What muscles??

On Thursday I decided to go to a fitball class at the gym where I am a member. I asked the instructor to be kind to me and not put me through too much agony, I reckon I could have asked it in a different language and she still would have ignored me. I was put through an hour of the most interesting and difficult exercises I had ever undertaken and couldn't believe how much my body creaked and groaned. I swore I had the body of a 90 year old within that class. I managed to get through it all with a few extra rest stops than everyone else and I am sure I left a bucket of sweat behind but I did it.

However, in the process of undertaking that class I now have the sorest muscles on the planet and they hurt EVERYWHERE!!!! I have aching groin muscles, very sore abdominal muscles that hurt when I cough, laugh or even move in bed to sleep. I can't sleep on my side as it hurts too much, sleeping on my back is not preferred either but I managed to sleep on my stomach and got a few more winks than the night before.

After I came back from the gym hubby informed me that the air conditioner had broken. I was upset and shocked at the same time. It was an extremely hot day and we were to swelter in the nightly heat with only fans to help move the air around. It turned out we sweltered through the hottest night on record since January of 1982. I could not believe it. I slept on the floor with a couch cushion in the rumpus room with the fan and I was not comfortable having just strained all the muscles in the fitball class, it was an awful night.

Yesterday hubby and I made the executive decision not to send the kids to school, what a mistake that was! They were cranky, tired and hot too and didn't take too kindly to being cooped up. Luckily we were expecting the repairman to arrive at 6pm to fix the air conditioner. He didn't show until 10:20pm but he managed to semi-fix the issue so we would get through at least the next few days with a cooler house. However in the process he informed us we would be $700 poorer as we needed a new motor, I nearly cried. It is the last thing we need to break right now, particularly in the heatwave (it got to 46.7 degrees on Wednesday) and there is no relief until next Friday.

I have not felt like eating but have been drinking water like a fish. My bottle sits beside me as I type and I have now finished my second bottle of fluids. That takes today's total to 2.5L of water.

Today I went food shopping to restock the fridge and bought more of the Skinny Cow icecream sticks I have become addicted to. They feel like you are eating the most naughtiest icecream but have the equivalent food value of eating a medium banana. It is another way of having a serve of calcium in my diet but not one I have all the time.

I am doing small exercises to keep my muscles pliable, they still hurt but are becoming accustomed to doing things such as bending over to hang up washing, walking around long distances or putting dishes away.

Here's hoping tomorrow I will be in better shape to return to the gym and do more exercises. I definitely want a fitball for my birthday and a yoga mat to lie on so that I can do the exercises without lying directly on either my lawn which gives me hives or the carpet which also makes me itchy.

Until tomorrow,

Weigh In Results.....

Okay, so I have come back from my meeting feeling on top of the world for two reasons. The first reason is because I lost a kilo this week, that's right A KILO!!!!! The second reason is because I am now in single digits as to how much I need to lose. Grand total of all of my weight loss is 36.7 Kg but total lost on Weight Watchers of that is 21.7Kg, not a bad effort considering the time it has taken me. I am now only 9.7 Kg away from my goal. It is the most awesome feeling you can imagine. The end is clearly in sight and I have gained so much from losing the weight using Weight Watchers as my tool. I have made friendships, been given a new lease on life, feel more energetic and am a lot more happier than I used to be.

Since doing Weight Watchers I no longer have the urge to be depressed, every day is a new day and not once has my Bipolar Disorder interfered with my vision. At times I have given in to the odd craving and had such things as a Magnum which is a naughty 8 points!!! At the same time however, I have enjoyed myself along the way. I've set challenges for myself each week so as to spice things up and make it exciting. The challenges have ranged from trying a new dish to varying my exercise routine or even trying something new such as aqua aerobics classes and ice skating. I've never felt the urge to give it up and slide backwards. I figured I'd worked too hard and paid a lot of money to get this far, if I give up now it's all been a waste.

I go to the meetings hearing things I already know about the program, things that I learnt early on in my journey and I smile as I hear the leader recount what we've previously talked about. It has certainly made me realised that the focus and dedication I put into my weight loss has paid me back and I've even convinced a couple of people to come along for the ride and see the results for themselves.

This week's challenge is a good one and hopefully I will make it through the week without faltering. I will not say what the challenge is as I only answer to myself and everyone just gets to see the results :D

Until next time,

Can I do it??? YES I CAN!!!!!!

Yesterday was a very big day on many fronts for my family. My family changed dynamics a little on the first day back at school and it was wonderful and sad at the same time.

