting an infection (a new challenge for me to tackle!).

Even though I am having a few rotten moments, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Pretty shortly I will no longer be a temp. My work offered me a job the other day and when they get it down on paper, they will give it to me as a formal offer and I can peruse it and make up my mind if I want the position. So another win for me!

So that is three wins in one week, possibly four though if you count the Adelaide United Women's League tickets I scored too!!!!

Here's hoping I will have an awesome week next week!

Until then,

Wow, what a weekend!!!!!

Ok, I just had THE best weekend!!!!!

Apart from my 900g loss, I got made over by Trinny and Susannah!!!! For those of you who do not know about them, they are Britain's makeover queens who take women and transform them.

I went after being invited by my Weight Watchers leader and friend Sharon to Tea Tree Plaza to watch the show. Little did I know that they chose people from the audience to partake in the makeovers and I was chosen. As you can see from the before shots, I was wearing nothing special, just my workout gear as I had planned on going for a walk later on in the afternoon and figured I would be more comfortable. I screamed "in need of help" to them and Trinny picked me.

I spoke about my weight loss and I was led away to be transformed. After the transformation I was brought back on stage in front of everyone and I couldn't stop grinning like an idiot. I felt very different! Looking at the photos you can see why:

The best part was the fact that I had caught the eye of my local newspaper The Advertiser and also the Channel 7 news team. Here are photos of me being interviewed:

The biggest highlight for me was appearing on the news and also the article in Adelaide Confidential that came out the next day:

 Of course the day wouldn't be complete without $175 in vouchers to go and buy clothes. It was the best feeling and I even got to keep the Trinny & Susannah shapewear that I wore under my dress! I even got phone calls from people and my mum had people ringing her lots about my appearances. So please excuse me while I sit on cloud 9 for a while and bask in the fact that I feel good and that I've been told I'm gorgeous, it took 18 months of sheer hard work to get this way!

I must say though, for those of you still on your journey, this is one way of celebrating some very hard work and showing off to people and having nice comments said does give you a boost of confidence and a spring in your step that you didn't have before. I would never have dared to dress like the photos in a million years, I am not that confident yet!

Until next time,

YAY!!!!!!!

Hooray for me, I finally turned things around!

Today was scale-facing day and I stared them down enough to lose a whopping 900g! Not bad for someone who was backsliding fast!!! Having looked at my eating habits, tracking what I ate for the last week and attending two meetings a week I have conquered some very big demons.

I must admit my leader Sharon was right. If you don't track then you don't lose. Kind of a good mantra to have because I also find that I don't go over my points too when I track. Funny that I did that during the week and managed a fantastic loss. Tracking has also shown me when I've had a bad day and made wrong choices and when I've had great days and kept within my points allowance.

It is funny when people comment on my eating habits and ask me if I'm only going to eat a small portion of food that they would consider a snack. That happened today when I had lunch even though I ate a very healthy meal made of vegetables. It was filling for me but looking at the other plates on the table I knew it was considered a sub-standard amount of food in comparison. I didn't mind though, it just showed me yet again how portions are over-sized generally.

How many times have you served yourself and realised your portion size was too big? How many times have you not tracked your food and found out you gained weight as a result? I know first hand and can honestly say that I have done both in my lifetime, even lately when I've gone up for an all-you-can-eat salad bar which has hidden ingredients.

This week starts anew and the challenge is on to exercise more this week and watch my daily points allowance so that I don't go over. What's you challenge for this week?

Until next time,

Doh!

Okay, so I knew this wasn't going to be easy. You all know what I'm talking about when I mention the words "weigh in". After a few months of procrastination I finally decided to face up to the scales and see just how much weight I was carrying. I estimated that I had put on 5Kg and boy was I not far off. I had put on 4.9Kg and I wasn't proud of myself. So I did what anyone would, I slunk off with my tail between my legs and re-signed with Weight Watchers to lose the weight and get back to my former glory.

I can imagine that by now you have reacted in one of two ways. The first being "I knew she couldn't keep it off forever" or the second being "I've been there X amount of times". To my naysayers out there, I ask them what efforts they have made to keep their weight in check and to the others who have been in my shoes I say let's commiserate together and get on with the job at hand.

This time I have made a new benchmark however and I am planning on getting down to 74Kg. My goal weight with Weight Watchers is 81Kg but I figure if I go below that then when I put on 5Kg I know I have not broken the vow of being over and above my Weight Watchers goal weight and I can work on going back down. I had intended on doing that the first time around but I had people saying I looked fine the way I was. I look fine now (you really can't tell much where I've put it on) but I feel uncomfortable knowing I didn't stick to it properly and let the weight creep back on.

So my new challenge is to stick with what I know works to get the weight off and then stay there. If you're in the same boat, let's share our journeys and do it together!

Until next time,

City To Bay - I made it to the finish!!!!

Hi All,

Well, I did it. I conquered a 12Km run from the Festival Centre to the front of the Beachhouse in Glenelg. I was ecstatic to reach the finish knowing I had put in the hard yards to get there. No matter how many times I stopped to have my puffer or get a drink of water from the water stations, I kept going until the end. I felt like I had conquered Mt Everest, it was a huge achievement for me and I raised $120 for the Animal Welfare League to boot. It has given me a new focus and one which I am keeping on this week.

I have decided to walk the 10Km around the River Torrens on the 1st of November in a race called Run 4 Life. It is to raise money for breast cancer research, support and awareness which is important to me as my mother in law was diagnosed with breast cancer in the same breast twice before it metastasized into her liver. She is now fighting the good fight to continue living. I am dedicating my race to her because I feel that she has given me so much positiveness in my life that has helped me in so many different areas that I should give something back and that is now my motto.

So many times we take things for granted and for me that means a lot. I feel that it is now my time to give back to those who have given to me so I have dedicated myself to supporting certain things, believing in certain things and enriching my life a lot more instead of hiding behind closed doors because I didn't feel comfortable.

I've also changed my attitude to food a little and challenged myself to find something new to try each week that is healthy, wholesome and very yummy. I think this is another challenge I can meet! I'm looking forward to weighing in on Saturday and seeing if I made a difference to myself this week with my efforts. If I haven't then I will keep on going because I will never give up.

Have you thought about giving up lately, or thinking it is all just too hard? Maybe you've decided that there are more important things to worry about than your health. I am here to tell you that you should never not worry about your health and well being and that you should make sure you are in top condition because you never know what could happen and I don't particularly want it to happen to me or anyone else. Care to try and make a difference in your life in a positive and healthy way?

Until next time,

Difficult Week

This week is a very difficult week.

I have found out that two people I love and care about have cancer. The one disease that seems to strike a lot of people is one which has now affected me directly. One person is a very close relative and the other a very close friend. It is very dark and depressing and it hurts too. How do you get past something like this? How do you not want to chuck in the towel and say that things are too hard and that you want to enjoy life the way you want instead of adhering to something? It depends on what you consider important.

