Sonya's Steps to Slim

First Week of ProPoints Done and Dusted!

2011-01-05T19:56:00.000+10:30

I have survived my first week and I can honestly say it was sooooo not difficult. It was actually easier than I thought! Tracking again was like finding a long lost teddy bear that you used to love and holding it tight, I couldn't believe how much I had missed doing it. I've also missed walking and can honestly say that it has been good the few times I have gone, but there is definitely something to be said when you have a walking partner.

My walking partner is currently an invalid and can't walk so it has meant that I haven't wanted to leave the house in case he needs something. I know I could go on my own but I feel a little creeped out going by myself in the evening. I used to be at home a lot and walked early morning but at a reasonable hour. I can't really do that now unless I do it in my lunch break and there isn't enough time. I figured I would get up early on Saturday and go for a big, long walk to compensate for not walking during the week.

I've also reconnected with two summer fruits that I adore, strawberries and grapes. I had forgotten how good they could taste on a hot summer's day and have certainly been good at work when I needed something to snack on but don't want to go near the dreaded charity chip box. It is nasty with a capital N.

I'm looking forward to conquering the next week and seeing the results. This first week has been wonderful and I lost my first kilo which I am very proud of. My pants are definitely looser around the legs and I'm loving it. Can't wait to get back to the old me where my pants were super comfy and super baggy. The end is in my sights, even if I do have another 8 kilograms to lose.

One thing I am definitely looking forward to is our Melbourne trip in April on the Easter long weekend. I have actually set myself the goal of being at my goal weight by then, hopefully I will have done that and maybe a little bit more if all goes well. Either way, I want to sashay through the Crown Casino looking ultra sexy, now wouldn't that be nice? ;) I'm sure every woman likes to feel like that and have attention poured on them, it is what makes us feel confident. That confidence almost took a landslide into nowheresville recently but things are looking up!

Until next time,

Funky When Finished

2011-01-02T21:19:00.001+10:30

Well,

I have started off the year well. Have walked twice in the first two days of the year and am enjoying the momentum. For the first time this year (LOL) I feel really good. I am making good choices with food (ie. Subway for dinner instead of greasy chicken shop food) and am taking steps to ensure that I am drinking enough and snacking on good things like grapes and strawberries. Luckily food shopping is on the agenda tomorrow which means stocking up on fruit, vegetables and skinny cow icecream (yum!) as well as other good fat-fighting foods.

I am going to treat myself tomorrow though and buy myself a new set of scales as the ones in my bathroom are not working as well anymore. They only show my weight and not my fat or water percentages anymore. I also plan on investing in a pedometer and a ProPoints calculator to find out how many ProPoints are in the foods I buy from the supermarket so that I don't make any mistakes when shopping. I would also like to buy some more sports socks so that I have more comfy pairs to go walking in. These little things will help spur me on to keep going with the momentum. I would love to get the pedometer and the calculator tomorrow but will have to settle for Tuesday after work.

I went to church this morning and it was funny but the sermon was all about taking the right path and being challenged. I thought it was most appropriate for me being as it felt like I was being asked to be challenged not only spiritually but within my own life as well. It is funny how sometimes you get given messages that really mean a lot in all facets of your life. It is something I plan on doing this year, putting challenges in place to push myself to achieve more and get where I should be. Let's hope it works!

I definitely have to say that nothing beats walking with nature right at your doorstep. I simply walk a few metres and Mother Nature is hitting me in the face. Behind my house is the most beautiful area complete with walking trails, trees and gorgeous native birds such as sulphur crests, rainbow lorikeets, rosellas and galahs as well as many species of grass parrots and the occasional kookaburra that sing merrily. There is nothing better than listening to them sing in the sunlight. It is why I love living in Australia, so peaceful and so relaxed. It is the best walking trail and conveniently is long enough that I can get a decent walk enjoying Mother Nature at her finest. I look forward to walking tomorrow!

One thing I did do as a way of feeling good about myself to start 2011 with was a new haircut. It was definitely needed after having the same hairstyle for 20 years. I definitely feel fresher with the new 'do and love the waviness of my hair which I used to hate previously. I think with my new hairstyle and losing the weight I put on, I should look very funky when finished.

Until next time!

New Year = New Me

2011-01-01T19:19:00.000+10:30

I survived New Years Eve by not drinking anything except sugar free soft drink, eating fruit and relaxing with the attitude that if I wanted to make sure I lost weight then it needed to continue, even with the celebrations happening.

The motto for me for the new year is "New Year = New Me". I intend to stick to this motto and ensure that my weight loss heads in the right direction. I have stuck to my guns and eaten right today even though the day is not over but I have not gone and eaten things that would harm my progress as I want to maintain the momentum and keep going.

The mindset I have at the moment is what is keeping me focused despite the lightbulb moment I had two days ago which really showed me just how bad things had gotten. When I looked at my tracker online to see what I weighed last before the other day I was shocked to find that on the 20th of October I was 3.2Kg lighter. This showed that I had headed into the danger zone and needed to change things before I went past the point of being in control.

Although I haven't exercised at all in the past 2 days I have maintained a healthy attitude towards my eating and have recognised the hunger signals when they have occurred. Instead of just mindless eating which leads me onto a bad path, I am simply drinking more which has definitely shown the bad choices I was making on my face. I have so many small unobtrusive pimples that I can see when I stand in the bathroom and turn my face towards the sunlit window. To know that I had abused my body was gut-wrenching. That is now going to change.

This year is the year of change, in many ways. Let's hope it's a fun ride!

Until next time,

What Happened????

2010-12-29T20:23:00.000+10:30

Okay, can someone please explain to me what happened? One minute I was blissfully living in the world of the skinny whereby I was a healthy weight and everything was going good. In the last year I have piled on the kilos - 10 to be exact and feeling very down about it.

I've looked at the new Weight Watchers ProPoints information and am getting back to the old me again by re-evaluating what I am eating, what I am doing and how I am doing it. Gone are the trips to the fat lane and back to the "losing weight" lane. I can't deny that I have not been blinded by food and the "I am thin" mentality when really I can see the muffin top in the mirror after doing up my favourite pants only to find them a little tight. Luckily I am a person who puts weight on all over but sometimes that can be a curse when you can't see the kilos from the scales on your body.

So it is back to the drawing board and let's hope that I can salvage my body back to the beginning when I was a beautiful 80.4Kg and looked wonderful instead of the person I see in the mirror now. I am angry with myself for not paying attention, for sliding back, for denying I was putting on weight, but let's face it, there is no denying it now. I simply must get back to my former shape so that I can feel sexy again, particularly seeing as I am close to mid-30s and will gradually get to the stage where losing weight is a lot harder than before.

So for now I admit I am human and have the same failings as everyone else and get right back on the wagon that I fell off of and rejoin the world of the Weight Watchers Slimmers Club.

Until the next installment,

No Time Like The Present

2010-09-14T16:24:00.000+09:30

I've been doing a lot of soul searching of late and have decided that it is time for some Carpe Diem. For those of you not in the know it means "seize the day". I find it to be very inspirational as it means making the most of every day and ensuring that I am always happy.

I also figured it was time to reassess what is/isn't working in my little world and fix it. That has meant a major spring clean throughout the house working my way through each room. Funnily enough it started because I was cleaning the house ready for my first Tupperware party in my own home and I realised as I was cleaning that my house was in a state of disrepute as I went from room to room cleaning the mess my offspring, husband and I left behind. It was like going to a wake as I started and realised how much dust and muck was in my house. Not something I would readily admit but it inspired me to give the house a thorough going over and really assess the things that are stored in cupboards but do not get used. I became really enthusiastic, particularly after I was able to order an enormous amount of Tupperware for free. It will make life so much easier having it in the house, organising my pantry and ensuring that all of the kitchen tasks I perform are done with ease. It also looks really smart compared to the tonnes of coffee jars I am using as fill-ins. I also rediscovered my sense of self along the way too and decided to budge the stubborn kilos that had crept onto my body over winter.

Let's just say that the scales were none too kind when I stepped on them to reveal my current weight and it was like rediscovering an old friend when I started counting my points again, weighing and measuring my food and avoiding the nasties that lurk around every corner. I also feel much better knowing that I am getting back to the old me of last year where I was a lot happier in myself and weighed a lot less. Looking forward to the scales smiling at me again. I'm also rediscovering the foods which made me feel happy too like Weight Watchers ice cream and tuna salad which I wouldn't eat in winter as it was too cold and I wanted warmer foods (and I wonder how the weight went on!) but now that Spring has sprung I am moving forwards and there is no time like the present.

Let's hope there are some new developments along the way.
Until next time,

It's my party and I'll celebrate my way!!!!

2010-07-13T17:51:00.000+09:30

Well, I've finally turned the ripe old age of 33 and am looking forward to what life has in store for me within the next year. I can honestly say that it is nice to be 33 and slim. I've always enjoyed being myself when I've been thinner and the past 2 and a half years have been fantastic as I've slimmed down and regained my healthy, happy disposition. I'm still watching what I eat (may I add that Weight Watchers new Butter Chicken is delicious!) and I still try to ensure that I get some incidental exercise in by walking up and down the building at work, parking further away from the bank and the post office and making sure that I climb the stairs at home lots.

I have to say that the second half of this year will be fantastic as I start Tafe in August, celebrate my wonderful husband's 40th birthday in November and then there is a wonderful Christmas to be had later on. The rule for the moment is to enjoy each day as much as possible because life is always full of surprises. I'm definitely looking forward to the next 33 years and I figure there are going to be a lot more laughs than there already have been.

I'm definitely looking forwards as I ensure that I keep active, eat right, get the right amount of sleep and enjoy the spring in my step.

Until next time,

YAY!!!!!

2010-07-04T21:39:00.000+09:30

I got into TAFE!!!!! Yippee!!!!!

Now to go and enrol on the 20th of July. I am so excited that I was successful with my application. Now comes the fun part!!!! However, not all is well in the land of weight loss. It seems that a downfall to the cold weather has meant that I have been ultra hungry. This has led to a shock weight gain which I will not reveal as I feel utterly stupid and small about it. Just goes to show that I am not immune to setbacks and this one has left me reeling. I have decided to charge at it full steam in order to turn it around. I just hope that I can do it well enough to keep it off. I can say that it isn't hard to put it back on and I definitely wish that I hadn't but the scales do not lie. I guess I have been blissfully ignorant about it and have now been caught by it. Let's hope that I've learned from it otherwise my time at Weight Watchers was wasted. I certainly don't want to end up where I was 2 years ago. *SIGH* I can't blame anyone but myself so I am just owning it and am moving on and dealing with it. Not the best news but at least it is something I can monitor and change. I must be getting wiser, not sure if it has anything to do with my impending birthday next Sunday but who knows.

Until next time,

Waiting, Waiting!!!

2010-06-19T10:16:00.000+09:30

I have had my application submitted to Satac for my course and now I play the waiting game. I find out in 2 weeks whether I managed to get in. I'm really excited about it and can't wait to find out. Tony reckons I am a shoo-in to get in but we'll see. I am focusing this week on trying to reduce the amount of food I have been consuming. I have felt like a bear in winter, stocking up my body with food in order to hibernate but because I operate 365 days of the year, I figured it was time to put what I have learnt from Weight Watchers into action again and start tracking my food properly.

This will help motivate me I think into bigger and better things. At the moment I am also trialling something else which I am keeping secret because I want to see if I can survive without it. It has been a number of years since I first needed it so I want to try living in the real world without chemical help. I do not have any vices as such that have detrimental effects so to do this would mean that I would be like everyone else. We'll see what happens! I am being monitored by Tony and I have told him to watch for any downfall in my behavior, sleep patterns, energy levels and general overall demeanor.

Looking forward to a relaxing weekend except for the early start tomorrow for soccer. I am starting to resent the fact that the games are so early in the morning. However, I digress that if said child would like to be in the state team as she sees her future, then I can't say no to her playing.

Here's to a good weekend!

Until next time,

It is time to move forwards!