My 15 year old wrote in his personal learning plan that his goal for 2009 was to pass and that his laziness and bad handwriting might get in the way. This is a big moment as I have never seen on paper Ryan's determination to make the year count the way he has for this year and to know what obstacles he may face. The cute kid with the cheeky grin has grown into a very handsome, intelligent wise young man and I have realised I need to treat him with more respect and adult understanding than before.

My 13 year old went to high school for her first day and experienced a different routine with different classes and also with homework. Nicola made many new friends yesterday and enjoyed being at a school where she was no longer ostracised for being slightly different. The shy, happy 4 year old I helped mould has turned out to be a fine young woman with morals and values every young girl should have.

My now 11 year old baby Sophia celebrated two rites of passage. The first being her birthday marking her second to last year of childhood and the second being the only child in the family at primary school. Sophia loved it so much she has put a more concerted effort into her work. Her attempt at being an artist last night using her new easel, canvas and watercolour paint saw her produce a top quality artwork in progress that I would love to frame when finished. Her eye for detail and colour is fascinating.

However, as the kids celebrated their milestones yesterday, I had a milestone of my own today at the gym. Although I haven't weighed in at my Weight Watchers meeting yet because I go at night, going to the gym and being able to do something I could only watch others do made me smile, feel triumphant and want to keep going even though my body was screaming "All right already, you've proved yourself!!!!" I managed to jog for 5 minutes at a steady pace of 8.5Km/hr without feeling out of breath, in pain or tired. It was an exhilirating feeling and one I shall never forget. It marks the beginning of the end of my fears that I had prior to losing weight. I can no longer be afraid that if I jog, all of my jiggly bits will look funny if I jog, that I can chase after my kids in a heartbeat if I need to, that if I needed to run for a bus it wouldn't be a problem.

I feel alive finally....there is nothing I can't do.

Tonight I will weigh in and come back with the results but right now I feel triumphant enough that if I gained weight tonight I would not be upset, it is all part and parcel of stepping down to the next kilogram I challenge my body to lose.

Until later,

Ponderings.....

Slack of me not to post yesterday but after the day I had had, there was no way I would post at a convenient time seeing as I slept 4 hours last night on the couch.

Yesterday was a great day because Sophia had her birthday party and despite only 3 girls turning up for the event, they all had a good time and everyone was happy. The girls played pass the parcel, musical statues, chopstick smarties and twister. It is nice to know that 11 year olds don't care yet as to whether a particular game is daggy or not and having the older kids out of the house took the pressure off of me to sort them out at the same time. Here is a photo of the four of them:

Sophia has the pink tank top on.

It gets harder as you get older to socialise with your brothers or sisters and even when you are an adult it doesn't make it easier, especially if someone is particularly opinionated.

My food choices yesterday were pretty good considering I ate a slice of pizza of which I swore I wouldn't touch but it is easy to say yes when you are busy and don't have time to make something a little more healthier. I ended up having vegetable stirfry for dinner which compensated for the ugly foods that day. I didn't exercise at the gym yesterday but I figured that today when it gets cooler I will go for a nice walk.

It is funny how your self esteem impacts on whether you will do something or not. Whether you feel comfortable talking about something or even going outside of your comfort zone to try something new. I get that feeling now and then, particularly when meeting new people or even seeing people who I haven't seen for a while. This occurred yesterday when parents came to drop off their kids to the party. One mother I had become really good friends with and she kept gushing about how good I looked which was nice to hear but at the same time I didn't know how to respond. With the other mums, both were super skinny and I wasn't sure how I'd come across to them, hopefully I seemed open and friendly. My aim for my children this year is to be open enough so that they are able to bring their friends home and for them to be able to go to their friends' houses. I feel that they need to socialise more away from their siblings as they enter the challenging years of their lives. I feel that by them going out of their comfort zones and spending time with other people, they can then blossom more and not get annoyed with each other so much because they are not in each other's pockets all the time. I guess it is one of the reasons why I love it when they go back to school. Their social networks begin to flourish again.

As children it is easier to form friends than as an adult. As an adult you feel like people will judge you on your appearance, how you keep your house, how you raise your children etc. and it can be very difficult to approach people and ask them over for coffee. I plan on networking a little more for the sake of my children with the other parents but I don't feel comfortable doing so and this is the area to which I will be going outside of my comfort zone.

For other people it can even be something as simple as asking for a coffee date, going to the movies or anything else that requires a social setting. As people become overweight, they have an area of their life to hide behind and therefore can hide their insecurities within their weight problem. This is dangerous as you can lose yourself altogether and then, once you start to lose weight or lose other things such as your inhibitions by becoming more social, you start to wonder who you really are. You look towards your past and wonder if you would have said the same things or done the same things if you were as thin. I have questioned myself many times and have found that I would have done many things differently which I can't change now, so I look towards the future and what I can accomplish on my own now that I have lost 35 Kg.