For me at the moment, the importance of staying healthy, staying sane and doing things for myself help me get through every single day. I am watching my food intake and saying no when I don't feel like something, I am making sure that I don't have money to spend on fatty foods and bringing healthy alternatives instead as snacks to work (gotta love sweet chilli and sour cream rice crackers!!!!) instead of raiding the lolly jar, biscuit barrel or buying a hot dog from across the road. Drinking 1.25L of water a day certainly helps keep you full and keeps your mouth, throat and stomach busy while you are working.

It is too easy to give up and say that life isn't worth living when people around you are dying. For me, shutting down is not an option. Hence why I am making an effort to make sure I keep going. My first conquest is 12Km worth of running/walking next weekend to support the Animal Welfare League. The next conquest is to get back to the gym if I manage to secure the position going at work in 8 weeks time. I will get there, I am strong, I am fierce and nothing is going to stop me.

The question for you is, what strength do you have and how are you going to use it to your best advantage? There are different types of hard in the world (and I am facing mine at the moment) but you are the one who chooses which hard you want.

Until next time,

City To Bay

Hi there!

Well I guess after reading the title you might know what I am on about! The City to Bay run is on the 20th of September and yours truly decided it was time to challenge myself and enter! It is a little daunting to know that I have entered the huge category of 12Km run but I figure that I shall do it at intervals of walking and running so that I can get through the race.

However, my biggest problem is my fundraising efforts! I seem to have only raised $25 for a worthy cause such as The Animal Welfare League who here in SA take in thousands of abandoned and abused animals and find loving homes for them. The biggest problem with undertaking such a mammoth task as this is making sure there is enough food, bedding and toys for the animals to play with whilst they are there.

I decided to support this charity because my cat Shadow came from the Animal Welfare League and I got the most superb animal ever. He was abandoned at 14 weeks and left to die in the middle of nowhere when The Animal Welfare League came to his rescue. For the meager cost of $65 I received a kitten in healthy condition who had been vaccinated, micro-chipped and desexed. He is the most loving creature and has really warmed to our family but is very wary of strangers in and around the house.

Here is a photo of him:

So to honour the fact that I saved an animal from death and gave it a loving home I decided it was time to give something back. In the process it has meant that I have ramped up my exercise in the bid to get fit. Seeing as I only have 4 weeks to go until the big day I decided I would hit the pavement to try and increase my fitness. It has been all systems go and I even purchased a Wii Fit to help me improve my posture, balance, muscle tone and aerobic fitness for when I am unable to get out of the house. I have also improved my diet a little by choosing wisely - something I did on Friday night when I had a birthday to go to and knowing the food on offer would be high in calories, I made the smart choice to eat at home and pass on the cheesecake for dessert. I was proud of myself for having made the choice and sticking to my guns but I feel that to do anything else is going backwards. On another note, all of this healthy living is also making me lose weight. I have lost 800g this week and I am jumping for joy. I figure the more times I can go for a walk after work and even on weekends, the better I feel, the better my moods and the more I see my body change. Right now it hurts as I have stretched muscles that haven't been used in a while but I shall get there, one day at a time.

If you would like to make a donation you can go to my hero page at
www.everydayhero.com.au/sonya_carbone and help out this worthy cause!

Until next time,

Healthy Life Awards

I have just entered the Weight Watchers Healthy Life Awards!

Please help me with the People's Choice Awards by voting for me!

Healthy Life Awards

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Hello Dolly!

Hello Dolly is what I say to myself every morning now. I get up and look in the mirror and see this young thing staring back at me who wasn't there 2 years ago. Vibrant skin, bounce in the step and preening, oh so much preening!!! It is hard not to preen when you feel ultra good about yourself. You want to wear nice clothes, you want to put make up on and you definitely feel like smiling.

This week has me smiling a little bit more. Not only am I working, I am also a little lighter this week, 600g in fact. Not a huge amount but a significant loss and one I am proud of! I felt motivated when Tony suggested a 3Km walk back from the mechanic's last week in the rain, holding the umbrella for me whilst I walked next to him. I also felt motivated when I walked into KFC on Friday night and walked out again with a treat for my kids and nothing for myself, it was liberating and the funny thing was, I couldn't believe how awful the chip I tried tasted when I ate it. The grease literally coated my tongue (it is always a test for me to try out the foods I once considered a staple in my diet and see if I still liked them) and made me feel like I had licked a cold, greasy frypan. It was disgusting and I'm so glad I hate that kind of food. I literally went home and made a healthy, yummy lentil burger which tasted oh so good!!!! Nothing better than healthy food, particularly when you grow it yourself!!!!

This week has seen me eating cos lettuce out of our very own vegie patch. It is exciting watching it grow. We also have a beautiful head of broccoli forming, it is now the size of a tennis ball and so awesome because there are no chemicals on it!! Next week will see the arrival of our chooks, how nice will it be to poach an egg from a chook that has been organically fed and is also free range!!! Can't wait to see the difference in yolk colour!!

I have to admit that all the hard efforts of growing vegies, composting scraps for fertiliser and having my own chooks is only paying off for my vital organs. No longer am I a slave to the beasts lurking potentially if I had continued my previous lifestyle, now I see freedom and happiness in the future.

It is all about what you want more out of life, the right now or right tomorrow, I know what I've decided is more important, how about you?

Until next time,

Winter is.......

Depressing. Especially when you find yourself being told on a Thursday afternoon that you are no longer employed. That is what happened to me last week and I felt awful. However, I did not go and eat a whole cow or horse to wallow in how I was feeling. I decided to turn my frown upside down and do some positive stuff with my kids to end the holidays on a good note and feel better about the situation.

I went and saw the new Hannah Montana movie with the youngest, went to dinner with the eldest, went shopping with the middle child and then went out to dinner with all three of them. Figured that was enough to cheer me up!! I feel better this week, particularly as agencies are chasing me for work which is making me feel heaps better. Tony is getting excited about the prospects and even pushing for me to go full time which I am not sure I could handle unless it was a low-pressure job but I am just taking things easy for now. I figure whilst I am waiting for something to happen I can exercise and take care of myself and keep going. So Tony and I are walking every day for half an hour in the beautiful natural reserve behind our house. It is proving to be cathartic for me and I'm a lot more positive. Could be the sunshine working its magic too.

On another note, I found out today that people in my mother's circle of friends have been asking me if I am still skinny (how unfair is that!) and wondering how I did it. My mother has been telling them that yes I am still skinny and I am doing wonderful. Just to stick it to them I proudly pulled up my top and showed my mother my smooth, small belly and told her that I was doing great even if I did think that it was none of anyone's business. I am proud of myself for sticking to my guns over the last few weeks, even with all the struggling I have done.

But seriously, since when is it nice to be asking if someone has decided to slip up and become the obese person they once were??? I find it extremely rude and can't believe how narrow-minded people are to think that I would simply yo yo. I'd like to publicly declare that this is my lifestyle now, thanks I'll pass on the bad foods, I want to see my children grow up, get married and have their kids have kids thanks. I'd rather not be in an early grave or be told I contracted some horrible illness thanks to eating myself to death. Since when is it someone's business to know if I am struggling with my weight???? Is it because they themselves are obese and are too ashamed to admit it??? Does it make me human if I am or alien if I am not??? I like the fact that I can shop where I feel like and have clothes look nice on me. I like the fact that I can sit on a plane and be comfortable. I like the fact that I can now hopefully go on the swing chair ride at the Royal Show (boy am I aching to find out!) without feeling like my bottom has been squeezed into a vice. It is not up to the rest of the world to judge me, it is up to myself. Only I know the answers to all the questions about my weight.

