Stumbling Blocks......

Yes I have hit a stumbling block and I don't know why. Or maybe I do and I need to admit it. I've been trying to wrap my head around getting to the Weight Watchers goal of 81 Kg and although my body will get there, my mind has hit a wall. I guess because I am on my way down my body is resisting a little and my insecurities are starting to creep in. I want to hide away in big baggy jumpers and trackpants at the moment or just crawl into bed and stay there. I feel like my comfort zone is missing but it hasn't been around for so long so how come I am feeling so bad??? Bad enough that I went 5 points over my daily allowance and I let myself eat my feelings??? Although I have the attitude of "keep on going", I think my mind is resisting a little because I'm so used to being out of the spotlight. As it is, I view my birthday as the most unimportant day of the year. I figure it is okay to make a fuss over everyone else but that I don't matter enough to celebrate another year of being alive and I guess I have reached that point in my weight loss where I figure that it is just another kilo, nothing special. I am slightly over it, and I don't know why.....Tony certainly says that the muscle definition in my legs is starting to show, the definition elsewhere is also showing and I look good, so how come I don't feel good? Does the thought of being at the point where I stop losing seem too scary to even contemplate let alone do??? Maybe it comes down to the sorrow of knowing that I no longer have the goal of simply losing weight but that I now need to maintain it for my wallet's sake but also my sanity? Being Bipolar certainly makes things interesting as those of us who suffer with this dreaded illness go through highs and lows within our life but also go through fixations with zeal unknown to a normal human being. Maybe I don't want that to end and am simply grieving for the experience. I would certainly like to know because simply getting fat isn't an option.

Until next time,