Losing weight changes everything.

Until next time,

Things are not what they always seem.....

For someone who is trying to lose weight the vision of something unhealthy that was once appealing now conjures up images of what vile disease it contributes to. Whenever I see something that once used to pleasure my gastronomical senses, I can no longer view it with the same pleasure I once did. This happened today within my local supermarket as I had to do my weekly food shopping. All the cakes within the bakery, all the full fat ice cream and all the lollies in the confectionery aisle made me think of diabetes and I couldn't get the thought out of my head. I also visualised what the products were made out of and some of them made my stomach churn. I then saw meat pies and other fatty pastries, pre-made dinners, noodle cups and tinned frankfurts and thought not only about the tablespoons and tablespoons of salt that is put into each item but also the saturated fat and how both contribute to heart disease. Those two illnesses alone I fear and so eat better to give my body the best chance in life by eating better food.

For some people, that choice is not on their conscience and I wish it was. Seeing people who desperately need to lose weight in order to save their lives carry on as normal is tragic. As I've travelled on my journey, I have come to realise that I was one of those people all those years ago and it is a very scary thought. With only 10.7 Kg to go, I definitely do not want to go backwards and end up where I was previously.

After having lost 300g this week I have come to the conclusion that in order to go forwards, I must remember where I came from so I shall look at photos of myself for the next week to remind myself what I no longer look like. However, in doing so I must also remind myself that I am no longer obese and no longer weigh over 100 Kg. This task is not easy as I still see myself as needing improvement. Although I have tried on an outfit that I have not worn in 8 years and it fitted, I still felt like I was too big for it, I felt like it didn't belong on me or that I shouldn't be fitting into it just yet, I'm not supposed to yet. I'm supposed to still be overweight, still unhappy and still fitting into size 16 clothes. I'm not supposed to fit into a size 12 business skirt and a size 10 business jacket just yet........or am I?? Maybe the whole point of this was to find out who I really was as a person whilst shedding each kilogram. Or maybe in my tiredness, I have realised that the end is so near that I need to keep my focus, and possibly go to sleep!!!!

Off to the gym later to keep the momentum going.

Until next time,

Water Water Everywhere......

When you are carrying fluid and need to weigh in at your meeting, it can be an uneasy experience, especially if you are unsure as to whether you have lost weight or gained weight. Today I had the unfortunate experience of having to weigh in at my meeting with fluid retention and got on the scales very afraid of the result. It turns out that I needn't have worried so much about it as I lost another 300g. My total weight loss with Weight Watchers now stands at 20.7 Kg lost. It is funny to think that something you may or may not have done could make you fearful of facing up to the truth in the end.

Today I also experienced the exhilarating feeling of being lighter and enjoying a trip to the ice skating rink. I skated for 2 1/2 hours in total, mostly at one time, and felt so alive. It was fun being able to balance on a thin blade whilst feeling uplifted, positive and invigorated. My self esteem was lifted to the roof as I was able to join my girls on the ice and skate with them unlike the 10 obese people I saw sitting on the benches surrounding the rink just watching. I wanted to ask them why they were not on the ice. After going through my own thoughts of when I was heavier, I have realised that our brains have a lot to answer for. Our moods, thought patterns and lack of physical activity leaves our body in such disrepair that we are unable to "save" ourselves from a life of junkfood, bad moods, negative thoughts and couch potato syndrome. If we all just did some physical activity, our lives would be so much more enriched. I can honestly say that having been down the road to wellbeing, my life has been greatly enriched by a good diet, exercise and positive thoughts. I no longer wallow in self pity or hide myself in oversized clothing to create optical illusions that I am thinner and I certainly get off my chair and couch more. I can't remember the last time I sat down and watched a television program. I am now more likely to be out exercising and enjoying being able to move rather than sitting on the couch being lazy. How times have changed! I encourage each and every person who reads this to get moving this week, even if it is only for 30 minutes, just so you can experience that invigorating feeling of adrenaline running through your body, you will not be sorry you did it.

Peace out,

Victory Is Mine!!! (a minor win today)

Today was Nicola's 13th birthday and it went really well. Not only did she get some nice gifts from us (New DS Lite, art diary, mobile phone sock, electronic rubiks cube, soft cushion), she got other nice gifts (quilt cover, mobile phone, $90, ceramic statue) aswell. I was a very good girl and didn't have one piece of the chocolate cake I decorated. I was so proud of myself, I had the willpower to stay away from it. I looked at it and decided that the diabetes that it represented was not worth it.
Instead I grabbed my nestle diet chocolate dessert out of the fridge and ate that instead, victory was mine (to quote Stewie Griffin)! I was especially proud of myself for avoiding the cake and gave everyone a piece instead. Although I had to decorate the cake, I didn't eat the cream, the choc buds, the chocolate frosting or anything else to do with the cake.