Until next time,

Operation Get Me Back Week 6

Oops I missed a week but time flies when you are counting your steps!!!

After 6 weeks I can finally say I am back on track and feeling better. I'm still working on the greater picture but knowing that I have the right tools, the right support and the information I need to succeed, there is no failure.

Failure was something to get my head around in the last two weeks. I thought that by putting weight on it meant that I had failed, or that I had let myself down. All it meant was that I was human and that sometimes life gets in the way. I have definitely learnt that I do not need to go overboard to have a good time, I do not need alcohol to party the night away, I do not need food as a comfort if I am feeling low (I have a bed for that, sleep is the ultimate comfort) and I definitely do not need to be away from people if I am struggling.

After tracking my food for a week I realised it wasn't all that bad. Yes I had indulged a couple of times but it wasn't to the extreme. I did not see the weight police on my door when I did. I do not see my lifestyle as a life-sentence. It is a choice I make, be healthy or feel like I did 3 years ago. My choice, my decision.

This weekend is my birthday. I can honestly say that it feels fantastic to be 32 on Saturday and fit into a size 12. There is nothing more exhilarating than being able to shop inside 2 hours and come out of the stores having spent $150 and having bought 10 items to wear. I did that a few weeks ago and laughed until I could laugh no more. I laughed at all the times it took me 4 hours to find one dress, one jacket, one top, one pair of jeans and a pair of shoes. I laughed at all the times I put something on that looked nice but looked hideous on me. I laughed at the obese person I was and poked fun at the woman who would sit and cry over not being able to wear it and said "look at me now!!!!!". If I don't laugh, then I cry about it. How do you let yourself go to the point where you no longer like what you see in the mirror??

I certainly don't have any answers but I do know that I have been there and now I am back to where I like myself, a size 12 and fighting fit. I can run now without feeling like the Hulk is running, my ankles no longer look like cankles, I have lost the rash from my lower legs and I definitely move better without 25Kg on my body. Pity my "girls" are smaller but that is not a bad thing, my back is thankful.

Life can throw you a curve ball but the question is whether you can catch it and throw it back......I certainly did!

Until next time,

Operation Get Me Back Week 4

Sorry everyone I have been MIA but have been slowly recovering from a nasty headcold which is slowly clearing up. As for Operation Get Me Back, it has slowly been happening. Some little changes here and there (like going shopping!!!!) has helped me heaps, I feel more together than ever. I also have been tracking this week just to see how I am going and to work out if I'm still sticking to the plan. I'm pleased to report that I've not only been sticking to the plan but have been exercising on and off too. I prefer to park as far away from the shopping centre door as I can and walk the distance before scooting down aisles or around the massive square that is my mini-mall! It is fantastic to walk into a store I've always wanted to shop at and find cute little tops to wear with jeans, pants and skirts. I've enjoyed looking!! Tony reckons he is going to buy me a pair of short denim shorts for summer (heaven forbid!)as he is seeing the confidence I have gotten mixing and matching my wardrobe! My mother in law thinks I am a thinspiration and has decided to tackle her own weight (which is a small amount - lucky her!) and has decided to try and encourage her friends too who are all feeling gloomy about themselves, as we do in winter! I have maintained that seeing as I started close to winter, it is no time to slack off or become down about things. My house is now something I am proud of, I am able to clean up with my new vacuum cleaner, bake scrumptious low point dishes such as my vegetable bake in my new oven and make other items using my new breadmaker, which reminds me, a loaf needs to be made today!

I've spent time with people who have not known where to start improving themselves and have gotten lost along the way in their journey to trim down with Weight Watchers. Luckily I was able to point them in the right direction by getting their hair cut and coloured, nothing drastic, just a trim and a different shade than normal, talk to an expert in skin care to help their skin on their face radiate as they age, wear makeup to enhance their best features such as their eyes or lips, walk a lot to help with weight loss, something that is easy to do but something we all forget about when we have busy lives and also think about the positives which are within themselves. If everyone were to look at each area one at a time and change a few things, it is amazing to see the transformation in a person as they gain more confidence.

The other issue most people find difficult is buying clothes to hide the lumps and bumps as you slim down, buy clothes which make you look thinner, wear clothing that enhances the features you are semi-happy with at the moment but you know could do with slimming down a little more and also buying clothes which don't clash with eye or hair colour. These simple yet effective tips can dramatically make a person go from frump to fab in a matter of minutes but it is taking the first step which is the hardest. If ever you are unsure as to how to wear a particular piece of clothing, don't be afraid to ask the sales assistant to help you work it out and they may even suggest other items such as accessories to accentuate the look.

Until next time,

Week 2 - Operation Get Me Back

Well, after a tough first week of trying to get started with cleaning up my life, I have had a couple of setbacks.

The oven arrived last Saturday and I have been using it to its full advantage. I started cleaning the house and making it look tidy but the vacuum cleaner doesn't work properly and I was going to buy a new one but the model I wanted was sold out.

I have been trying to curb my eating because I've been emotional in the past 4 weeks and just when I thought I was making headway, I jumped on the scales and got upset. Although I've only put on a couple of kilos, it hurts knowing that I've done it to myself by not being vigilant. I'm here to tell you that just because you work hard for something, doesn't mean you can slacken off completely and I thought I was doing ok. Just goes to show I was kidding myself a little so now I am back at it with a bit more of a positive attitude to get my mojo back.

My moods have been nice and even which is good but it is never nice facing the scales and I am afraid of going to Weight Watchers and getting the officially recorded damage written on my card. It's the first time I have been actually petrified of weighing in. How silly is that?? A grown woman afraid of something so simple, but try and tell me that my fear is unfounded......you can't because you are in the same boat as me when you've struggled.

I will weigh in but not until Saturday morning when hopefully I will be in a better frame of mind.

Until next time,

Week 1 - Operation Get Me Back

I have tried my hardest this last week.

In a covert operation known as "Get Me Back" I have tried to bounce back. It started with re-evaluating things in my life - surroundings, people and places. I looked at what makes me happy, what I need to change and what areas need my focus at the moment. So operation "Get Me Back" is now in progress as I shape up my life without any help from self-help books, magical cures, special teas, snazzy equipment or little pills - (ok maybe some little pills).

I have decided that my space needs a clean out. I get this itch every year to clean up my living quarters and throw stuff out that is no longer needed and is just taking up space. I have a number of furniture items screaming for the dump, stuff I have hung onto for no reason etc.

As far as people goes, I feel most happiest around my friends and keeping up with the various areas within my life where my friends are. Be that at my Weight Watchers meetings, church, having coffees with them at various venues or online.

