For me, although my tablets made me hungry, I was very depressed a lot of the time about myself. I didn't have a positive view point about my talents or my parenting skills or anything else. I felt like a failure towards my family. After having gone through losing two babies after my daughter was born, my marriage falling apart and my life generally going nowhere, I became severely depressed. Even with a wonderful new husband and two extra children, I still felt like I wasn't good enough. I certainly didn't feel attractive and felt that my husband deserved better. I began to comfort eat a lot of the time simply because the food was there. I had no social contacts which lowered my self esteem as I'd not been able to sustain any friendships of any kind through my working life or through my married life. My first marriage left me in tatters as I'd not been allowed to have my own friends, I wasn't allowed to talk to people, I was isolated to be controlled. When you have been in that situation, you find yourself eating as a means of artillery to be able to fend people off. I was able to keep everyone at arms length so long as I continued to eat. However, my body had other ideas and a divine intervention was had the night I got sick. That was my saving point, my "lightbulb" moment if you like where I could no longer look at myself because I was disgusted with how I looked. As I look back at the photos of me at my heaviest, I can only imagine how I must have seemed to everyone else. It is a shock to see yourself that big. I remember feeling uncomfortable in dresses because I was overweight, hiding in jeans was the only way I felt comfortable and even photos of me in jeans was horrendous.
I wonder how many people out there are yet to have their own "lightbulb" moment and how many already have. I certainly would love to know those figures rather than just the measurements of my body of which I am yet to do this month.
Until next time,
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