2010-05-03T21:51:00.001+09:30

Hi Everyone,

Well, after much deliberation and thought I have taken the plunge and moved forwards. After having a carrot dangled in front of my eyes to do more study which will come at some point from my employer I was tempted to look into courses. I already have a Certificate III in Financial Services but I never went to the next step. The time has finally come to conquer it now that I have my confidence back and feel like I can do things.

On the Anzac Day weekend in Melbourne I managed to conquer my fear of heights and went up 88 floors. I stood on the viewing platform with the wind whipping about my face as I came to terms with how high up I was. I then took it that one step further and went into The Edge which is an elevator cubicle that is made mostly out of glass, except for a few steel beams about the place and was taken out of the building. The glass had some special effects and the next thing I knew I was looking down 88 floors at the world below me. I was scared but excited and was then told the glass could hold 10 tonnes no problem, I then felt brave enough to lie down on the glass with my hands pressed and looked at the world below.

Afterward I felt exhilarated and decided my next challenge would be to abseil down the falls back home so that will be my birthday present. I don't want a party or cake, I just want to enjoy life and experience things I've never been brave enough to do.

I think I now have the confidence to finish what I started and go on and do the Certificate IV in Financial Services. I have to wait until July to find out if I have obtained a place and the waiting is killing me! If I get in then I will make it my personal goal to go all the way to the Advanced Diploma. I know I can do this!

Until next time,

Back To Basics

2010-04-02T23:17:00.000+10:30

Hi Everyone,

Yet again I have been MIA but for a very good reason! My sister is getting married and I have been madly helping her co-ordinate a bridal shower, had dress fittings, scouted around for shoes to match the dress I have to wear on the big day, been very sick with a chest infection and am now sick with a sinus infection/cold but I am not letting it beat me and I'm trying to stay away from antibiotics as they gave me another nasty infection, it has been a real roller-coaster ride the past month and a bit!

Well, with my positive attitude now back in force more than before I am concentrating my efforts on trying to shift the stubborn weight I have left to go as well as the weight I have put on from the antibiotics.

Today saw me getting back to basics. Revisiting the tried and true methods I used in the beginning of my journey I have managed to go for a walk today for an hour, make points free vegetable soup to eat for lunch which should pump the vitamins through my weary body and I've drunk so many fluids also which has seen me and the porcelain become very good friends.

It will mean for me however a whole different outlook. No longer will I make bad choices and go overboard, no longer will I have cravings if my stomach is full (and boy was it ever after my soup with two pieces of bread today!) and no longer will I let myself go backwards, even if I am sick. I have become determined to move forwards instead of standing still or going backwards.

I have decided to go abseiling for my birthday as a renewal/rebirth of myself and am going to tackle my fear of heights (which is funny seeing as I am 6 feet tall) but first on the agenda is to conquer "The Edge" experience in Melbourne whereby I will be standing in a glass elevator that rises to the 88th floor and stops allowing you to see a 360 degree view of Melbourne and makes you think you are standing on nothing at all. It shall be a harrowing experience no doubt but one I need to do before the abseil.

Onwards and Upwards is the correct frame of mind from hereon in.

Until next time,

Anyone Seen Sonya???

2010-03-06T20:57:00.000+10:30

Okay, so I must admit I have been hibernating. It is easy to do when you are sick with a chest infection or when you have gained weight. I did both. I've yo-yo weighed over the past couple of months and been sick with the nastiest chest infection ever. I'm still coughing but I am determined to not let it beat me although I really want the weight to come off. I know it is only 800g but I feel awful and I prefer to be thinner. So the plan is to go to Zumba twice a week so that I can get back to my former glory but there needs to be a lot of honesty on my part as far as my points go and also making better choices. As far as my progress has gone, I've not been completely honest and it is something that I know happens to a lot of people when they start sliding backwards. Anyone who says that they don't slide occasionally is either very strong willed or lying. I would really like to do it right. If I can be 80.4 Kg at one point then I can get back there again and smash past it. Some may say that I look okay now and that if I lost more weight it would look extreme but I definitely know that I will be happiest with a bigger buffer zone between what I weigh and what my goal is. I look forward to getting there and I promise to be more honest with all of you but especially myself because as the saying goes:

The only person that's most important to be honest with is yourself.

Until next time,

Welcome to 2010!!!

2010-01-16T12:41:00.000+10:30

Hi Everyone!

Well after a hard Christmas/New Year period of trying to keep my weight gains from going sky high, I have managed to get very close to my pre-Christmas weight which has made me as happy as a clam seeing as I worked very hard whilst I was away on holiday in Queensland. I tell you that the choices I made were very good apart from the lunch I had Monday afternoon at Sizzlers which I did not beat myself up over as we had done anywhere up to 6Km walking every day. I lost 1.2Kg this week after coming home and I figured it was a very good effort despite having to decipher menus and come up with ways of keeping myself on track.

Here is a piccy of me standing with the tiger in Dreamworld which was nice as I felt good on this day even though I managed to get a little sunburnt.

The holiday was most enjoyable and having gone from being overweight to the weight I am now meant that I was not afraid to walk around Wet n' Wild in my bikini, I was not afraid of not fitting into the seats of the rollercoasters at the theme parks, I was not afraid of trying every single thrill ride there was. Being thinner meant I could enjoy everything my kids were enjoying without worrying about seats, safety bars or comfort. I saw one overweight lady who had so many problems fitting into one ride and I remember thinking at the time "I feel sorry for her". Who wants to be so overweight that they can't fit into the seat of a ride? It happened to me one year at the Adelaide Royal Show and I can tell you that I died of embarassment because I managed to get in and sit in pain during the ride only to find myself struggling to get out of the seat. It was the first and last time I felt like that. The plane rides were comfortable too, I had room either side of me in my seat which meant I could enjoy my flights without feeling like a beached whale. I also thought about the number of summers where I hadn't coped with the heat yet I was not struggling in the Queensland steamy conditions like I used to. It certainly was an eye opener of a trip. I realised that losing weight had meant so much to me as a person. I will never go back.

Until next time,

Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy!!!!!!

2009-12-19T18:23:00.000+10:30

I am so excited I am bouncing off of the walls today!!!!!

Why am I so excited you ask???? Well, I went to weigh in today and got such a whopping result I did a double-take in disbelief! I lost a massive 2.1Kg in one week!!!!! How did I do that?!?!

I can tell you that any form of tracking is going to keep you honest and accountable for everything that goes into your mouth. It also keeps you in check with what sorts of foods you are eating and how you are going in terms of progress. I do online tracking with Weight Watchers and being able to track my food and exercise exactly is so good because I can add in the foods I have eaten, even if they are homemade!

I have also stopped eating things that have gotten me into trouble many times before. I have developed a love of strawberries which have been the most awesome snack because they make me feel full and also adding fish into my diet has helped enormously. I always lose weight when I eat tuna and this week was no exception, having had a tuna steak for dinner on Monday night. I also ate my points, every single last one of them.

Anyone who is struggling out there needs to evaluate their efforts and look at what they are eating because it can have a huge impact, particularly counting any bites or licks that normally you wouldn't have given a second thought to. I can honestly say that by making a few changes I have managed a wonderful result this week and I am celebrating the only way I know how, by setting myself another challenge to get a good result the next time I weigh in.

Until next time,

I have been hiding......

2009-12-14T23:05:00.000+10:30

From myself. I've been hibernating in the vain hope that denial will help me ignore the fact that I've been yo-yoing instead of losing weight. I've done so much sabotage and damage that I have turned the corner in time for a new month, a new me and in time for the new year. I weighed in last week and was disgusted with myself for allowing a 1.3Kg gain in 3 weeks. I knew I had done it to myself and that I could only blame myself, not the food for not doing what I know is best for me and my body. I have turned the corner though and have gone back to basics such as using my online tracker like a watchdog, using my journal to record mood swings, food thoughts and anything else I can think of, making sure my breakfast is not coffee and toast which seems to make me not cope, definitely seen it this week as I have been irritable from lack of caffeine. This is not a bad thing however, my caffeine intake has maintained a constant dehydrated feeling which in itself is not good for anyone. So it has been a case of a complete 180 degree about face turn to try and reverse the damage done and get back to my former glory.

In order to assist that change I have decided to try Zumba classes, a South American dance class of high intensity that will see me sweat the kilos away hopefully and the opportunity to go to a Latin American class plus doing some swimming afterwards! I'm sure to start the process of weight loss in a good way and it will give me the incentive to keep going.

At this time of year it is difficult to keep the kilos off, especially when things like work dinners are on, such is the case tomorrow night, but having picked the restaurant myself (hehe!), I have planned in advance what I am eating thanks to the menu being available for perusal and kept within my allowance for the day thanks to some well saved bonus points! All up the night will not hurt me as much as initially first thought and I get dessert too! Also Christmas Day is looming and with 18 guests and luckily being held at my house means I am telling everyone what to bring! The year is finishing on a very busy note!!!

I hope all of you have a very lovely Christmas and a safe and prosperous New Year! Hopefully I will get to tell you guys all about my week before Christmas comes along!

Until next time,

YAY, what an experience!

2009-11-02T21:30:00.001+10:30

Hi All,

Well I finally conquered the 10Km walk in the Race 4 Life! I managed to do it in just under 2 hours and I felt like it had been a huge achievement for me. I also met up with the leaders and staff from Weight Watchers for the Weight Watchers Pink Ribbon Lunch which was full of delicious low-point foods before going for another walk. Then I ended up staying in the city to buy Nibblies and some sheets for our bed. Needless to say, when I went to bed I had racked up a massive 20.28Km walk which earnt me 10 bonus points!! I was so stoked!! I can't wait to get on the scales this week and see the results but boy was it a great feeling knowing I had exercised so much!

I am feeling it today however with muscles aching in certain spots but as they say no pain, no gain! I kept thinking to myself that I was doing it all for some special people who I've come across in my life and I figured that if I kept their images in my head it would spur me on to keep going even though some of the inclines around the Torrens were tough going, especially in 36 degree heat. I certainly felt like I had done something special, one in memoriam of one of the people I know who passed away from breast cancer two years ago and one for someone close to me who is currently suffering through the process of chemotherapy. I keep the thought that I only get one shot in life and to make it a fulfilling one as I know that in cruel twists of fate some people don't get the chance to fully live theirs.

To the two ladies I walked for yesterday, I would proudly like to say it was my honour to do it for you.

Until next time,

OK, so I was stressing for nothing!

2009-10-31T13:36:00.000+10:30

I was stressing for nothing today!

I lost 1.2Kg today and I feel great! I went shopping and bought some shoes to go with my new dress and thongs for summer. I bought items to wear for the 10Km walk I am doing tomorrow for the Race 4 Life which means I am fully kitted out and ready to go. I must say, losing weight has been an experience over the time I have done it. I have suffered highs and lows throughout my journey but never once have I given up. I figure if I give up then I am doing not only my body a disservice but my mind too as I can then let the old habits and thoughts creep back and return to how I looked 2 years ago. I can definitely say it will never happen because I like the fact that I am buying size 12 clothes even though I still think of myself as overweight and because I have more energy than before.

Here's hoping I don't die in the heat tomorrow when I do the 10Km walk, it is going to be a huge challenge!!! I will be doing the 10Km walk in honour of people I know and knew that have suffered with breast cancer. I'll let you all know how I go!

Until next time,

How do I handle this???

2009-10-30T21:04:00.001+10:30

Hi All,

It's been a very tough week for me this week. I have had to get my head around two different yet equally soul destroying moments from last weekend and even this week that have taken their toll in a dramatic way. As usual, I emotionally curled up into the foetal position and ate what I was feeling on and off this past week. I am ashamed to admit it but am admitting it so that I can put it in writing to show myself that I'm still coming out the other side. I've still got some very personal demons to deal with and don't know if I'll ever truly overcome them. I am still very insecure about my looks and even though I've gone down two dress sizes, Tony tells me I am more gorgeous than when he first met me, I still can't see it. I try my hardest to push past my insecurities but when you get people tearing you down all the time it can be really hard to bounce back, especially when they make comments about your age, your looks or even your skills.