I also felt that I need to be in various places to feel happy too. It is amazing how just spending the day with friends at their house has such an impact on me. Not only am I surrounded by people who love me, but I am also surrounded by peace and understanding. There is no stress and I feel wonderful after the experience. I have realised that I am now a social creature who needs to not only spend time with family, but with friends too. I can't be chained to the house all the time, it depresses me. This was evident last week, but after going out for coffee this week, sleeping extra hours on Tuesday and an ultra busy weekend this weekend, I have no time to be upset and depressed or bored, there is way too much to do!!

I have also cleaned out the rest of my wardrobe, getting rid of old socks that have lost elastic, clothes that are too big/old/worn out, making space for items that require storage etc. The next job is to tackle the housework but I shall be doing it by tackling each room one at a time, pulling it apart, sorting it, storing the needed items properly in the right containers and then cleaning and re-organising what is left.

I am going to get myself back to the way I like myself and my life.

The life gets tackled first as it is the biggest job and as the motto goes:

the only way out of it is into it

Until next time,

The down track

Ok, I have been absent for a while, but then I have been absent most of this week with the way I have felt.

As the week has started I have had really bad PMS and been very upset. This has since spiralled into a depressive state and not something I like to be in. It kind of started last week really but has been continuing and I am now doing what I like to call the cancel game. This is where I go and cancel things I have to do because I am not up for being sociable or having conversations.

It is very hard when you are depressed because you don't feel like eating, exercising or doing much else. I am pushing myself to eat and go to work at the moment but where I can beg off of doing something I am taking the easy option. I know that it isn't right but it is a coping mechanism I developed at a time where I completely fell apart, wasn't eating and dropped a lot of weight. I looked sick at the time. So now the plan is to force myself to eat and function as much as possible which includes going to work, having a shower and getting sleep. I figure the more I try and stick to routine the better it works.

I guess this is the down track of having successfully conquered my weight. I also knew it was coming too because the weather has changed. It is now dark earlier and I've not seen the sun much and I feel slightly stressed. It happens occasionally and is not caused by another illness known as Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is because around this time it comes close to my birthday and when my birthday comes close I become disjointed as my dad committed suicide in June of 2001.

It is not something that rules my life any more but it does have an impact. I have been down on and off during my weight loss and now that I have finished accomplishing the goal I have to come off of my high that I have been on for the last 8 weeks. It is a byproduct of a good mood. Not a good way to be but then again, I never asked for it, it was dealt in a cruel blow as it is hereditary and my sister has the illness too.

I am trying to pull myself up and get back to being a happy spirit but it does take a while. At the moment I feel very tired, listless, down and out and quite sad. Hopefully we'll see the bouncy Sonya again soon.

Until next time,

I AM THERE!!!!!!

Hi All,

Sorry it has been so long but I've been out enjoying my life and revelling in the fact that I have finally achieved the pinnacle of my mountain......

I AM A LIFETIME MEMBER OF WEIGHT WATCHERS!!!!!!!!!!

I have done my 6 weeks of maintenance and am now well on my way. Having reached the pinnacle I am now coming down off of the high I've been on, you could say the aftermath of being on cloud 9. It is very easy to go back to the way I used to be but I have learnt that there are definitely some things in life I do not want:

1. I do not want to be obese
2. I do not want to be unfit
3. I do not want to lose sight of my big picture
4. I do not want to lose my way
5. I do not want to lose my new found self esteem

These are not options I want. I want to be fit, healthy and happy. I am worth every hard yard and the tears that have gone into it.

I am me and I like me.

Until next time,

I Survived!!!!

Well, it is 11pm and I am at home after being at the restaurant for dinner tonight. I had a good time although I had to deal with some child issues and enjoyed eating my dinner.

After consulting the menu and my Eating Out guide I came to the conclusion that I would be able to have some good food without the necessary calories. I ordered a minestrone for starters and had fettucine napolitana for main. I skipped dessert which was birthday cake iced with cream and had a skinny hot chocolate. During dinner I only had water and diet coke for drinks. I also had a small amount of lettuce that was dressed to top off a lovely meal with 2 small bread rolls with a tiny amount of butter.

All up I know the amount of food consumed was less than I was allowed so I could quite easily eat more now if I want but I'm not hungry, the beauty of eating power packed food for less calories. It was nice being back at the restaurant which serves delicious food and has the right ambience with the family there. It was noticed by relatives who have not seen me for roughly about a year to two years that I had lost some weight. I stood up and said to them to try 40 kilos. They were aghast that I had lost that much but said I looked wonderful. That made me feel very good.

I like being able to go out and have a relaxing and nice meal and know safely that I am not eating something that will lead to me putting on weight.

Until next time,

Last stop before LTM!!!!

Well, after a chocolate PMS fuelled week I should only get on the scales expecting a gain. To my surprise, the damage was far less than I had expected. A whole 600g, I can work that off easy.

I only have one more week before I get to life time member status and I so want to be there next week. It would mean that I have come full circle in 52 weeks, how sweet it is to know that I have conquered my weight within a year. I have pushed myself very hard to get here and maintain it. On the maintenance I have been pretty good and have known my limitations. I think that is the key to weight loss. Knowing your limitations and sticking within those limits.

My limits don't include such empty calories as soft drinks, greasy fast food, fatty or creamy dinners and portion sizes usually reserved for a whole family. They also don't include spending hours on my bottom nor procrastinating over a particular chore.

Within my journey I have learnt the following things that have helped me along:

1. Small steps are always the best and should be celebrated
2. Each empty calorie I consume will only lead to heartbreak
3. Exercise is the only way to keep my body in shape but it doesn't necessarily have to be dull
4. Allow occasional treats but don't let them become a habit as habits are hard to break
5. Water doesn't have to be boring
6. Centimetres are the best measurements to analyse
7. Experimenting with food can be fun
8. Persistence is the only way to get where you want to be
9. No one can stop you from achieving your goals
10. Support networks help you to succeed with anything

For those of you contemplating losing weight I recommend Weight Watchers. You will not only regain your life but you will also realise just how you have been treating your body all these years.

Good luck and see you at the finish line!

They're BACK!!!!!!

Today I decided to put all my eggs in one basket and without phoning, go to the jeweller and see if my rings were ready to be collected.

I got there and asked and they were in. I was so happy and so excited. He slid the rings out of the envelope and to my shock they looked so tiny compared to before. I actually thought I wouldn't get them on my fingers. I started putting them on one by one and to my amazement they slid over my knuckles, I wanted to cry. It was the final nail in my weight loss coffin, I had put the last demon inside of it and made it ready for burial in my mind. As I looked down at my hands I noticed a) I needed moisturiser really quick lol (stupid dry hands!) and b) my rings were dazzelling and so bright and shiny. Even now as I type my eyes are diverting down to my hands and in the dim light they sparkle.

Since I started my weight loss journey I've always had my rings around my neck as they were too big and I couldn't wear them. I can now proudly show off my rings and no longer feel ashamed at their size. For those of you who are curious to know what size I went from until the resize, I started at size U and went down to a P. 5 whole sizes is a lot to go down.

Now I have to keep my hands and nails looking nice to compliment my new, shiny rings lol.

