Ponderings.....

Slack of me not to post yesterday but after the day I had had, there was no way I would post at a convenient time seeing as I slept 4 hours last night on the couch.

Yesterday was a great day because Sophia had her birthday party and despite only 3 girls turning up for the event, they all had a good time and everyone was happy. The girls played pass the parcel, musical statues, chopstick smarties and twister. It is nice to know that 11 year olds don't care yet as to whether a particular game is daggy or not and having the older kids out of the house took the pressure off of me to sort them out at the same time. Here is a photo of the four of them:

Sophia has the pink tank top on.

It gets harder as you get older to socialise with your brothers or sisters and even when you are an adult it doesn't make it easier, especially if someone is particularly opinionated.

My food choices yesterday were pretty good considering I ate a slice of pizza of which I swore I wouldn't touch but it is easy to say yes when you are busy and don't have time to make something a little more healthier. I ended up having vegetable stirfry for dinner which compensated for the ugly foods that day. I didn't exercise at the gym yesterday but I figured that today when it gets cooler I will go for a nice walk.

It is funny how your self esteem impacts on whether you will do something or not. Whether you feel comfortable talking about something or even going outside of your comfort zone to try something new. I get that feeling now and then, particularly when meeting new people or even seeing people who I haven't seen for a while. This occurred yesterday when parents came to drop off their kids to the party. One mother I had become really good friends with and she kept gushing about how good I looked which was nice to hear but at the same time I didn't know how to respond. With the other mums, both were super skinny and I wasn't sure how I'd come across to them, hopefully I seemed open and friendly. My aim for my children this year is to be open enough so that they are able to bring their friends home and for them to be able to go to their friends' houses. I feel that they need to socialise more away from their siblings as they enter the challenging years of their lives. I feel that by them going out of their comfort zones and spending time with other people, they can then blossom more and not get annoyed with each other so much because they are not in each other's pockets all the time. I guess it is one of the reasons why I love it when they go back to school. Their social networks begin to flourish again.

As children it is easier to form friends than as an adult. As an adult you feel like people will judge you on your appearance, how you keep your house, how you raise your children etc. and it can be very difficult to approach people and ask them over for coffee. I plan on networking a little more for the sake of my children with the other parents but I don't feel comfortable doing so and this is the area to which I will be going outside of my comfort zone.

For other people it can even be something as simple as asking for a coffee date, going to the movies or anything else that requires a social setting. As people become overweight, they have an area of their life to hide behind and therefore can hide their insecurities within their weight problem. This is dangerous as you can lose yourself altogether and then, once you start to lose weight or lose other things such as your inhibitions by becoming more social, you start to wonder who you really are. You look towards your past and wonder if you would have said the same things or done the same things if you were as thin. I have questioned myself many times and have found that I would have done many things differently which I can't change now, so I look towards the future and what I can accomplish on my own now that I have lost 35 Kg.

Losing weight changes everything.

Until next time,