Last weekend I went to weigh in at my usual meeting on a Saturday morning. I was all ready to hop on the scales and face the numbers even though I've told myself time and again that I am not defined by a number, I am defined by how I feel. I had a feeling within myself that I had put on weight that week and I was ready for it, warts and all. What threw me off was that the person who weighed me commented on the fact that I had put on weight and then proceeded to ask why that was. I felt extremely uncomfortable telling that person what it was about my week that had caused a 900g gain. I know in myself that I've been under extreme stress with family issues, work issues and that favourite time of the month for us ladies which always causes me to go a bit wonky the week before and during that I get it. I'm not sure if I am right about this but I don't think the person weighing you has any right to say anything to you if you lose or even if you put on weight. They shouldn't say anything at all because let's face it, weight loss is an extremely sensitive issue and no one wants to have it broadcast by another person when they put on or lose weight in front of a large group of people, which for me was the ultimate humiliation as the line was up to 12 people long by the time I was weighing in. I felt really embarrassed and upset by the experience and so now I am dreading my weigh in tomorrow because if I get the same person weighing me again I don't think I will cope very well, especially if it is another gain.

I also had to deal with an issue at my church. I am a part of the choir in church and there are not many people who do it and do it well. There are only 2 teenagers in the choir and the rest of the choir are in the over 40 bracket except for the other guy who does items with his guitar and the odd choir part. When it was mentioned that a choir was needed for a particular service I offered to help out with it only to be told that someone with a more youthful approach was needed. I was shocked at this person's remark as well as embarrassed because I was being called old at 32 and made to feel very uncomfortable. I didn't think I was old and it made me feel very sad. When I've been hearing that 30 is the new 20, to be called old is really quite insulting.

These issues along with the ones with work, where I have a co-worker who is jealous that I have a data entry speed that is faster than hers and therefore I can churn out more licences than what she can, which I might add is impressing my boss and helping me to secure a permanent position within the company, are making me feel attacked and once again I am facing old demons of insecurity and worthiness which in turn leads to a battle with food.

How can someone handle all of this in one week? When do you say I give up and throw in the towel? How much must a person be kicked before they can take no more?

These issues alone are easy to overcome. All at once and the battle begins not to lose your sanity, not to devour all the foods you know are bad for you, not to start falling into old routines and old habits. It is so difficult and you wonder sometimes if you are meant to cope with all of this. I am certainly being tested at the moment but I refuse to back down. I shall simply retreat and save myself, but not to the point where I disappear and put weight back on. Going back to where I started is not an option.

Some quotes to help keep going are:

The hardest battle you're ever going to fight is the battle to be just you - Leo F Buscaglia

You will conquer by patience - Unknown

These are two that will help me this week as I fight the good fight without losing myself in the process. What are you fighting against this week? Can you conquer your battles too?

Until next time,

Win, win, win!!!!

2009-10-22T23:21:00.000+10:30

It is that time of year when spring has sprung and we're all thinking about getting into a cossie for the summer! Well, in order to do it you have to be motivated and for me that means losing a little weight to look fab in a size 12 bikini!!!! A girl has to look fab when she is in Queensland!! This for me would be a winning situation!

Speaking of winning situations, ever wanted to be a winner??? I sure do and I know the perfect place to do it: Looking for Online Weight Loss Support? Then why don't you pop by and check out www.weareslimming.com.au/forum

This website has everything you would want in a weight loss support forum. Lots of hints and tips as well as fashion, food and lifestyle! I am a member of this forum and I love it! It is one of the most perfect ways to feel like I belong with people who have the same goal as me - to win the battle of the bulge! Although my battle is a lot smaller now than before, I still am working on it because keeping weight off isn't easy and it isn't something you can do overnight either. It takes sheer hard work and determination which isn't something you just have. I know for me I can't snap my fingers and be instantly skinny. I'd like to but it isn't realistic when temptation is right across the road in the deli with foods that I occasionally have cravings for.

Sometimes I think being overweight and being pregnant are slightly related because you do get cravings with both. As someone who is still battling I know that I craved salt the other day and I couldn't work out why. I have done some research though and a craving for salt means you are needing both salt and potassium in your diet. Methinks I need to see my dr just a little bit and question a few things. I'd like to see my regular dr and ask his opinion plus get a new referral for an ultrasound on my kidneys to make sure I am okay as I still have pain in my kidneys even though I am no longer fighting an infection (a new challenge for me to tackle!).

Even though I am having a few rotten moments, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Pretty shortly I will no longer be a temp. My work offered me a job the other day and when they get it down on paper, they will give it to me as a formal offer and I can peruse it and make up my mind if I want the position. So another win for me!

So that is three wins in one week, possibly four though if you count the Adelaide United Women's League tickets I scored too!!!!

Here's hoping I will have an awesome week next week!

Until then,

Wow, what a weekend!!!!!

2009-10-13T23:23:00.001+10:30

Ok, I just had THE best weekend!!!!!

Apart from my 900g loss, I got made over by Trinny and Susannah!!!! For those of you who do not know about them, they are Britain's makeover queens who take women and transform them.

I went after being invited by my Weight Watchers leader and friend Sharon to Tea Tree Plaza to watch the show. Little did I know that they chose people from the audience to partake in the makeovers and I was chosen. As you can see from the before shots, I was wearing nothing special, just my workout gear as I had planned on going for a walk later on in the afternoon and figured I would be more comfortable. I screamed "in need of help" to them and Trinny picked me.

I spoke about my weight loss and I was led away to be transformed. After the transformation I was brought back on stage in front of everyone and I couldn't stop grinning like an idiot. I felt very different! Looking at the photos you can see why:

The best part was the fact that I had caught the eye of my local newspaper The Advertiser and also the Channel 7 news team. Here are photos of me being interviewed:

The biggest highlight for me was appearing on the news and also the article in Adelaide Confidential that came out the next day:

Of course the day wouldn't be complete without $175 in vouchers to go and buy clothes. It was the best feeling and I even got to keep the Trinny & Susannah shapewear that I wore under my dress! I even got phone calls from people and my mum had people ringing her lots about my appearances. So please excuse me while I sit on cloud 9 for a while and bask in the fact that I feel good and that I've been told I'm gorgeous, it took 18 months of sheer hard work to get this way!

I must say though, for those of you still on your journey, this is one way of celebrating some very hard work and showing off to people and having nice comments said does give you a boost of confidence and a spring in your step that you didn't have before. I would never have dared to dress like the photos in a million years, I am not that confident yet!

Until next time,

YAY!!!!!!!

2009-10-10T20:43:00.000+10:30

Hooray for me, I finally turned things around!

Today was scale-facing day and I stared them down enough to lose a whopping 900g! Not bad for someone who was backsliding fast!!! Having looked at my eating habits, tracking what I ate for the last week and attending two meetings a week I have conquered some very big demons.

I must admit my leader Sharon was right. If you don't track then you don't lose. Kind of a good mantra to have because I also find that I don't go over my points too when I track. Funny that I did that during the week and managed a fantastic loss. Tracking has also shown me when I've had a bad day and made wrong choices and when I've had great days and kept within my points allowance.

It is funny when people comment on my eating habits and ask me if I'm only going to eat a small portion of food that they would consider a snack. That happened today when I had lunch even though I ate a very healthy meal made of vegetables. It was filling for me but looking at the other plates on the table I knew it was considered a sub-standard amount of food in comparison. I didn't mind though, it just showed me yet again how portions are over-sized generally.

How many times have you served yourself and realised your portion size was too big? How many times have you not tracked your food and found out you gained weight as a result? I know first hand and can honestly say that I have done both in my lifetime, even lately when I've gone up for an all-you-can-eat salad bar which has hidden ingredients.

This week starts anew and the challenge is on to exercise more this week and watch my daily points allowance so that I don't go over. What's you challenge for this week?

Until next time,

Doh!

2009-10-03T17:42:00.000+09:30

Okay, so I knew this wasn't going to be easy. You all know what I'm talking about when I mention the words "weigh in". After a few months of procrastination I finally decided to face up to the scales and see just how much weight I was carrying. I estimated that I had put on 5Kg and boy was I not far off. I had put on 4.9Kg and I wasn't proud of myself. So I did what anyone would, I slunk off with my tail between my legs and re-signed with Weight Watchers to lose the weight and get back to my former glory.

I can imagine that by now you have reacted in one of two ways. The first being "I knew she couldn't keep it off forever" or the second being "I've been there X amount of times". To my naysayers out there, I ask them what efforts they have made to keep their weight in check and to the others who have been in my shoes I say let's commiserate together and get on with the job at hand.

This time I have made a new benchmark however and I am planning on getting down to 74Kg. My goal weight with Weight Watchers is 81Kg but I figure if I go below that then when I put on 5Kg I know I have not broken the vow of being over and above my Weight Watchers goal weight and I can work on going back down. I had intended on doing that the first time around but I had people saying I looked fine the way I was. I look fine now (you really can't tell much where I've put it on) but I feel uncomfortable knowing I didn't stick to it properly and let the weight creep back on.

So my new challenge is to stick with what I know works to get the weight off and then stay there. If you're in the same boat, let's share our journeys and do it together!

Until next time,

City To Bay - I made it to the finish!!!!

2009-09-24T18:40:00.002+09:30

Hi All,

Well, I did it. I conquered a 12Km run from the Festival Centre to the front of the Beachhouse in Glenelg. I was ecstatic to reach the finish knowing I had put in the hard yards to get there. No matter how many times I stopped to have my puffer or get a drink of water from the water stations, I kept going until the end. I felt like I had conquered Mt Everest, it was a huge achievement for me and I raised $120 for the Animal Welfare League to boot. It has given me a new focus and one which I am keeping on this week.

I have decided to walk the 10Km around the River Torrens on the 1st of November in a race called Run 4 Life. It is to raise money for breast cancer research, support and awareness which is important to me as my mother in law was diagnosed with breast cancer in the same breast twice before it metastasized into her liver. She is now fighting the good fight to continue living. I am dedicating my race to her because I feel that she has given me so much positiveness in my life that has helped me in so many different areas that I should give something back and that is now my motto.

So many times we take things for granted and for me that means a lot. I feel that it is now my time to give back to those who have given to me so I have dedicated myself to supporting certain things, believing in certain things and enriching my life a lot more instead of hiding behind closed doors because I didn't feel comfortable.

I've also changed my attitude to food a little and challenged myself to find something new to try each week that is healthy, wholesome and very yummy. I think this is another challenge I can meet! I'm looking forward to weighing in on Saturday and seeing if I made a difference to myself this week with my efforts. If I haven't then I will keep on going because I will never give up.

Have you thought about giving up lately, or thinking it is all just too hard? Maybe you've decided that there are more important things to worry about than your health. I am here to tell you that you should never not worry about your health and well being and that you should make sure you are in top condition because you never know what could happen and I don't particularly want it to happen to me or anyone else. Care to try and make a difference in your life in a positive and healthy way?

Until next time,

Difficult Week

2009-09-07T22:34:00.002+09:30

This week is a very difficult week.

I have found out that two people I love and care about have cancer. The one disease that seems to strike a lot of people is one which has now affected me directly. One person is a very close relative and the other a very close friend. It is very dark and depressing and it hurts too. How do you get past something like this? How do you not want to chuck in the towel and say that things are too hard and that you want to enjoy life the way you want instead of adhering to something? It depends on what you consider important.

For me at the moment, the importance of staying healthy, staying sane and doing things for myself help me get through every single day. I am watching my food intake and saying no when I don't feel like something, I am making sure that I don't have money to spend on fatty foods and bringing healthy alternatives instead as snacks to work (gotta love sweet chilli and sour cream rice crackers!!!!) instead of raiding the lolly jar, biscuit barrel or buying a hot dog from across the road. Drinking 1.25L of water a day certainly helps keep you full and keeps your mouth, throat and stomach busy while you are working.