Here's hoping the scales are kind to me tomorrow night.

Until next time,

The PMT Monster and other things.......

Ok, so it is PMT time and as usual, I didn't cope with it very well. Am very tired, hot, bothered, grumpy and irrational, typical female lol. The upside of it all though is knowing that my 3/4 pants which I bought just after Christmas are too big. That's right, they fall down a little and have a saggy look in the legs where my bottom no longer sticks out as it did when I first bought them. My husband thinks jokingly that I shall send us broke if I need a new wardrobe all the time but he is reaping the rewards of it, he reckons I look hot and can't keep his hands to himself.

Yesterday I had 8 teenagers in my house. Sophia went to a birthday party at the swimming centre and Nicola had her friends over for her 13th birthday party. The theme was wacky hair and mismatched clothes and there were some great outfits at the party.


All in all, everyone had a great time and they all played Guitar Hero World Tour for the afternoon. I was a good girl and only ate 2 pieces of pizza, 2 small soft lollies, 5 barbeque shapes and 3 potato chips at the party which was good for me, normally I would eat a lot more.

The biggest shock I have had though is that even under duress I can still keep my focus going and not bow in to temptation of fatty food. All up, I say I am doing pretty well today.

Looking forward to decorating Nicola's cake for her actual birthday tomorrow and sitting up tonight wrapping her gifts. Biggest challenge will be to not eat the frosting as I go, that is a habit of mine. I think that my progress is showing though, let me know what you think of the latest photo taken today of me fixing the picture frame on the wall.

Until next time,

Exhilirated about Exercise

I have been very slack, I didn't post yesterday.

The reason is that I was very busy yesterday and didn't even have time to scratch any itches I might have had. Went food shopping yesterday and zoomed through the aisles like a fiend all the while pushing a very heavy trolley. Managed to make it home in time to go and pick up Ryan's friend who was staying at our house for the afternoon. Whilst they played Xbox together, I took the girls to the library and went and had coffee with my Mum. I then got home thinking I had to take Ryan's friend home but got a reprieve and headed to the gym for a major workout which lasted all of 90 minutes, the very first time I have managed to be on a treadmill for that long and only sweat a little bit. I wasn't out of breath and I felt fantastic. I walked 9.3Km and wanted to scream with happiness. Felt exhausted later on though and my muscles started stiffening up so I had a long, hot shower to take away the aches, it worked. Woke up this morning feeling only tired but full of zing.

Took Sophia to her art class and then went home to get ready for another gym session. This one only lasted an hour but only because I had to go and do present shopping for Nicola who is turning 13 on Tuesday. After all of the walking I still felt energetic, there is no better feeling.

It has been a triumphant couple of days and even with all of the exercise I have made some wise food choices and some not so wise but I know it will balance itself out in the end. I'm looking forward to weigh in on Wednesday to see if my efforts have paid off.

Until next time,

On the steps to slim......

I had a nerve wracking day yesterday as I waited for time to go by until my weight watchers meeting last night. Nothing could contain the nervousness as I got through the day. I went to pay school fees and collect school books in the afternoon, buy milk and then go home and await my mother in law's arrival for coffee (she is so nice). After having her turn up with cheerfulness that I so desperately needed to be around, she left and I quickly got myself organised to go to my meeting. Upon arrival, it was chaos. The leader hadn't shown as yet so no product were available for purchase. The person weighing everyone in was being really funny (strange) with the lady who has been doing it for a little while and the lady who usually takes everyone's payment for meetings unless you are prepaid ended up doing all of the signing up of new people which is usually the leader's job. I waited in line to weigh in all the while chatting with my friends and then it got to my turn. I signed the form to say I had attended, handed over my progress book and stepped on the scales all the while pleading with them to give me a good result and hopefully break the 20 Kg loss mark. I got the best surprise I could have hoped for. I smashed the 20 Kg loss mark by a whole 400 g. I was over the moon.

It has meant that I am so close to goal and it is only a few more steps to slim. The next goal is the 25Kg mark. I now only have 11 Kg to go before I reach goal. I nearly cried. I didn't stay for my meeting because the leader ended up being so late, that I couldn't wait any longer for her. I have decided to attend another meeting to hear this week's information for inspiration to help me keep going.

