Winter is.......

Depressing. Especially when you find yourself being told on a Thursday afternoon that you are no longer employed. That is what happened to me last week and I felt awful. However, I did not go and eat a whole cow or horse to wallow in how I was feeling. I decided to turn my frown upside down and do some positive stuff with my kids to end the holidays on a good note and feel better about the situation.

I went and saw the new Hannah Montana movie with the youngest, went to dinner with the eldest, went shopping with the middle child and then went out to dinner with all three of them. Figured that was enough to cheer me up!! I feel better this week, particularly as agencies are chasing me for work which is making me feel heaps better. Tony is getting excited about the prospects and even pushing for me to go full time which I am not sure I could handle unless it was a low-pressure job but I am just taking things easy for now. I figure whilst I am waiting for something to happen I can exercise and take care of myself and keep going. So Tony and I are walking every day for half an hour in the beautiful natural reserve behind our house. It is proving to be cathartic for me and I'm a lot more positive. Could be the sunshine working its magic too.

On another note, I found out today that people in my mother's circle of friends have been asking me if I am still skinny (how unfair is that!) and wondering how I did it. My mother has been telling them that yes I am still skinny and I am doing wonderful. Just to stick it to them I proudly pulled up my top and showed my mother my smooth, small belly and told her that I was doing great even if I did think that it was none of anyone's business. I am proud of myself for sticking to my guns over the last few weeks, even with all the struggling I have done.

But seriously, since when is it nice to be asking if someone has decided to slip up and become the obese person they once were??? I find it extremely rude and can't believe how narrow-minded people are to think that I would simply yo yo. I'd like to publicly declare that this is my lifestyle now, thanks I'll pass on the bad foods, I want to see my children grow up, get married and have their kids have kids thanks. I'd rather not be in an early grave or be told I contracted some horrible illness thanks to eating myself to death. Since when is it someone's business to know if I am struggling with my weight???? Is it because they themselves are obese and are too ashamed to admit it??? Does it make me human if I am or alien if I am not??? I like the fact that I can shop where I feel like and have clothes look nice on me. I like the fact that I can sit on a plane and be comfortable. I like the fact that I can now hopefully go on the swing chair ride at the Royal Show (boy am I aching to find out!) without feeling like my bottom has been squeezed into a vice. It is not up to the rest of the world to judge me, it is up to myself. Only I know the answers to all the questions about my weight.

Until next time,

Operation Get Me Back Week 6

Oops I missed a week but time flies when you are counting your steps!!!

After 6 weeks I can finally say I am back on track and feeling better. I'm still working on the greater picture but knowing that I have the right tools, the right support and the information I need to succeed, there is no failure.

Failure was something to get my head around in the last two weeks. I thought that by putting weight on it meant that I had failed, or that I had let myself down. All it meant was that I was human and that sometimes life gets in the way. I have definitely learnt that I do not need to go overboard to have a good time, I do not need alcohol to party the night away, I do not need food as a comfort if I am feeling low (I have a bed for that, sleep is the ultimate comfort) and I definitely do not need to be away from people if I am struggling.

After tracking my food for a week I realised it wasn't all that bad. Yes I had indulged a couple of times but it wasn't to the extreme. I did not see the weight police on my door when I did. I do not see my lifestyle as a life-sentence. It is a choice I make, be healthy or feel like I did 3 years ago. My choice, my decision.

This weekend is my birthday. I can honestly say that it feels fantastic to be 32 on Saturday and fit into a size 12. There is nothing more exhilarating than being able to shop inside 2 hours and come out of the stores having spent $150 and having bought 10 items to wear. I did that a few weeks ago and laughed until I could laugh no more. I laughed at all the times it took me 4 hours to find one dress, one jacket, one top, one pair of jeans and a pair of shoes. I laughed at all the times I put something on that looked nice but looked hideous on me. I laughed at the obese person I was and poked fun at the woman who would sit and cry over not being able to wear it and said "look at me now!!!!!". If I don't laugh, then I cry about it. How do you let yourself go to the point where you no longer like what you see in the mirror??

I certainly don't have any answers but I do know that I have been there and now I am back to where I like myself, a size 12 and fighting fit. I can run now without feeling like the Hulk is running, my ankles no longer look like cankles, I have lost the rash from my lower legs and I definitely move better without 25Kg on my body. Pity my "girls" are smaller but that is not a bad thing, my back is thankful.

Life can throw you a curve ball but the question is whether you can catch it and throw it back......I certainly did!

Until next time,