It is too easy to give up and say that life isn't worth living when people around you are dying. For me, shutting down is not an option. Hence why I am making an effort to make sure I keep going. My first conquest is 12Km worth of running/walking next weekend to support the Animal Welfare League. The next conquest is to get back to the gym if I manage to secure the position going at work in 8 weeks time. I will get there, I am strong, I am fierce and nothing is going to stop me.

The question for you is, what strength do you have and how are you going to use it to your best advantage? There are different types of hard in the world (and I am facing mine at the moment) but you are the one who chooses which hard you want.

Until next time,

City To Bay

2009-08-15T22:07:00.003+09:30

Hi there!

Well I guess after reading the title you might know what I am on about! The City to Bay run is on the 20th of September and yours truly decided it was time to challenge myself and enter! It is a little daunting to know that I have entered the huge category of 12Km run but I figure that I shall do it at intervals of walking and running so that I can get through the race.

However, my biggest problem is my fundraising efforts! I seem to have only raised $25 for a worthy cause such as The Animal Welfare League who here in SA take in thousands of abandoned and abused animals and find loving homes for them. The biggest problem with undertaking such a mammoth task as this is making sure there is enough food, bedding and toys for the animals to play with whilst they are there.

I decided to support this charity because my cat Shadow came from the Animal Welfare League and I got the most superb animal ever. He was abandoned at 14 weeks and left to die in the middle of nowhere when The Animal Welfare League came to his rescue. For the meager cost of $65 I received a kitten in healthy condition who had been vaccinated, micro-chipped and desexed. He is the most loving creature and has really warmed to our family but is very wary of strangers in and around the house.

Here is a photo of him:

So to honour the fact that I saved an animal from death and gave it a loving home I decided it was time to give something back. In the process it has meant that I have ramped up my exercise in the bid to get fit. Seeing as I only have 4 weeks to go until the big day I decided I would hit the pavement to try and increase my fitness. It has been all systems go and I even purchased a Wii Fit to help me improve my posture, balance, muscle tone and aerobic fitness for when I am unable to get out of the house. I have also improved my diet a little by choosing wisely - something I did on Friday night when I had a birthday to go to and knowing the food on offer would be high in calories, I made the smart choice to eat at home and pass on the cheesecake for dessert. I was proud of myself for having made the choice and sticking to my guns but I feel that to do anything else is going backwards. On another note, all of this healthy living is also making me lose weight. I have lost 800g this week and I am jumping for joy. I figure the more times I can go for a walk after work and even on weekends, the better I feel, the better my moods and the more I see my body change. Right now it hurts as I have stretched muscles that haven't been used in a while but I shall get there, one day at a time.

If you would like to make a donation you can go to my hero page at
www.everydayhero.com.au/sonya_carbone and help out this worthy cause!

Until next time,

Healthy Life Awards

2009-08-06T21:38:00.001+09:30

I have just entered the Weight Watchers Healthy Life Awards!

Please help me with the People's Choice Awards by voting for me!

Healthy Life Awards

Shared via AddThis

Hello Dolly!

2009-08-03T19:15:00.002+09:30

Hello Dolly is what I say to myself every morning now. I get up and look in the mirror and see this young thing staring back at me who wasn't there 2 years ago. Vibrant skin, bounce in the step and preening, oh so much preening!!! It is hard not to preen when you feel ultra good about yourself. You want to wear nice clothes, you want to put make up on and you definitely feel like smiling.

This week has me smiling a little bit more. Not only am I working, I am also a little lighter this week, 600g in fact. Not a huge amount but a significant loss and one I am proud of! I felt motivated when Tony suggested a 3Km walk back from the mechanic's last week in the rain, holding the umbrella for me whilst I walked next to him. I also felt motivated when I walked into KFC on Friday night and walked out again with a treat for my kids and nothing for myself, it was liberating and the funny thing was, I couldn't believe how awful the chip I tried tasted when I ate it. The grease literally coated my tongue (it is always a test for me to try out the foods I once considered a staple in my diet and see if I still liked them) and made me feel like I had licked a cold, greasy frypan. It was disgusting and I'm so glad I hate that kind of food. I literally went home and made a healthy, yummy lentil burger which tasted oh so good!!!! Nothing better than healthy food, particularly when you grow it yourself!!!!

This week has seen me eating cos lettuce out of our very own vegie patch. It is exciting watching it grow. We also have a beautiful head of broccoli forming, it is now the size of a tennis ball and so awesome because there are no chemicals on it!! Next week will see the arrival of our chooks, how nice will it be to poach an egg from a chook that has been organically fed and is also free range!!! Can't wait to see the difference in yolk colour!!

I have to admit that all the hard efforts of growing vegies, composting scraps for fertiliser and having my own chooks is only paying off for my vital organs. No longer am I a slave to the beasts lurking potentially if I had continued my previous lifestyle, now I see freedom and happiness in the future.

It is all about what you want more out of life, the right now or right tomorrow, I know what I've decided is more important, how about you?

Until next time,

Winter is.......

2009-07-21T23:02:00.002+09:30

Depressing. Especially when you find yourself being told on a Thursday afternoon that you are no longer employed. That is what happened to me last week and I felt awful. However, I did not go and eat a whole cow or horse to wallow in how I was feeling. I decided to turn my frown upside down and do some positive stuff with my kids to end the holidays on a good note and feel better about the situation.

I went and saw the new Hannah Montana movie with the youngest, went to dinner with the eldest, went shopping with the middle child and then went out to dinner with all three of them. Figured that was enough to cheer me up!! I feel better this week, particularly as agencies are chasing me for work which is making me feel heaps better. Tony is getting excited about the prospects and even pushing for me to go full time which I am not sure I could handle unless it was a low-pressure job but I am just taking things easy for now. I figure whilst I am waiting for something to happen I can exercise and take care of myself and keep going. So Tony and I are walking every day for half an hour in the beautiful natural reserve behind our house. It is proving to be cathartic for me and I'm a lot more positive. Could be the sunshine working its magic too.

On another note, I found out today that people in my mother's circle of friends have been asking me if I am still skinny (how unfair is that!) and wondering how I did it. My mother has been telling them that yes I am still skinny and I am doing wonderful. Just to stick it to them I proudly pulled up my top and showed my mother my smooth, small belly and told her that I was doing great even if I did think that it was none of anyone's business. I am proud of myself for sticking to my guns over the last few weeks, even with all the struggling I have done.

But seriously, since when is it nice to be asking if someone has decided to slip up and become the obese person they once were??? I find it extremely rude and can't believe how narrow-minded people are to think that I would simply yo yo. I'd like to publicly declare that this is my lifestyle now, thanks I'll pass on the bad foods, I want to see my children grow up, get married and have their kids have kids thanks. I'd rather not be in an early grave or be told I contracted some horrible illness thanks to eating myself to death. Since when is it someone's business to know if I am struggling with my weight???? Is it because they themselves are obese and are too ashamed to admit it??? Does it make me human if I am or alien if I am not??? I like the fact that I can shop where I feel like and have clothes look nice on me. I like the fact that I can sit on a plane and be comfortable. I like the fact that I can now hopefully go on the swing chair ride at the Royal Show (boy am I aching to find out!) without feeling like my bottom has been squeezed into a vice. It is not up to the rest of the world to judge me, it is up to myself. Only I know the answers to all the questions about my weight.

Until next time,

Operation Get Me Back Week 6

2009-07-09T21:06:00.002+09:30

Oops I missed a week but time flies when you are counting your steps!!!

After 6 weeks I can finally say I am back on track and feeling better. I'm still working on the greater picture but knowing that I have the right tools, the right support and the information I need to succeed, there is no failure.

Failure was something to get my head around in the last two weeks. I thought that by putting weight on it meant that I had failed, or that I had let myself down. All it meant was that I was human and that sometimes life gets in the way. I have definitely learnt that I do not need to go overboard to have a good time, I do not need alcohol to party the night away, I do not need food as a comfort if I am feeling low (I have a bed for that, sleep is the ultimate comfort) and I definitely do not need to be away from people if I am struggling.

After tracking my food for a week I realised it wasn't all that bad. Yes I had indulged a couple of times but it wasn't to the extreme. I did not see the weight police on my door when I did. I do not see my lifestyle as a life-sentence. It is a choice I make, be healthy or feel like I did 3 years ago. My choice, my decision.

This weekend is my birthday. I can honestly say that it feels fantastic to be 32 on Saturday and fit into a size 12. There is nothing more exhilarating than being able to shop inside 2 hours and come out of the stores having spent $150 and having bought 10 items to wear. I did that a few weeks ago and laughed until I could laugh no more. I laughed at all the times it took me 4 hours to find one dress, one jacket, one top, one pair of jeans and a pair of shoes. I laughed at all the times I put something on that looked nice but looked hideous on me. I laughed at the obese person I was and poked fun at the woman who would sit and cry over not being able to wear it and said "look at me now!!!!!". If I don't laugh, then I cry about it. How do you let yourself go to the point where you no longer like what you see in the mirror??

I certainly don't have any answers but I do know that I have been there and now I am back to where I like myself, a size 12 and fighting fit. I can run now without feeling like the Hulk is running, my ankles no longer look like cankles, I have lost the rash from my lower legs and I definitely move better without 25Kg on my body. Pity my "girls" are smaller but that is not a bad thing, my back is thankful.

Life can throw you a curve ball but the question is whether you can catch it and throw it back......I certainly did!

Until next time,

Operation Get Me Back Week 4

2009-06-19T10:46:00.002+09:30

Sorry everyone I have been MIA but have been slowly recovering from a nasty headcold which is slowly clearing up. As for Operation Get Me Back, it has slowly been happening. Some little changes here and there (like going shopping!!!!) has helped me heaps, I feel more together than ever. I also have been tracking this week just to see how I am going and to work out if I'm still sticking to the plan. I'm pleased to report that I've not only been sticking to the plan but have been exercising on and off too. I prefer to park as far away from the shopping centre door as I can and walk the distance before scooting down aisles or around the massive square that is my mini-mall! It is fantastic to walk into a store I've always wanted to shop at and find cute little tops to wear with jeans, pants and skirts. I've enjoyed looking!! Tony reckons he is going to buy me a pair of short denim shorts for summer (heaven forbid!)as he is seeing the confidence I have gotten mixing and matching my wardrobe! My mother in law thinks I am a thinspiration and has decided to tackle her own weight (which is a small amount - lucky her!) and has decided to try and encourage her friends too who are all feeling gloomy about themselves, as we do in winter! I have maintained that seeing as I started close to winter, it is no time to slack off or become down about things. My house is now something I am proud of, I am able to clean up with my new vacuum cleaner, bake scrumptious low point dishes such as my vegetable bake in my new oven and make other items using my new breadmaker, which reminds me, a loaf needs to be made today!

I've spent time with people who have not known where to start improving themselves and have gotten lost along the way in their journey to trim down with Weight Watchers. Luckily I was able to point them in the right direction by getting their hair cut and coloured, nothing drastic, just a trim and a different shade than normal, talk to an expert in skin care to help their skin on their face radiate as they age, wear makeup to enhance their best features such as their eyes or lips, walk a lot to help with weight loss, something that is easy to do but something we all forget about when we have busy lives and also think about the positives which are within themselves. If everyone were to look at each area one at a time and change a few things, it is amazing to see the transformation in a person as they gain more confidence.

The other issue most people find difficult is buying clothes to hide the lumps and bumps as you slim down, buy clothes which make you look thinner, wear clothing that enhances the features you are semi-happy with at the moment but you know could do with slimming down a little more and also buying clothes which don't clash with eye or hair colour. These simple yet effective tips can dramatically make a person go from frump to fab in a matter of minutes but it is taking the first step which is the hardest. If ever you are unsure as to how to wear a particular piece of clothing, don't be afraid to ask the sales assistant to help you work it out and they may even suggest other items such as accessories to accentuate the look.

Until next time,

Week 2 - Operation Get Me Back

2009-05-28T18:35:00.000+09:30

Well, after a tough first week of trying to get started with cleaning up my life, I have had a couple of setbacks.