Until next time,

Shifty Scales????

Hi All,

Just thought it was about time I updated you on my weight loss journey!

I decided to visit my old meeting and get weighed in so that I could have a quiet and peaceful evening at home relaxing tonight. I got onto the scales only to find I had lost 1.1Kg. Now I should be jumping up and down with joy at my achievement but I, and Tony, are a little dubious about the scales. Let me paint you a picture.....

Easter Weekend I ate like a complete pig. I had fatty foods, chocolate, cake, chocolate wafer biscuits made with dark chocolate and butter, I had alcohol and I didn't exercise much. I couldn't believe I had behaved like that. I would have thought after eating as much as I did and not exercising that I would put on weight, particularly as it is also that time of the month when I would normally carry fluid.

Tony and I are both astounded that I lost so much weight as he even saw what I put in my mouth on Easter Sunday. Tony seems to think that the scales are rigged, I think that possibly they are shifty however I have been told that all the scales all over Australia are calibrated to all be the same. So if that is the case, then basically I should have put on weight given that I ate a disgusting amount of food in my opinion (or food that had a higher fat content than normal) not lost.

In any case I have decided to accept the result seeing as I can't change it and just go with the flow. Either way, I don't care, my jeans still fit, I am happy and life is extremely good. I must say though that I am pleased I lost the weight because after viewing the DVD of my baptism, it was nice looking at a skinnier person on the screen, considering you are supposed to look heavier in front of the camera.

I look forward to the next installment of my journey (the last week of maintenance and possibly achieving lifetime member status at the same time).

Until next time,

Happy Easter!!!!

Hi Everyone,

Yes I have neglected my poor blog in the last 8 days and as usual so much has happened!

Apart from weighing in and yo-yoing still on maintenance, going up and going down is not really a problem for me as I'm still being really careful with my food, but today is the day I get baptised! I am so looking forward to it.

It is Easter Sunday morning and I am waiting for my tribe to wake up and do the Easter hunt. I have eaten only a few small, solid eggs and am happy not to be gorging myself on sickly sweet chocolate. In fact, I have actually been chipping away at a block of dark chocolate which is so much better for you because of the anti-oxidants within the cocoa beans. I must say, it is so much nicer than milk chocolate as the sugar doesn't hurt my teeth like it does when I eat milk chocolate.

Today's challenge is lunch at my mother's house. As usual, in previous years a roast would be cooked in OIL (yuck) along with roast potatoes - in OIL - and salads coated in dressing made with vinegar and OIL. Now don't get me wrong, I love my mum dearly, but seeing as she knows how much I detest highly fatty food, why is it that she must cook everything in a product that I try not to have so much of. I have gone off the taste of margarine, do not like my food soaking in greasy fat even if it is olive oil, avoid greasy foods that have been cooked in oil and generally grill, stirfry or bake most of my foods..... I just don't get it. That is okay though as it is just another challenge within my journey and one I am sure I can overcome by eating less.

Another good thing that has come out of this week was seeing my inlaws who came up from Hindmarsh Island to see us. They were most impressed with how I was looking and when I informed them I had hit goal they were ecstatic as my step-mother-in-law is also a fellow Weight Watcher who has lifetime membership. It is always nice going to their house for lunches and dinner as she knows what is suitable to eat for me. However, it was different this time and in coming to us it meant we didn't have to try and cram three large young adults in a tiny car for a 2 and a half hour drive to their house.

I also am dog-sitting at the moment and took my friend's rather large rottweiler for a walk yesterday. The walk was nice but what was even better was knowing I could run with the dog and keep up to give myself a really good workout. It was nice feeling to be running and is something I hope to do more of as time goes on.

Alas, the kids are awake and it is time for the egg hunt.

Until next time,

Celebrations!!!!!

Today I am celebrating. Not only am I celebrating my life in general but I am also celebrating the 700g loss this week. It is well justified and deserved and the scales go down again.

I am celebrating for another reason also today. For the first time ever since I've lost weight I am getting my rings re-sized. It was a very emotional thing to do, to see the last items from my days of being overweight being released into the care of someone else to spruce up, repair and make smaller. My rings were the last testimony of how far I've come. I was gobsmacked however when told I had to go down 5 sizes!!!! Were my fingers really that big??!!! I guess so seeing as they were a size U and I was going back to my old size of being a P. It was fantastic being told I no longer had to wear rings that size but also sad as the realisation of how badly I needed to lose weight preyed on my mind.

The only downside to having had my rings so long was that the claws on my engagement ring were sadly worn away and needed re-clawing, an expensive procedure, and my wedding ring needed beading to be done in order to reset the diamonds in the ring once the gold was heated. For the price I am paying, and for the journey I have been through, it is definitely worth every cent to get them resized and fixed along with my birthday ring which has my birthstone in it, ruby.

I am also celebrating the fact that I am finally getting baptised after all the trials and tribulations of not getting baptised a couple of weeks ago. I was gutted when I realised I couldn't go through with it due to a soccer match. However, the time has come and what more appropriate time than Easter Sunday. I feel amazing. My connection with God is stronger than ever as I am being drawn home to him.

All in all, the day has been one of healing and a sense of peace. I am in awe of just how long it has taken me to get here but I am glad I have made it, I feel better and fitter.

Until next time,

Meh

I am sitting here with the thought that once again it is the night before weigh in and once again I am wondering which direction I have tipped the scales. Not that I really care now because my size 12 jeans still fit but there are thoughts nagging at me that make me feel like this is too easy.

I've been thinking about how much I have not exercised this week, how much I have consumed in the last week compared to before, my choices of food and even the circumstances I have been in also. However, it still doesn't change the fact that I am still a size 12 and that fact is a good one.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, my heart always lifts after a meeting. I like finding out new information and getting support from the people around me who know where I've been. Unfortunately I've had to change meetings for the time being because of soccer training on a Wednesday night but that is ok, I can cope with that.

I am looking for other things now besides my journey to occupy my time and energy. I am the team manager for Sophia's soccer team, I work 2 days a week now, I go to Bible Study once a week and I teach piano to 3 students. Intertwine all of that with my kids' lives and I have a very busy week.

I'm looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings me, let's hope it is another ray of sunshine like I received today.

Until next time,

I'm famous!!!

I logged onto my facebook account late last night to find a message from a friend of mine informing me that my pictures were on a website I frequent a lot. I had no idea that they would be posted there or that I would be on the main page of the site. I sent my photos in as part of a competition but didn't realise that everyone would see them!

If you would like to check it, the address is: http://www.thebiggestloser.com.au/before-and-after-sonya.htm

I was absolutely thrilled and read the comments posted about me by other people telling me how well I had done. I was very proud of myself but also super excited, I had never had people telling me that I was a star and that I had inspired them. Tony also put up a link to it on his webpage http://www.trackking.org saying how proud he was of me in such a public forum. He had many of the people who play the game say how good I looked, how I should be modelling his t-shirts etc. The exhiliration and sheer impact of those comments means I feel like I am somebody now. I am no longer worthless, ugly, fat and disgusting. All of those feelings inside of me and all of those thoughts when I looked in the mirror no longer exist. Today I walk proud with my head held high.