Driving home I decided to listen to John Butler's song Used To Get High as it has been my mantra song since I started Weight Watchers. The lyrics are very appropriate now and I find two lines in particular really hit home for me.

The lyrics are:

I used to get high for a living
Believing everything that i saw on my tv
I used to get high for a living
Eating all the bullshit food that they sold me
I used to get high for a living
Thinking that my destiny was out of my control

The lines "I used to get high for a living thinking that my destiny was out of my control" is very poignant as I used to just eat without thinking about the consequences and thinking about what I was doing to my body. I couldn't understand that I was slowly poisoning my insides which in turn was making me fat. It certainly shows now, that with proper diet and exercise I am healthier than I have been in a very long time and I'm happier too. Weight Watchers has given me a new lease of life and I feel freer than I ever have.

Until next time,

Feeling tired.....

Ok, I have to admit that my staying up 'til all hours is starting to catch up with me but it could even be the heat. Today it was 42 degrees and scorching, you could have fried an egg. I ended up having to take my rabbit to the vet with an infection of some sort, turned out to be a urinary tract infection coupled with a uterine infection, she was so matted from the experience of it all that I cleaned and clipped her before taking her to the vet. She is now on antibiotics but going out of the house with her felt awful. The air was so dry, it hurt to breathe.

I didn't do any exercise today because it was so hot, I couldn't justify it after getting the rabbit organised for the vet which took me 3 hours to do and then having to go lodge a form and cook dinner. Ended up sort of dancing at the Delta Goodrem concert I went to tonight with Nicola. The concert was well worth the $99 ticket as she gave a great performance.



Food-wise was good too, even had extra points left over that I used to treat myself to the magnum I passed on the night before. Sometimes temptation does get the better of me but I did know that I could have one, here's hoping it hasn't damaged my chances of reaching my 20 Kg goal at my Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow night. Only time will tell when I get on the scales.

Ok, I can't procrastinate any further, I need sleep.

Until next time,

I am getting there....

Okay, I have to admit that my body has been reprogrammed.

No longer do I go to the cupboard for comfort food, no longer do I not care what I am eating on my dinner plate, no longer do I just pick the first dessert I see. Things have definitely changed for the better. Exercise is now a fun thing for me to do rather than moaning and groaning when I even have to walk for long periods, I can run in short bursts without feeling out of breath or heavy in the feet. Food is now fun with many choices and challenges to make it interesting and making the food in itself is rewarding, particularly when hubby and the kids say wow, that was delicious!

Tonight was an example of all of that. Dinner was thrown together with meat, vegetables and salad but I didn't serve myself any of the mashed potato I made and hubby was kind enough to grill a special patty for my dinner along with the tiny chicken wings that were marinated for dinner. I realised I hadn't eaten any dairy foods for the day and accompanied my dinner with a cheese sandwich - can't remember the last time I had sliced bread, I forgot I had it and it went mouldy in the bread bin. Mental note to self is to now take slices out of the freezer and just defrost in the microwave for consumption so as to not waste food.

After dinner, hubby suggested a walk but I couldn't keep the slow pace he and our friend were walking at, I sped up ahead to give myself a workout on the way to the service station for an icecream. I automatically chose a chocolate paddle pop, nice enough to satisfy a chocolate icecream fix with low points and avoided the Heaven icecream I wasn't interested in. We then headed back home but once again the pace was too slow and hubby encouraged me to increase the pace so I jogged. I had to stop after a while though as my ponytail was falling out due to not having tightened the elastic enough around my hair. I was only slightly out of breath but fixed my hair, adjusted carrying my water bottle and took off again in another sprint. I stopped to cross the road and then walked at a fast pace keeping momentum to give a good workout with steady breathing all the way home. I headed straight for the shower but was pleased with my efforts.

I can no longer say that I don't know what I am doing, my body is on auto-pilot.

Last Wednesday I weighed in at 85.9 Kg, that makes it 19.5 Kg lost with Weight Watchers and 34.5 Kg lost altogether, not a bad effort. Can't wait for this week's weigh in, maybe I will break the 20 Kg barrier this week, we shall see.

Until next time,

Not tired yet....

Okay, it is 1:16am and I'm not in bed yet. I know I should be but I just don't feel tired. Maybe it is because I took the kids to see Bedtime Stories at the movies and am still excited over it, I don't know. I've just created my blog and I want to add the photos to show how things were before I started. I am still new at this so hopefully I will learn quickly. If anyone has any ideas or tips that might be important for me to know, please please let me know! I don't want to stuff anything up!

Ok, I guess I should go to bed and I will post later on today when my brain is a little less foggy and when I have some more info to give to you.