The oven arrived last Saturday and I have been using it to its full advantage. I started cleaning the house and making it look tidy but the vacuum cleaner doesn't work properly and I was going to buy a new one but the model I wanted was sold out.

I have been trying to curb my eating because I've been emotional in the past 4 weeks and just when I thought I was making headway, I jumped on the scales and got upset. Although I've only put on a couple of kilos, it hurts knowing that I've done it to myself by not being vigilant. I'm here to tell you that just because you work hard for something, doesn't mean you can slacken off completely and I thought I was doing ok. Just goes to show I was kidding myself a little so now I am back at it with a bit more of a positive attitude to get my mojo back.

My moods have been nice and even which is good but it is never nice facing the scales and I am afraid of going to Weight Watchers and getting the officially recorded damage written on my card. It's the first time I have been actually petrified of weighing in. How silly is that?? A grown woman afraid of something so simple, but try and tell me that my fear is unfounded......you can't because you are in the same boat as me when you've struggled.

I will weigh in but not until Saturday morning when hopefully I will be in a better frame of mind.

Until next time,

Week 1 - Operation Get Me Back

2009-05-20T22:47:00.002+09:30

I have tried my hardest this last week.

In a covert operation known as "Get Me Back" I have tried to bounce back. It started with re-evaluating things in my life - surroundings, people and places. I looked at what makes me happy, what I need to change and what areas need my focus at the moment. So operation "Get Me Back" is now in progress as I shape up my life without any help from self-help books, magical cures, special teas, snazzy equipment or little pills - (ok maybe some little pills).

I have decided that my space needs a clean out. I get this itch every year to clean up my living quarters and throw stuff out that is no longer needed and is just taking up space. I have a number of furniture items screaming for the dump, stuff I have hung onto for no reason etc.

As far as people goes, I feel most happiest around my friends and keeping up with the various areas within my life where my friends are. Be that at my Weight Watchers meetings, church, having coffees with them at various venues or online.

I also felt that I need to be in various places to feel happy too. It is amazing how just spending the day with friends at their house has such an impact on me. Not only am I surrounded by people who love me, but I am also surrounded by peace and understanding. There is no stress and I feel wonderful after the experience. I have realised that I am now a social creature who needs to not only spend time with family, but with friends too. I can't be chained to the house all the time, it depresses me. This was evident last week, but after going out for coffee this week, sleeping extra hours on Tuesday and an ultra busy weekend this weekend, I have no time to be upset and depressed or bored, there is way too much to do!!

I have also cleaned out the rest of my wardrobe, getting rid of old socks that have lost elastic, clothes that are too big/old/worn out, making space for items that require storage etc. The next job is to tackle the housework but I shall be doing it by tackling each room one at a time, pulling it apart, sorting it, storing the needed items properly in the right containers and then cleaning and re-organising what is left.

I am going to get myself back to the way I like myself and my life.

The life gets tackled first as it is the biggest job and as the motto goes:

the only way out of it is into it

Until next time,

The down track

2009-05-14T19:35:00.002+09:30

Ok, I have been absent for a while, but then I have been absent most of this week with the way I have felt.

As the week has started I have had really bad PMS and been very upset. This has since spiralled into a depressive state and not something I like to be in. It kind of started last week really but has been continuing and I am now doing what I like to call the cancel game. This is where I go and cancel things I have to do because I am not up for being sociable or having conversations.

It is very hard when you are depressed because you don't feel like eating, exercising or doing much else. I am pushing myself to eat and go to work at the moment but where I can beg off of doing something I am taking the easy option. I know that it isn't right but it is a coping mechanism I developed at a time where I completely fell apart, wasn't eating and dropped a lot of weight. I looked sick at the time. So now the plan is to force myself to eat and function as much as possible which includes going to work, having a shower and getting sleep. I figure the more I try and stick to routine the better it works.

I guess this is the down track of having successfully conquered my weight. I also knew it was coming too because the weather has changed. It is now dark earlier and I've not seen the sun much and I feel slightly stressed. It happens occasionally and is not caused by another illness known as Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is because around this time it comes close to my birthday and when my birthday comes close I become disjointed as my dad committed suicide in June of 2001.

It is not something that rules my life any more but it does have an impact. I have been down on and off during my weight loss and now that I have finished accomplishing the goal I have to come off of my high that I have been on for the last 8 weeks. It is a byproduct of a good mood. Not a good way to be but then again, I never asked for it, it was dealt in a cruel blow as it is hereditary and my sister has the illness too.

I am trying to pull myself up and get back to being a happy spirit but it does take a while. At the moment I feel very tired, listless, down and out and quite sad. Hopefully we'll see the bouncy Sonya again soon.

Until next time,

I AM THERE!!!!!!

2009-05-07T19:35:00.002+09:30

Hi All,

Sorry it has been so long but I've been out enjoying my life and revelling in the fact that I have finally achieved the pinnacle of my mountain......

I AM A LIFETIME MEMBER OF WEIGHT WATCHERS!!!!!!!!!!

I have done my 6 weeks of maintenance and am now well on my way. Having reached the pinnacle I am now coming down off of the high I've been on, you could say the aftermath of being on cloud 9. It is very easy to go back to the way I used to be but I have learnt that there are definitely some things in life I do not want:

1. I do not want to be obese
2. I do not want to be unfit
3. I do not want to lose sight of my big picture
4. I do not want to lose my way
5. I do not want to lose my new found self esteem

These are not options I want. I want to be fit, healthy and happy. I am worth every hard yard and the tears that have gone into it.

I am me and I like me.

Until next time,

I Survived!!!!

2009-04-25T23:00:00.002+09:30

Well, it is 11pm and I am at home after being at the restaurant for dinner tonight. I had a good time although I had to deal with some child issues and enjoyed eating my dinner.

After consulting the menu and my Eating Out guide I came to the conclusion that I would be able to have some good food without the necessary calories. I ordered a minestrone for starters and had fettucine napolitana for main. I skipped dessert which was birthday cake iced with cream and had a skinny hot chocolate. During dinner I only had water and diet coke for drinks. I also had a small amount of lettuce that was dressed to top off a lovely meal with 2 small bread rolls with a tiny amount of butter.

All up I know the amount of food consumed was less than I was allowed so I could quite easily eat more now if I want but I'm not hungry, the beauty of eating power packed food for less calories. It was nice being back at the restaurant which serves delicious food and has the right ambience with the family there. It was noticed by relatives who have not seen me for roughly about a year to two years that I had lost some weight. I stood up and said to them to try 40 kilos. They were aghast that I had lost that much but said I looked wonderful. That made me feel very good.

I like being able to go out and have a relaxing and nice meal and know safely that I am not eating something that will lead to me putting on weight.

Until next time,

Last stop before LTM!!!!

2009-04-23T21:05:00.002+09:30

Well, after a chocolate PMS fuelled week I should only get on the scales expecting a gain. To my surprise, the damage was far less than I had expected. A whole 600g, I can work that off easy.

I only have one more week before I get to life time member status and I so want to be there next week. It would mean that I have come full circle in 52 weeks, how sweet it is to know that I have conquered my weight within a year. I have pushed myself very hard to get here and maintain it. On the maintenance I have been pretty good and have known my limitations. I think that is the key to weight loss. Knowing your limitations and sticking within those limits.

My limits don't include such empty calories as soft drinks, greasy fast food, fatty or creamy dinners and portion sizes usually reserved for a whole family. They also don't include spending hours on my bottom nor procrastinating over a particular chore.

Within my journey I have learnt the following things that have helped me along:

1. Small steps are always the best and should be celebrated
2. Each empty calorie I consume will only lead to heartbreak
3. Exercise is the only way to keep my body in shape but it doesn't necessarily have to be dull
4. Allow occasional treats but don't let them become a habit as habits are hard to break
5. Water doesn't have to be boring
6. Centimetres are the best measurements to analyse
7. Experimenting with food can be fun
8. Persistence is the only way to get where you want to be
9. No one can stop you from achieving your goals
10. Support networks help you to succeed with anything

For those of you contemplating losing weight I recommend Weight Watchers. You will not only regain your life but you will also realise just how you have been treating your body all these years.

Good luck and see you at the finish line!

They're BACK!!!!!!

2009-04-17T21:35:00.002+09:30

Today I decided to put all my eggs in one basket and without phoning, go to the jeweller and see if my rings were ready to be collected.

I got there and asked and they were in. I was so happy and so excited. He slid the rings out of the envelope and to my shock they looked so tiny compared to before. I actually thought I wouldn't get them on my fingers. I started putting them on one by one and to my amazement they slid over my knuckles, I wanted to cry. It was the final nail in my weight loss coffin, I had put the last demon inside of it and made it ready for burial in my mind. As I looked down at my hands I noticed a) I needed moisturiser really quick lol (stupid dry hands!) and b) my rings were dazzelling and so bright and shiny. Even now as I type my eyes are diverting down to my hands and in the dim light they sparkle.

Since I started my weight loss journey I've always had my rings around my neck as they were too big and I couldn't wear them. I can now proudly show off my rings and no longer feel ashamed at their size. For those of you who are curious to know what size I went from until the resize, I started at size U and went down to a P. 5 whole sizes is a lot to go down.

Now I have to keep my hands and nails looking nice to compliment my new, shiny rings lol.

Until next time,

Shifty Scales????

2009-04-16T18:09:00.002+09:30

Hi All,

Just thought it was about time I updated you on my weight loss journey!

I decided to visit my old meeting and get weighed in so that I could have a quiet and peaceful evening at home relaxing tonight. I got onto the scales only to find I had lost 1.1Kg. Now I should be jumping up and down with joy at my achievement but I, and Tony, are a little dubious about the scales. Let me paint you a picture.....

Easter Weekend I ate like a complete pig. I had fatty foods, chocolate, cake, chocolate wafer biscuits made with dark chocolate and butter, I had alcohol and I didn't exercise much. I couldn't believe I had behaved like that. I would have thought after eating as much as I did and not exercising that I would put on weight, particularly as it is also that time of the month when I would normally carry fluid.

Tony and I are both astounded that I lost so much weight as he even saw what I put in my mouth on Easter Sunday. Tony seems to think that the scales are rigged, I think that possibly they are shifty however I have been told that all the scales all over Australia are calibrated to all be the same. So if that is the case, then basically I should have put on weight given that I ate a disgusting amount of food in my opinion (or food that had a higher fat content than normal) not lost.

In any case I have decided to accept the result seeing as I can't change it and just go with the flow. Either way, I don't care, my jeans still fit, I am happy and life is extremely good. I must say though that I am pleased I lost the weight because after viewing the DVD of my baptism, it was nice looking at a skinnier person on the screen, considering you are supposed to look heavier in front of the camera.

I look forward to the next installment of my journey (the last week of maintenance and possibly achieving lifetime member status at the same time).

Until next time,

Happy Easter!!!!

2009-04-12T08:09:00.002+09:30

Hi Everyone,

Yes I have neglected my poor blog in the last 8 days and as usual so much has happened!

Apart from weighing in and yo-yoing still on maintenance, going up and going down is not really a problem for me as I'm still being really careful with my food, but today is the day I get baptised! I am so looking forward to it.

It is Easter Sunday morning and I am waiting for my tribe to wake up and do the Easter hunt. I have eaten only a few small, solid eggs and am happy not to be gorging myself on sickly sweet chocolate. In fact, I have actually been chipping away at a block of dark chocolate which is so much better for you because of the anti-oxidants within the cocoa beans. I must say, it is so much nicer than milk chocolate as the sugar doesn't hurt my teeth like it does when I eat milk chocolate.

Today's challenge is lunch at my mother's house. As usual, in previous years a roast would be cooked in OIL (yuck) along with roast potatoes - in OIL - and salads coated in dressing made with vinegar and OIL. Now don't get me wrong, I love my mum dearly, but seeing as she knows how much I detest highly fatty food, why is it that she must cook everything in a product that I try not to have so much of. I have gone off the taste of margarine, do not like my food soaking in greasy fat even if it is olive oil, avoid greasy foods that have been cooked in oil and generally grill, stirfry or bake most of my foods..... I just don't get it. That is okay though as it is just another challenge within my journey and one I am sure I can overcome by eating less.