I also had someone I hadn't seen for a while turn up for Sophia's soccer match and they asked me who I was, I just giggled knowing that I had turned the corner and no longer see myself as unattractive. I am beautiful inside and out.

Until next time,

And the scales went up......

Okay, I have to admit that this maintenance thing is a little tricky. After being on the program 2 weeks I have had the scales tip the wrong way and I gained 1.7Kg. I am not going to let it break me however and I have come up with a plan to rescue the 4 weeks of work I have undone in one week.

I think back over the last week and I know where my downfall was. I overate on some days, wasn't exercising as much, pumped too many weights and had some of the symptoms of my IBS return (that's Irritable Bowel Syndrome for those not up with the term) which showed me that I had not drunk enough water either. So it was a bad week but one I shall put behind me.

On the other hand it also taught me something. It taught me that even though I had lost so much weight up until now, it didn't mean that being human and putting on a little weight was such a big deal. Before I used to let it get to me, even if the scales moved 100g in the wrong direction.

For me however, I just see this as a new challenge and I know that I will overcome it. Maintenance I have learned is knowing when enough is enough. This is why it is called Maintenance because you fluctuate during the period you are maintaining. I look forward to getting on the scales next week and seeing if I have managed to undo the damage. Here's hoping I am successful.

Until next time,

Jean-a-licious

After a very trying start to my morning (in which I discovered that I forgot to renew my script for the pill DOH!!!), I got going with Sophia to her charity soccer match. The weather was beautiful and the nerves were a plenty. The girls played well together as a group even though it was the first time they were playing opponents other than each other. Sophia booted the ball nicely at one point that sent the ball flying through the air for 20 metres, it was a beautiful sight and a proud mummy moment.

After the game we took off to the local shopping complex to buy school clothes for Sophia and jeans and trackies for me. After doing the school shopping, we tackled the next task of jeans. I went to the one store that sells jeans for all shapes and sizes and leg lengths, Jeans West. I tried on 10 pairs of jeans, all of varying colours, designs and looks. I settled on 2 pairs of skinny jeans as I liked the way they fit. I couldn't believe that I came home with size 12 jeans for my body, it was too good to be true! I also managed to hunt down some nice trackies that will keep me warm and are long enough (I seem to have that problem with a lot of clothes!) and came home feeling wonderful, almost floating.

I would love to know within myself how I could get to a point where my appetite ruled my existence and I didn't care what went in. I have tried analysing my journey to see where the break occurred. I am still struggling with it but have seen so many positive signs within myself that I am happier now with how I look. Watching The Biggest Loser has certainly opened my eyes. I can relate to the negativity of being overweight and getting teased, I was constantly picked on for being different because of my height. It is so hard to be going through the hardest time in your life and have someone judge you and tell you that you don't fit in. I still feel like I don't fit in anymore. Through Weight Watchers I have made some amazing friends but yet again, I am not going through the same thing anymore, I am at goal and they aren't quite there yet. I feel a sense of loss with it, I feel that I should have slowed down. I feel like I am over the top at times with my zealousness to get things done, get things finished. I was never competing with anyone to get my weight down but I feel very different to how things were when I wasn't at goal.

How can you be a role model for someone or an inspiration for someone if you are doubting whether you have gone in the right direction because there is no one who you can relate to within your peer group??? I've always wanted to be friends with people who I can relate to and who I can measure up against, but there isn't anyone I know. I would love to be able to compare myself with someone because being who I am now is very scary and I could see how easy it would be to go backwards. I only can compare myself to how I was 18 months ago, that is all I have to go on and it seems surreal.

Maybe I will get the answers to the feelings I have someday.

Until next time,

Weekend Woes.......

Okay, so, just because I am on maintenance, have changed my employment status to "part time employee" and now have less time on my hands than before, I seem to have slipped a little. I forgot to track yesterday and today and blew my points. I have tried to get the amounts of food I ate as correct as possible as I don't have any idea how some of the food has been prepared but I've given it my best shot and that is all I can ask for.

I was supposed to be baptised this weekend but because of Sophia's soccer match tomorrow, I have postponed it. This upset me greatly last night and I think that led to my downfall a little. I try very hard not to eat my feelings but having TTOM and dealing with emotional issues, my resolve has crumbled a little and I haven't felt good about myself. I have questioned so much that is going on and wondered where I stood in the grand scheme of things. That said, tomorrow is another day and I will get there, even if it means scaling back my points for the day.

I did however get to see my brand new 1st cousin Sia who is the most adorable baby and so quiet too! She is an angel and I got to change her nappy. It was funny as I was asked if I still remembered how to do it (I've only not done it for 11 years!) but I did it perfectly, it was like riding a bike, I remembered everything. It felt good changing a nappy but boy was I glad about handing the baby over to my auntie for a feed. My childbearing days are definitely over and I don't want more kids, that stage of my life is gone for good.

I also went and bought clothes for myself for the first time since I got to goal last week. I ended up with a pair of size 12 pyjamas and three tops for winter in size 12. It was nice getting things from the normal section and finding that I had no issues with fit with them but some of the tops that were a size 12 were not really a size 12, they were smaller in size and I resent the fact that we do not have a standard size here in Australia, it means finding clothes is a traumatic issue for so many women. When will they get it right??? Women all over Australia don't want to walk into stores to find that a size X in one brand is a size Y in another. It isn't fair for our self esteem and it certainly isn't fair for our wallets either as some brands have charged more due to requiring more material for clothing. Designers need to get with the program!!!!!!!

Oh well, guess I will reverse the damage hopefully before weigh in next week.

Until next time,

Yeah Baby!!!!!

Okay, so another day, another weigh in. Just the results were not what I was expecting though!!!

I've lost a whopping 25 Kg!!!!!! I lost 400g today which means I've conquered my mountain for March and I'm definitely in control. Whilst I thought maintenance was going to make me balloon, I've proved myself wrong (yet again) and the surprises keep on coming.

I feel like a new woman!!!! It also helps to find your work pants that are size 14 are too big to wear and you almost fit into the size 10 on the rack but buy the 12 for comfort!!!!! That felt totally awesome yesterday.

Things feel great, I am on fire and the week is just going to get better I reckon!!!!

First day at my brand new job was fantastic too and I love where I work, the drive is peaceful and I feel refreshed once I've been up in the Barossa's intoxicating beauty.

Until next time,

Why is Maintenance So Hard????

Okay, so I've hit goal and I am now on maintenance, but why is it so hard???? I've got four extra points to eat and I am finding it difficult to stick to them!!!! I thought this was meant to be the easy part but I am actually struggling with it!!!

Okay, I must admit I celebrated the first couple of days, have been really sick with a cold and although I have gone to the gym, I felt worse than ever on the weekend. I've been running around here, there and everywhere and have still felt reasonably awful so decided today I wasn't going to the gym because my body needed some sort of rest. I have been watching what I eat like a hawk today because yesterday was a complete blowout as I ate a tiny piece of mudcake for a birthday and then had a sensible choice for dinner among the options when we had Chinese which did not include the old favourites of dim sims and spring rolls (I should have just had a sandwich at home methinks!).