Another good thing that has come out of this week was seeing my inlaws who came up from Hindmarsh Island to see us. They were most impressed with how I was looking and when I informed them I had hit goal they were ecstatic as my step-mother-in-law is also a fellow Weight Watcher who has lifetime membership. It is always nice going to their house for lunches and dinner as she knows what is suitable to eat for me. However, it was different this time and in coming to us it meant we didn't have to try and cram three large young adults in a tiny car for a 2 and a half hour drive to their house.

I also am dog-sitting at the moment and took my friend's rather large rottweiler for a walk yesterday. The walk was nice but what was even better was knowing I could run with the dog and keep up to give myself a really good workout. It was nice feeling to be running and is something I hope to do more of as time goes on.

Alas, the kids are awake and it is time for the egg hunt.

Until next time,

Celebrations!!!!!

2009-04-04T23:27:00.003+10:30

Today I am celebrating. Not only am I celebrating my life in general but I am also celebrating the 700g loss this week. It is well justified and deserved and the scales go down again.

I am celebrating for another reason also today. For the first time ever since I've lost weight I am getting my rings re-sized. It was a very emotional thing to do, to see the last items from my days of being overweight being released into the care of someone else to spruce up, repair and make smaller. My rings were the last testimony of how far I've come. I was gobsmacked however when told I had to go down 5 sizes!!!! Were my fingers really that big??!!! I guess so seeing as they were a size U and I was going back to my old size of being a P. It was fantastic being told I no longer had to wear rings that size but also sad as the realisation of how badly I needed to lose weight preyed on my mind.

The only downside to having had my rings so long was that the claws on my engagement ring were sadly worn away and needed re-clawing, an expensive procedure, and my wedding ring needed beading to be done in order to reset the diamonds in the ring once the gold was heated. For the price I am paying, and for the journey I have been through, it is definitely worth every cent to get them resized and fixed along with my birthday ring which has my birthstone in it, ruby.

I am also celebrating the fact that I am finally getting baptised after all the trials and tribulations of not getting baptised a couple of weeks ago. I was gutted when I realised I couldn't go through with it due to a soccer match. However, the time has come and what more appropriate time than Easter Sunday. I feel amazing. My connection with God is stronger than ever as I am being drawn home to him.

All in all, the day has been one of healing and a sense of peace. I am in awe of just how long it has taken me to get here but I am glad I have made it, I feel better and fitter.

Until next time,

Meh

2009-04-03T17:54:00.003+10:30

I am sitting here with the thought that once again it is the night before weigh in and once again I am wondering which direction I have tipped the scales. Not that I really care now because my size 12 jeans still fit but there are thoughts nagging at me that make me feel like this is too easy.

I've been thinking about how much I have not exercised this week, how much I have consumed in the last week compared to before, my choices of food and even the circumstances I have been in also. However, it still doesn't change the fact that I am still a size 12 and that fact is a good one.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, my heart always lifts after a meeting. I like finding out new information and getting support from the people around me who know where I've been. Unfortunately I've had to change meetings for the time being because of soccer training on a Wednesday night but that is ok, I can cope with that.

I am looking for other things now besides my journey to occupy my time and energy. I am the team manager for Sophia's soccer team, I work 2 days a week now, I go to Bible Study once a week and I teach piano to 3 students. Intertwine all of that with my kids' lives and I have a very busy week.

I'm looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings me, let's hope it is another ray of sunshine like I received today.

Until next time,

I'm famous!!!

2009-03-30T13:51:00.002+10:30

I logged onto my facebook account late last night to find a message from a friend of mine informing me that my pictures were on a website I frequent a lot. I had no idea that they would be posted there or that I would be on the main page of the site. I sent my photos in as part of a competition but didn't realise that everyone would see them!

If you would like to check it, the address is: http://www.thebiggestloser.com.au/before-and-after-sonya.htm

I was absolutely thrilled and read the comments posted about me by other people telling me how well I had done. I was very proud of myself but also super excited, I had never had people telling me that I was a star and that I had inspired them. Tony also put up a link to it on his webpage http://www.trackking.org saying how proud he was of me in such a public forum. He had many of the people who play the game say how good I looked, how I should be modelling his t-shirts etc. The exhiliration and sheer impact of those comments means I feel like I am somebody now. I am no longer worthless, ugly, fat and disgusting. All of those feelings inside of me and all of those thoughts when I looked in the mirror no longer exist. Today I walk proud with my head held high.

I also had someone I hadn't seen for a while turn up for Sophia's soccer match and they asked me who I was, I just giggled knowing that I had turned the corner and no longer see myself as unattractive. I am beautiful inside and out.

Until next time,

And the scales went up......

2009-03-29T17:29:00.002+10:30

Okay, I have to admit that this maintenance thing is a little tricky. After being on the program 2 weeks I have had the scales tip the wrong way and I gained 1.7Kg. I am not going to let it break me however and I have come up with a plan to rescue the 4 weeks of work I have undone in one week.

I think back over the last week and I know where my downfall was. I overate on some days, wasn't exercising as much, pumped too many weights and had some of the symptoms of my IBS return (that's Irritable Bowel Syndrome for those not up with the term) which showed me that I had not drunk enough water either. So it was a bad week but one I shall put behind me.

On the other hand it also taught me something. It taught me that even though I had lost so much weight up until now, it didn't mean that being human and putting on a little weight was such a big deal. Before I used to let it get to me, even if the scales moved 100g in the wrong direction.

For me however, I just see this as a new challenge and I know that I will overcome it. Maintenance I have learned is knowing when enough is enough. This is why it is called Maintenance because you fluctuate during the period you are maintaining. I look forward to getting on the scales next week and seeing if I have managed to undo the damage. Here's hoping I am successful.

Until next time,

Jean-a-licious

2009-03-23T00:02:00.003+10:30

After a very trying start to my morning (in which I discovered that I forgot to renew my script for the pill DOH!!!), I got going with Sophia to her charity soccer match. The weather was beautiful and the nerves were a plenty. The girls played well together as a group even though it was the first time they were playing opponents other than each other. Sophia booted the ball nicely at one point that sent the ball flying through the air for 20 metres, it was a beautiful sight and a proud mummy moment.

After the game we took off to the local shopping complex to buy school clothes for Sophia and jeans and trackies for me. After doing the school shopping, we tackled the next task of jeans. I went to the one store that sells jeans for all shapes and sizes and leg lengths, Jeans West. I tried on 10 pairs of jeans, all of varying colours, designs and looks. I settled on 2 pairs of skinny jeans as I liked the way they fit. I couldn't believe that I came home with size 12 jeans for my body, it was too good to be true! I also managed to hunt down some nice trackies that will keep me warm and are long enough (I seem to have that problem with a lot of clothes!) and came home feeling wonderful, almost floating.

I would love to know within myself how I could get to a point where my appetite ruled my existence and I didn't care what went in. I have tried analysing my journey to see where the break occurred. I am still struggling with it but have seen so many positive signs within myself that I am happier now with how I look. Watching The Biggest Loser has certainly opened my eyes. I can relate to the negativity of being overweight and getting teased, I was constantly picked on for being different because of my height. It is so hard to be going through the hardest time in your life and have someone judge you and tell you that you don't fit in. I still feel like I don't fit in anymore. Through Weight Watchers I have made some amazing friends but yet again, I am not going through the same thing anymore, I am at goal and they aren't quite there yet. I feel a sense of loss with it, I feel that I should have slowed down. I feel like I am over the top at times with my zealousness to get things done, get things finished. I was never competing with anyone to get my weight down but I feel very different to how things were when I wasn't at goal.

How can you be a role model for someone or an inspiration for someone if you are doubting whether you have gone in the right direction because there is no one who you can relate to within your peer group??? I've always wanted to be friends with people who I can relate to and who I can measure up against, but there isn't anyone I know. I would love to be able to compare myself with someone because being who I am now is very scary and I could see how easy it would be to go backwards. I only can compare myself to how I was 18 months ago, that is all I have to go on and it seems surreal.

Maybe I will get the answers to the feelings I have someday.

Until next time,

Weekend Woes.......

2009-03-22T00:45:00.002+10:30

Okay, so, just because I am on maintenance, have changed my employment status to "part time employee" and now have less time on my hands than before, I seem to have slipped a little. I forgot to track yesterday and today and blew my points. I have tried to get the amounts of food I ate as correct as possible as I don't have any idea how some of the food has been prepared but I've given it my best shot and that is all I can ask for.

I was supposed to be baptised this weekend but because of Sophia's soccer match tomorrow, I have postponed it. This upset me greatly last night and I think that led to my downfall a little. I try very hard not to eat my feelings but having TTOM and dealing with emotional issues, my resolve has crumbled a little and I haven't felt good about myself. I have questioned so much that is going on and wondered where I stood in the grand scheme of things. That said, tomorrow is another day and I will get there, even if it means scaling back my points for the day.

I did however get to see my brand new 1st cousin Sia who is the most adorable baby and so quiet too! She is an angel and I got to change her nappy. It was funny as I was asked if I still remembered how to do it (I've only not done it for 11 years!) but I did it perfectly, it was like riding a bike, I remembered everything. It felt good changing a nappy but boy was I glad about handing the baby over to my auntie for a feed. My childbearing days are definitely over and I don't want more kids, that stage of my life is gone for good.

I also went and bought clothes for myself for the first time since I got to goal last week. I ended up with a pair of size 12 pyjamas and three tops for winter in size 12. It was nice getting things from the normal section and finding that I had no issues with fit with them but some of the tops that were a size 12 were not really a size 12, they were smaller in size and I resent the fact that we do not have a standard size here in Australia, it means finding clothes is a traumatic issue for so many women. When will they get it right??? Women all over Australia don't want to walk into stores to find that a size X in one brand is a size Y in another. It isn't fair for our self esteem and it certainly isn't fair for our wallets either as some brands have charged more due to requiring more material for clothing. Designers need to get with the program!!!!!!!

Oh well, guess I will reverse the damage hopefully before weigh in next week.

Until next time,

Yeah Baby!!!!!

2009-03-18T22:07:00.002+10:30

Okay, so another day, another weigh in. Just the results were not what I was expecting though!!!

I've lost a whopping 25 Kg!!!!!! I lost 400g today which means I've conquered my mountain for March and I'm definitely in control. Whilst I thought maintenance was going to make me balloon, I've proved myself wrong (yet again) and the surprises keep on coming.

I feel like a new woman!!!! It also helps to find your work pants that are size 14 are too big to wear and you almost fit into the size 10 on the rack but buy the 12 for comfort!!!!! That felt totally awesome yesterday.

Things feel great, I am on fire and the week is just going to get better I reckon!!!!

First day at my brand new job was fantastic too and I love where I work, the drive is peaceful and I feel refreshed once I've been up in the Barossa's intoxicating beauty.

Until next time,

Why is Maintenance So Hard????

2009-03-16T13:00:00.002+10:30

Okay, so I've hit goal and I am now on maintenance, but why is it so hard???? I've got four extra points to eat and I am finding it difficult to stick to them!!!! I thought this was meant to be the easy part but I am actually struggling with it!!!

Okay, I must admit I celebrated the first couple of days, have been really sick with a cold and although I have gone to the gym, I felt worse than ever on the weekend. I've been running around here, there and everywhere and have still felt reasonably awful so decided today I wasn't going to the gym because my body needed some sort of rest. I have been watching what I eat like a hawk today because yesterday was a complete blowout as I ate a tiny piece of mudcake for a birthday and then had a sensible choice for dinner among the options when we had Chinese which did not include the old favourites of dim sims and spring rolls (I should have just had a sandwich at home methinks!).

Today has been good to me so far though as I've received news that I start a new job on Wednesday (thanks Derry!!) at a winery in the gorgeous Barossa Valley, which is only 30 minutes from home but in the opposite direction of going to the city. It will be nice and peaceful driving there with nothing but rolling hillsides of vineyards to go past instead of being stuck bumper to bumper at 20 sets of traffic lights to get into the city. My biggest problem now is what do I wear?????!!!!!! I tried on my suit pants that I would normally wear for work previously but since my waistline has shrunk considerably, the pants no longer fit and look ridiculous on me!!!! The only suit I have is a jacket and skirt combination that I wore to the interview last week but I don't have any tops to wear underneath it really that look nice enough nor do I have winter shoes to wear with a pair of stockings seeing as the weather has done an about face and we are experiencing rain and cold wind. It is definitely a nice dilemma to have though!!

I think I need to look at maintenance from a different angle this week and try to figure out how to achieve a good balance without going overboard. It was easy losing weight because there was a steely resolve to get to goal but now that I have reached it, relaxing a little has taken on a life of its own and I'm now having to re-evaluate how to cope with those extra points seeing as I didn't have as many as I do now even when I started. I guess that is why we have 6 weeks to manage our weight. The other hard part about maintenance is the fact that I am not allowed to lose any more weight either so if I don't use up the points then I will not really be maintaining.

Oh well, I guess on Wednesday I will see if my week has had a positive or negative effect on my weight.

Until next time,

I DID IT!!!!!!!

2009-03-11T22:25:00.002+10:30

I got to the Weight Watchers goal!!!!!!

Was hoping for a good loss and I lost .9 Kg this week. I am thrilled!!!!! This means I now weigh 80.8 Kg and I am in the healthy weight range. Now to tackle the personal goal of 74 Kg and see how we go, not far off!

Was nervous as anything as I stepped on the scales but it was all over when they were writing on my card that I had weighed in at 80.8 Kg. I got the monkey off my back and conquered a mountain this week, I feel triumphant!!! There is nothing better than getting your first maintenance book.

I also had a job interview today and felt quite chuffed when I was told I had the right qualifications for the position, you don't often get feedback like that so I felt really positive about it. I was told that they would get back to me very soon.

On a more personal front, I am writing my personal story of what my life was like before I became a Christian, what led up to becoming one and how I have changed since then. I'm looking forward to writing it and will be sharing it at my baptism which is coming up soon. I have felt a real positive change in my life recently and it is all for the better.

I never thought things would turn out for me this week, pity I can't say the same for my stepkids' mum. She was struck down with two brain aneurysms and required emergency surgery this week. She is trying to recover but the doctors are unsure of how much brain damage she has sustained as they've had to heavily sedate her due to her thrashing about. I feel sorry for my stepkids as they are unable to see her but hopefully things improve.

This will be an interesting week methinks! Let's hope that it starts off being the best week it can be!

Until next time,

Girls Night Out!

2009-03-09T00:48:00.002+10:30

I have never had so much fun ever with a wonderful group of ladies!

The day started out with a hard slog at the gym in order to prepare for my night out so that I didn't abuse my saved points too much. I walked a whopping 6.9Km on the treadmill before heading home to eat lunch and get ready for a very long overdue haircut at the hairdresser. I had to take Sophia with me as she needed a haircut also but had been begging me for 12 months for streaks. I discussed it with Tony and we agreed it would be okay for her to get a couple of streaks put in.

After arriving at the hairdresser I discussed the issue of funds as I wasn't prepared to spend a huge amount of money on getting my hair done. I was also paying for 2 of us and the streaks Sophia wanted. Ended up getting a fabulous deal and Don did the most amazing job with my hair giving me blonde highlights in my very dark hair on top, leaving the bottom the original colour I dyed it the night before. Sophia's streaks were in reverse, they were all underneath allowing for regrowth which made her hair look totally sophisticated and grown up.

I then flew home to find I had 10 minutes to get ready and I managed to get everything done (hair, makeup and clothes) in time but forgot two items in the process because I was flustered (more on that later). Sharon arrived to pick me up and we headed off to the city. I knew I was in for an interesting night when Sharon and I were getting on the tram at the casino to have some guy say that two of the seats were really hard to sit on (which bewildered us to say the least).

We arrived at the restaurant to find Derry, Joanne, Jo, Karyn, Tanya and Tina waiting for us outside. We greeted one another and went in to have dinner. I was a very good girl and stuck to the rule of one cup of steamed rice only along with a serve of cold rolls and beef with Thai black bean sauce. The food was delicious but the icebreaking conversation was good too!

After dinner we were met up with Dee who had been to a Fringe show who then came along with the rest of the group. We decided to stop at Cibo for a coffee which we enjoyed as I realised whilst eating dinner that I had forgotten to take a cardigan of some description and was freezing!!! I braved the cold because it made me happy to know that I could finally feel the temperature the way it should be felt! Once we left Cibo the group split up into two apart from Tanya and Karyn who left from Cibo's to go home. Those of us wanting to see the hotel where Joanne and Jo were staying went in one direction whilst Dee, Derry, Sharon and I took the tram back to the casino.

At the casino we waited for the others arrive and almost lost each other! I was nervous though as I had chosen to walk through the dance floor to go to the toilet and wasn't sure how other people would react towards me trying to get past. It was a nerve wracking experience but I managed to get through and got to the toilet with no trouble. I was shaking however which just showed how much I still thought of myself as overweight. It is definitely something that needs working on!

Once everyone arrived (except Tina as she needed to catch a train), we decided what to do next and unfortunately everyone started leaving! Sharon decided to go home at 11:30pm and took Dee and Derry home. That left Jo, Joanne and myself to have fun as I did not feel like I was turning into a pumpkin and I had only danced to one song.

Jo, Joanne and I hit the dance floor after acquiring Smirnoff Ice Black bottles to drink from and started to show off our dance moves. We were having a lot of fun drinking and dancing but we were finding a number of guys were creeping us out. The majority of these guys hailed from one particular ethnicity which we all knew was a recipe for disaster when discussing it together. We decided we did not want to be assaulted in any way and fought very hard to protect ourselves from them. We did have a few laughs regarding the old man who wore an outfit that reminded us of a horse racing jockey to whom we asked where he had left his horse!

The other laugh of the night was the white haired old man who tried to get jiggy on the dance floor with any lady who would pay him attention. We wanted nothing to do with them either and formed a tight circle of our own, saving each other from getting swarmed on. We saw a friend of Joanne's and also a mum of a child who plays soccer with Sophia in our travels and she joined us on the dance floor with her friend to really get into the spirit and the laughs became frequent as we watched each male try to make a pass at one of us. My funniest moment was at around 1am when a man decided he would target me and flexed his muscles. Seeing as I was taller than him by a good foot I decided I would show him who was boss and flexed my own bicep, to which I changed into an upper cut punch and then proudly held up the wedding rings around my neck. It was priceless and very funny but the laughs didn't stop there.

I must say that Jo is hilarious when drunk as a skunk and Joanne is funny too. The larger than life personalities of all 3 of us coupled with alcohol made for some very funny moments (such as Jo falling over onto my bag!), particularly at the water cooler in the Junction cafe when we tried to get water. I don't think Joanne quite knew that she had overfilled the glass and hence why it kept spilling as she remarked on how badly made it was!!

At 3am however we started to wind down a little, we hit the dance floor for the last time and I really let loose. Unfortunately I ended up with two guys, both 6 foot 6, trying to keep up with me on the dance floor and making utter fools of themselves as I exercised enough to keep my points tally going.

After departing town with hugs and a kiss in tow via a taxi I managed to get home in one piece (no thanks to the bad taxi driver) only to find I had forgotten to take a key and Tony in bed snoring!! I tried phoning both his mobile and the house phone, yelling at the upstairs window and knocking on the door. At 4:15am Nicola answered the door rather bleary eyed and tired of which I was grateful due to being very cold, soaked with sweat around the area where I wore my belt and walking around with blistered feet from my new shoes. I went in quietly and got organised for bed before turning out the light.

It was the best night with a lot of good memories and I look forward to the next one!!

Having woken up 4 hours later for church, I can honestly say that at 1:41am on Monday morning I am honestly tired but getting rid of visitors is harder than it seems when you don't want to be rude.

Hopefully I have broken the 700g monkey on my back this week, fingers crossed for that and also the job interview I have on Wednesday!!

Until next time,

Upset.....

2009-03-06T11:04:00.002+10:30

I wasn't going to blog this week's result because I was really upset about it but I decided I should so that I could own it and get even with it.

This week I put on 500g which doesn't seem much in the grand scheme of things but I expected to lose weight, not put it on. So putting on weight means I am further away from goal than before and I don't want that to happen. I have now got 700g to go until I hit goal. As I sat in the meeting on Wednesday night feeling very angry with myself, I started to think why I put weight on. The only thing I could come up with was that I had not exercised enough.

So I've decided that by getting mad I am also getting even. Yesterday I went to the gym and walked for an hour on the treadmill. I then did 30 minutes of weights and another hour on the treadmill. The walking I did alone added up to 11.2 Km walked. I felt really good afterwards and even managed my points really well. I am determined to get to goal this week, even if it hurts just a little bit.

To make myself feel better about everything I am going out on Saturday night with the girls from Weight Watchers who all have 30 or more kilos to lose. I have already chosen what I am having for dinner and will just work off what I eat on the dance floor later on. It is going to be nice partying with people who understand where I've been but it is also going to be nice letting my hair down knowing that I am a lot skinnier than I was 4 months ago when I went out with Tony.

I am determined to get there and will make a huge effort this week to attempt to crack the goal line. There is no failure with my weight loss, only challenges which make you stronger and keep you motivated.

Until next time,

Nervous.......

2009-03-03T16:56:00.002+10:30

It is the night before weigh in and I'm seriously nervous. I know it is only 200g but the thought of failure just kills me. Up until now I have been happy plodding along at my own pace but it is starting to become reality now. I wish no one had said anything to me, I would have been better off not knowing until I had done it. I've tried so hard not to sabotage it by eating the wrong things, I've exercised a good amount this week and I can feel myself getting stronger just by how little I am feeling the weights I am pushing on the machines and even just lifting myself using the ab bench is a lot easier than before. I know in my heart that I have done well, even just to get this far but it is still a frightening prospect that I will not have lost any weight. Particularly when I weighed in on Saturday only to find that even though it was a morning weigh in purely for my leader's sake, I was 100g heavier and I started panicking. I just hope that it has all evened out and tomorrow night I will get on the scales to find I have lost the 200g and all the stress was for nothing. It is hard though when you get close because you start to think "what if I slide backwards?". You've been overweight for so long that the prospect of being healthy and maintaining your weight is not achievable or seems to hard to get a handle on. I hope that I manage to get there.

Until tomorrow,

Stop now.......

2009-02-28T23:09:00.003+10:30

before you get too skinny. This is the comment I am getting now even though I am not at my goal yet. I went to my parents' house tonight for my stepdad's birthday. All the family and friends were there and we were having a great time. When one family member commented on the fact that I had lost a dramatic amount of weight, at which point I turned around for her to see all sides of me, everyone started to agree with one another that I didn't need to lose any more weight, that I was just fine the way I was and even my sister who is getting married next year told me that if I lost any more weight I would ruin her wedding photos. Since when will I do that if I achieve my goal??? Just because I am losing weight doesn't mean that people have the right to dictate to me when I should stop. This is a personal journey of mine and I will be happy when I reach my goal. I'm not silly, I will not end up with an eating disorder (who would want to either starve themselves or throw up???) and I certainly will tone all of my muscles so that I am fit and healthy. I have spent years listening to others criticise my weight whether I have been too fat or too skinny but no more.

I spent the evening drinking my cordial as I had had dinner prior to going to the event and was happy that I only ate 2 strawberries, 6 grapes, a small banana and a couple of water crackers with the tiniest amount of dip on them. I passed on everything else and I was proud to have done so, even if it meant being rude about not eating birthday cake. Although everything was nicely presented, I didn't want any of it. It just reminded me of where I had been.

It is nice to have broken the cycle.

Until next time,

Measures of Importance........