Today has been good to me so far though as I've received news that I start a new job on Wednesday (thanks Derry!!) at a winery in the gorgeous Barossa Valley, which is only 30 minutes from home but in the opposite direction of going to the city. It will be nice and peaceful driving there with nothing but rolling hillsides of vineyards to go past instead of being stuck bumper to bumper at 20 sets of traffic lights to get into the city. My biggest problem now is what do I wear?????!!!!!! I tried on my suit pants that I would normally wear for work previously but since my waistline has shrunk considerably, the pants no longer fit and look ridiculous on me!!!! The only suit I have is a jacket and skirt combination that I wore to the interview last week but I don't have any tops to wear underneath it really that look nice enough nor do I have winter shoes to wear with a pair of stockings seeing as the weather has done an about face and we are experiencing rain and cold wind. It is definitely a nice dilemma to have though!!

I think I need to look at maintenance from a different angle this week and try to figure out how to achieve a good balance without going overboard. It was easy losing weight because there was a steely resolve to get to goal but now that I have reached it, relaxing a little has taken on a life of its own and I'm now having to re-evaluate how to cope with those extra points seeing as I didn't have as many as I do now even when I started. I guess that is why we have 6 weeks to manage our weight. The other hard part about maintenance is the fact that I am not allowed to lose any more weight either so if I don't use up the points then I will not really be maintaining.

Oh well, I guess on Wednesday I will see if my week has had a positive or negative effect on my weight.

Until next time,

I DID IT!!!!!!!

I got to the Weight Watchers goal!!!!!!

Was hoping for a good loss and I lost .9 Kg this week. I am thrilled!!!!! This means I now weigh 80.8 Kg and I am in the healthy weight range. Now to tackle the personal goal of 74 Kg and see how we go, not far off!

Was nervous as anything as I stepped on the scales but it was all over when they were writing on my card that I had weighed in at 80.8 Kg. I got the monkey off my back and conquered a mountain this week, I feel triumphant!!! There is nothing better than getting your first maintenance book.

I also had a job interview today and felt quite chuffed when I was told I had the right qualifications for the position, you don't often get feedback like that so I felt really positive about it. I was told that they would get back to me very soon.

On a more personal front, I am writing my personal story of what my life was like before I became a Christian, what led up to becoming one and how I have changed since then. I'm looking forward to writing it and will be sharing it at my baptism which is coming up soon. I have felt a real positive change in my life recently and it is all for the better.

I never thought things would turn out for me this week, pity I can't say the same for my stepkids' mum. She was struck down with two brain aneurysms and required emergency surgery this week. She is trying to recover but the doctors are unsure of how much brain damage she has sustained as they've had to heavily sedate her due to her thrashing about. I feel sorry for my stepkids as they are unable to see her but hopefully things improve.

This will be an interesting week methinks! Let's hope that it starts off being the best week it can be!

Until next time,

Girls Night Out!

I have never had so much fun ever with a wonderful group of ladies!

The day started out with a hard slog at the gym in order to prepare for my night out so that I didn't abuse my saved points too much. I walked a whopping 6.9Km on the treadmill before heading home to eat lunch and get ready for a very long overdue haircut at the hairdresser. I had to take Sophia with me as she needed a haircut also but had been begging me for 12 months for streaks. I discussed it with Tony and we agreed it would be okay for her to get a couple of streaks put in.

After arriving at the hairdresser I discussed the issue of funds as I wasn't prepared to spend a huge amount of money on getting my hair done. I was also paying for 2 of us and the streaks Sophia wanted. Ended up getting a fabulous deal and Don did the most amazing job with my hair giving me blonde highlights in my very dark hair on top, leaving the bottom the original colour I dyed it the night before. Sophia's streaks were in reverse, they were all underneath allowing for regrowth which made her hair look totally sophisticated and grown up.

I then flew home to find I had 10 minutes to get ready and I managed to get everything done (hair, makeup and clothes) in time but forgot two items in the process because I was flustered (more on that later). Sharon arrived to pick me up and we headed off to the city. I knew I was in for an interesting night when Sharon and I were getting on the tram at the casino to have some guy say that two of the seats were really hard to sit on (which bewildered us to say the least).

We arrived at the restaurant to find Derry, Joanne, Jo, Karyn, Tanya and Tina waiting for us outside. We greeted one another and went in to have dinner. I was a very good girl and stuck to the rule of one cup of steamed rice only along with a serve of cold rolls and beef with Thai black bean sauce. The food was delicious but the icebreaking conversation was good too!


After dinner we were met up with Dee who had been to a Fringe show who then came along with the rest of the group. We decided to stop at Cibo for a coffee which we enjoyed as I realised whilst eating dinner that I had forgotten to take a cardigan of some description and was freezing!!! I braved the cold because it made me happy to know that I could finally feel the temperature the way it should be felt! Once we left Cibo the group split up into two apart from Tanya and Karyn who left from Cibo's to go home. Those of us wanting to see the hotel where Joanne and Jo were staying went in one direction whilst Dee, Derry, Sharon and I took the tram back to the casino.

At the casino we waited for the others arrive and almost lost each other! I was nervous though as I had chosen to walk through the dance floor to go to the toilet and wasn't sure how other people would react towards me trying to get past. It was a nerve wracking experience but I managed to get through and got to the toilet with no trouble. I was shaking however which just showed how much I still thought of myself as overweight. It is definitely something that needs working on!

Once everyone arrived (except Tina as she needed to catch a train), we decided what to do next and unfortunately everyone started leaving! Sharon decided to go home at 11:30pm and took Dee and Derry home. That left Jo, Joanne and myself to have fun as I did not feel like I was turning into a pumpkin and I had only danced to one song.

Jo, Joanne and I hit the dance floor after acquiring Smirnoff Ice Black bottles to drink from and started to show off our dance moves. We were having a lot of fun drinking and dancing but we were finding a number of guys were creeping us out. The majority of these guys hailed from one particular ethnicity which we all knew was a recipe for disaster when discussing it together. We decided we did not want to be assaulted in any way and fought very hard to protect ourselves from them. We did have a few laughs regarding the old man who wore an outfit that reminded us of a horse racing jockey to whom we asked where he had left his horse!

The other laugh of the night was the white haired old man who tried to get jiggy on the dance floor with any lady who would pay him attention. We wanted nothing to do with them either and formed a tight circle of our own, saving each other from getting swarmed on. We saw a friend of Joanne's and also a mum of a child who plays soccer with Sophia in our travels and she joined us on the dance floor with her friend to really get into the spirit and the laughs became frequent as we watched each male try to make a pass at one of us. My funniest moment was at around 1am when a man decided he would target me and flexed his muscles. Seeing as I was taller than him by a good foot I decided I would show him who was boss and flexed my own bicep, to which I changed into an upper cut punch and then proudly held up the wedding rings around my neck. It was priceless and very funny but the laughs didn't stop there.

I must say that Jo is hilarious when drunk as a skunk and Joanne is funny too. The larger than life personalities of all 3 of us coupled with alcohol made for some very funny moments (such as Jo falling over onto my bag!), particularly at the water cooler in the Junction cafe when we tried to get water. I don't think Joanne quite knew that she had overfilled the glass and hence why it kept spilling as she remarked on how badly made it was!!

At 3am however we started to wind down a little, we hit the dance floor for the last time and I really let loose. Unfortunately I ended up with two guys, both 6 foot 6, trying to keep up with me on the dance floor and making utter fools of themselves as I exercised enough to keep my points tally going.

After departing town with hugs and a kiss in tow via a taxi I managed to get home in one piece (no thanks to the bad taxi driver) only to find I had forgotten to take a key and Tony in bed snoring!! I tried phoning both his mobile and the house phone, yelling at the upstairs window and knocking on the door. At 4:15am Nicola answered the door rather bleary eyed and tired of which I was grateful due to being very cold, soaked with sweat around the area where I wore my belt and walking around with blistered feet from my new shoes. I went in quietly and got organised for bed before turning out the light.

It was the best night with a lot of good memories and I look forward to the next one!!

Having woken up 4 hours later for church, I can honestly say that at 1:41am on Monday morning I am honestly tired but getting rid of visitors is harder than it seems when you don't want to be rude.

Hopefully I have broken the 700g monkey on my back this week, fingers crossed for that and also the job interview I have on Wednesday!!

Until next time,

Upset.....

I wasn't going to blog this week's result because I was really upset about it but I decided I should so that I could own it and get even with it.

This week I put on 500g which doesn't seem much in the grand scheme of things but I expected to lose weight, not put it on. So putting on weight means I am further away from goal than before and I don't want that to happen. I have now got 700g to go until I hit goal. As I sat in the meeting on Wednesday night feeling very angry with myself, I started to think why I put weight on. The only thing I could come up with was that I had not exercised enough.

So I've decided that by getting mad I am also getting even. Yesterday I went to the gym and walked for an hour on the treadmill. I then did 30 minutes of weights and another hour on the treadmill. The walking I did alone added up to 11.2 Km walked. I felt really good afterwards and even managed my points really well. I am determined to get to goal this week, even if it hurts just a little bit.

To make myself feel better about everything I am going out on Saturday night with the girls from Weight Watchers who all have 30 or more kilos to lose. I have already chosen what I am having for dinner and will just work off what I eat on the dance floor later on. It is going to be nice partying with people who understand where I've been but it is also going to be nice letting my hair down knowing that I am a lot skinnier than I was 4 months ago when I went out with Tony.

I am determined to get there and will make a huge effort this week to attempt to crack the goal line. There is no failure with my weight loss, only challenges which make you stronger and keep you motivated.

Until next time,

Nervous.......

It is the night before weigh in and I'm seriously nervous. I know it is only 200g but the thought of failure just kills me. Up until now I have been happy plodding along at my own pace but it is starting to become reality now. I wish no one had said anything to me, I would have been better off not knowing until I had done it. I've tried so hard not to sabotage it by eating the wrong things, I've exercised a good amount this week and I can feel myself getting stronger just by how little I am feeling the weights I am pushing on the machines and even just lifting myself using the ab bench is a lot easier than before. I know in my heart that I have done well, even just to get this far but it is still a frightening prospect that I will not have lost any weight. Particularly when I weighed in on Saturday only to find that even though it was a morning weigh in purely for my leader's sake, I was 100g heavier and I started panicking. I just hope that it has all evened out and tomorrow night I will get on the scales to find I have lost the 200g and all the stress was for nothing. It is hard though when you get close because you start to think "what if I slide backwards?". You've been overweight for so long that the prospect of being healthy and maintaining your weight is not achievable or seems to hard to get a handle on. I hope that I manage to get there.

Until tomorrow,

Stop now.......

before you get too skinny. This is the comment I am getting now even though I am not at my goal yet. I went to my parents' house tonight for my stepdad's birthday. All the family and friends were there and we were having a great time. When one family member commented on the fact that I had lost a dramatic amount of weight, at which point I turned around for her to see all sides of me, everyone started to agree with one another that I didn't need to lose any more weight, that I was just fine the way I was and even my sister who is getting married next year told me that if I lost any more weight I would ruin her wedding photos. Since when will I do that if I achieve my goal??? Just because I am losing weight doesn't mean that people have the right to dictate to me when I should stop. This is a personal journey of mine and I will be happy when I reach my goal. I'm not silly, I will not end up with an eating disorder (who would want to either starve themselves or throw up???) and I certainly will tone all of my muscles so that I am fit and healthy. I have spent years listening to others criticise my weight whether I have been too fat or too skinny but no more.

I spent the evening drinking my cordial as I had had dinner prior to going to the event and was happy that I only ate 2 strawberries, 6 grapes, a small banana and a couple of water crackers with the tiniest amount of dip on them. I passed on everything else and I was proud to have done so, even if it meant being rude about not eating birthday cake. Although everything was nicely presented, I didn't want any of it. It just reminded me of where I had been.

It is nice to have broken the cycle.

Until next time,

Measures of Importance........

When you start at Weight Watchers you are usually told to take your measurements initially and put them into your book so you can see how your body is changing as you lose weight. I have been doing this religiously once a month and have kept a really nice record of how I've been doing. It is always nice to look back and see how far you've come but especially when you take another reading only to find the results so overwhelming that you cry.

That is what happened to me tonight. I decided that I would take my measurements the second time this month just to compare how my exercise has impacted on my body changing. Boy was I floored with the results, especially when Tony lovingly said that I should lift my nightie so that he could show me just how far I had come. He picked a very uplifting and massively changed part of my body, my waist. He then looked at the measurements in my book and told me to hold the beginning of the tape measure. He found my starting measurement for my waist on the tape measure and met it up with the beginning I was holding. He then held the slack up for me to see just how far I had come and what was missing. I cried as the realisation dawned on me that I had lost so much body fat, it was an incredible amount.

Just to show you how far I've come, I will now list the amount of cms lost from every part of my body to give you an idea of how many parts of my body are now so different from before.

Body Part	Start Measure (17th May 08)	End Measure (26th Feb 09)	Difference
Neck	37cm	34.5cm	2.5cm
Upper Arm	34cm	30cm	4cm
Chest	106cm	92cm	14cm
Waist	91cm	79cm	12cm
Abdomen	99.5cm	92cm	7.5cm
Hips	119cm	104.5cm	14.5cm
Upper Leg	70cm	59.5cm	10.5cm
Calf	46cm	41.5cm	4.5cm
Grand Total Lost			69.5cm

I still have a little way to go until I get to the point where my transformation will be complete but to know that I have lost that many cms off my body makes me proud of myself but upset at the same time. What runs through my head is why did it get that bad?? Why did I need to hide behind a 69.5cm suit of armor??

For those of you who haven't taken measurements, I really suggest you do so. It is so liberating when you get so far into your journey and you can see just how much progress you have made in that space of time. I will never look back and say that I want to be like my former self again. The new me is here to stay forever!

Until next time,