2009-02-27T20:55:00.010+10:30

When you start at Weight Watchers you are usually told to take your measurements initially and put them into your book so you can see how your body is changing as you lose weight. I have been doing this religiously once a month and have kept a really nice record of how I've been doing. It is always nice to look back and see how far you've come but especially when you take another reading only to find the results so overwhelming that you cry.

That is what happened to me tonight. I decided that I would take my measurements the second time this month just to compare how my exercise has impacted on my body changing. Boy was I floored with the results, especially when Tony lovingly said that I should lift my nightie so that he could show me just how far I had come. He picked a very uplifting and massively changed part of my body, my waist. He then looked at the measurements in my book and told me to hold the beginning of the tape measure. He found my starting measurement for my waist on the tape measure and met it up with the beginning I was holding. He then held the slack up for me to see just how far I had come and what was missing. I cried as the realisation dawned on me that I had lost so much body fat, it was an incredible amount.

Just to show you how far I've come, I will now list the amount of cms lost from every part of my body to give you an idea of how many parts of my body are now so different from before.

Body Part	Start Measure (17th May 08)	End Measure (26th Feb 09)	Difference
Neck	37cm	34.5cm	2.5cm
Upper Arm	34cm	30cm	4cm
Chest	106cm	92cm	14cm
Waist	91cm	79cm	12cm
Abdomen	99.5cm	92cm	7.5cm
Hips	119cm	104.5cm	14.5cm
Upper Leg	70cm	59.5cm	10.5cm
Calf	46cm	41.5cm	4.5cm
Grand Total Lost			69.5cm

I still have a little way to go until I get to the point where my transformation will be complete but to know that I have lost that many cms off my body makes me proud of myself but upset at the same time. What runs through my head is why did it get that bad?? Why did I need to hide behind a 69.5cm suit of armor??

For those of you who haven't taken measurements, I really suggest you do so. It is so liberating when you get so far into your journey and you can see just how much progress you have made in that space of time. I will never look back and say that I want to be like my former self again. The new me is here to stay forever!

Until next time,

Almost!!!!

2009-02-25T22:43:00.003+10:30

Tonight I was anxious about weigh in. Normally I would be as cool as a cucumber but being only 1.1 Kg away from the Weight Watchers goal (not my personal goal) you start to get nervous about whether you have done it or not. Seeing as tonight was the last night my leader would be doing the meetings it would have been nice to get to goal seeing as she has been there the whole way through my journey with Weight Watchers. Alas it was not meant to be. I hopped on the scales and found myself just short of the target. I was 200g away from victory. It was good because it meant that next week I would smash it but at the same time I would have liked to have had her last meeting as a really good memory. Unfortunately I didn't get what I want but that is okay, it just means I will be very excited next week.

In a way it is probably a good thing I didn't get there just yet because it means that I will be starting March as a whole different person, a skinnier one!! If I look back at how I felt when I first started, the transformation is amazing!!!! Not only am I thinner but I have transformed inside as a person from a caterpillar to a butterfly and I now know after lots of soul searching and spiritual help that I am at peace with myself, both physically and mentally. I am more outgoing, have loads of friends, enjoy life more and am definitely more active. I didn't think I would be this happy after achieving such a milestone even though I have a more personal weight loss goal in mind.

That said, I don't think that there are many people out there who can say that they are truly happy with their existence. They find themselves changing jobs, eating their feelings using chocolate or fast food, feeling depressed and generally not at peace with themselves or their surroundings. To those people out there I say change your life. If you are overweight, depressed, have low self esteem and other health problems I recommend you give Weight Watchers a go, you never know, you might just discover the true you underneath all the weight, low self esteem and depressed feelings.

Until next time,

Family......

2009-02-24T20:57:00.002+10:30

Since when does family dictate how much weight you should gain or put on??? Since the dawn of the ages. Especially for European girls like me who get fed some of the most greasiest, richest and fatty foods. Today I looked at what I ate and although I didn't eat the best like usual (instead of lunch I had a muffin and a skinny hot chocolate), I didn't just automatically think that I could eat lunch and then have a high calorie dinner. In the old days I wouldn't have cared about that muffin or hot chocolate (which would have been full of fat and a lot larger serving) and would have had whatever took my fancy for lunch and dinner on the nights where I am rushed. However life has taken a back seat a little and while my family might still cook foods coated in oil and have rich and highly fatty foods, I no longer have the appetite for them. I walk past my "old favourites" without batting an eyelid. This coming from someone who was born 8 pounds 2 1/2 ounces and grew to be 6 foot tall. Just because our genetics and mother's good old fashioned home cooking are around as we grow up, doesn't mean that as adults we need to continue our behaviour. As adults we have the power to change the way we do things, put a stop to the attitudes passed down from generation to generation about feeding your children until they burst. No longer do I desire a second helping of spaghetti like I did as a child, no longer do I literally scoff my food to the point of not chewing anything and certainly do I not cook any of the dishes my mother makes. This is simply a mantra to myself "I do not want to be like her when I reach her age" and although menopause might give me a little bit of a run for my money, I am going to hedge my bets that I can sustain the lifestyle I have now adopted as "the right way" to live.

Although I didn't do any work in the gym today, I did however go for a walk whilst my daughter was doing her soccer training. It was a short walk but exercise nonetheless. How hard is it really to change your habits??? Not that hard, it just takes discipline and willpower. I've got it, have you??

Until next time,

On Yer Bike.......

2009-02-23T20:56:00.002+10:30

or your treadmill LOL!!!!

Ok, so after feeling glum and disgusted with myself last night, I decided today I would get past it and exercise my points off regardless of how I was feeling and how my muscles were doing.

I trudged off to the gym begrudgingly but once I got there I got into the familiar rhythm. I got on the treadmill and started walking feeling every ache as I went but I kept going and the aches went away. After an hour I changed to doing weights using the machines upstairs in the ladies gym and did that for 30 minutes. I then hopped onto the treadmill for another 10 minutes to finish off. Not once did I back down, cry or tell myself that I couldn't do it. I figured that there was no way out of my miserable state of being 4.5 points down on my daily allowance and that it was up to yours truly to fix it.

After having gone I feel so much better. Points are back in the right place and I am proud of my efforts today. I am looking forward to Wednesday now with a much more positive attitude. I have a secret though but everyone will have to wait until it is revealed at a later date. Oh I love keeping you all in suspense!!!!

Until next time,

Stumbling Blocks......

2009-02-22T22:25:00.003+10:30

Yes I have hit a stumbling block and I don't know why. Or maybe I do and I need to admit it. I've been trying to wrap my head around getting to the Weight Watchers goal of 81 Kg and although my body will get there, my mind has hit a wall. I guess because I am on my way down my body is resisting a little and my insecurities are starting to creep in. I want to hide away in big baggy jumpers and trackpants at the moment or just crawl into bed and stay there. I feel like my comfort zone is missing but it hasn't been around for so long so how come I am feeling so bad??? Bad enough that I went 5 points over my daily allowance and I let myself eat my feelings??? Although I have the attitude of "keep on going", I think my mind is resisting a little because I'm so used to being out of the spotlight. As it is, I view my birthday as the most unimportant day of the year. I figure it is okay to make a fuss over everyone else but that I don't matter enough to celebrate another year of being alive and I guess I have reached that point in my weight loss where I figure that it is just another kilo, nothing special. I am slightly over it, and I don't know why.....Tony certainly says that the muscle definition in my legs is starting to show, the definition elsewhere is also showing and I look good, so how come I don't feel good? Does the thought of being at the point where I stop losing seem too scary to even contemplate let alone do??? Maybe it comes down to the sorrow of knowing that I no longer have the goal of simply losing weight but that I now need to maintain it for my wallet's sake but also my sanity? Being Bipolar certainly makes things interesting as those of us who suffer with this dreaded illness go through highs and lows within our life but also go through fixations with zeal unknown to a normal human being. Maybe I don't want that to end and am simply grieving for the experience. I would certainly like to know because simply getting fat isn't an option.

Until next time,

Aches and Pains......

2009-02-21T13:01:00.002+10:30

My body is in denial at the moment, it believes it is a lean, mean, fit fighting machine but it isn't and today just proved it. After a gym session yesterday that left me feeling slightly sore, today's workout proved to be a killer. I decided to try to do the one class I had been avoiding on purpose just because the description of the class put me off, Body Attack. I decided to tackle it the only way how, the old "go hard or go home" technique. I figured if I was going to conquer my fear and the mountain of this class then I would need to put myself through the torture. After 20 minutes I was sweating profusely, had gone a nice shade of beetroot red and felt like my lungs were going to burst but I had a drink and kept going. Then I stopped again only 15 minutes later for another drink break and to catch my breath for another 15 minutes. I kept pushing my brain, the thoughts going through my head were "you can't do this, you're weak, go home" etc. I wouldn't quit and kept going even if it meant rest periods and am some points doing smaller moves than the rest of the class, I was going to succeed and get through the class and conquer it. An hour after the class started, I had finished. I felt exhilirated but tired and feeling the full effects of working muscles in areas I didn't know existed. I went home for a hot bath and was feeling good. However now, I am hobbling around the house like a cripple. My driver muscles just above my knees ache like I've gone and run and a marathon. It just goes to show that when we let our bodies become rundown and complacent and we become couch potatoes, our bodies lose what fitness it does have. Before I started working out at the gym I never exercised and I'm feeling it now. Where before I would have quite easily run for a bus or a train or a tram before I piled on the weight, I couldn't do until now. Being at the gym up to 6 times a week doing various exercises to get my body back into shape with stronger muscles, flexibility and aerobic fitness has changed my measurements, changed how fast I can run and has also changed how much weight I can carry with my bare hands. You can only go as far physically as your mind lets you. If you have a defeatist attitude, then you will not make it through even one training session in a gym because your mind will put blocks in the way to stop you. If you have a positive attitude, you can do anything you put your mind to. I've put my mind into losing weight and becoming fitter before I hit menopause and my body has a mind of its own. Age is no barrier for me and neither are the aches and pains that I get each time I go to the gym and push myself further. No pain, no gain.

Until next time,

Going Down???

2009-02-18T23:53:00.002+10:30

Today was a huge day for me....not only was I running around like a complete idiot to get everything done (there are seriously not enough hours in the day) but I also had weigh in at Weight Watchers. I was very apprehensive about the meeting as Sunday was not a good day food wise but I stuck with it and figured I would wear whatever result I got when I stepped on the scales. Boy was I gobsmacked when the reading said I'd lost another kilogram!! How in the world did I manage to do that after the week I just had??? I thought I was destined to have put weight on. I can honestly say that it is mindblowing, especially when the weigher told me I only had another 1.1 Kg to go to reach the top of the healthy weight range according to the Weight Watchers chart. I had to pick my chin up from the floor, it was making my head spin. Since when was I so close to goal??? I always thought of it as miles away, not something this close. It is now exactly 8.1 Kg away if I get to my personal goal of 74 Kg which still seems very close. I tried on the exact same 3/4 pants in Rockmans today during their end of season sale and was shocked to see myself in a size 12, my body looked amazing in them and I couldn't believe how my bottom didn't look too bad in them. Ultimately I need to do some major butt squeezes to get it into the best shape which is now one of my goals at the gym but I can't get over the transformation, especially when I look at previous photos of myself. I look forward to seeing the end of the journey.

Until next time,

Oh well.......

2009-02-15T20:17:00.003+10:30

Ok, I didn't end up needing to worry so much about the party I went to last night, it turns out that I ended up eating something healthy at home and managed to avoid what nibblies were on the table. I didn't do too badly because I also took my own food. Like a good girl scout, I was prepared for the situation and even took my own cordial to drink and avoided alcohol.

Today was the church luncheon and although they have to feed many people, they did not have any healthier choices which was disappointing. I viewed the food as evil and made the choice to have a hotdog. I felt sick afterwards though because I can't handle white bread anymore now that I have been eating wholemeal breads for so long. I also felt guilty for eating a twirl whilst I was there, I didn't realise I had blown my points until after I got home and put in the foods I had eaten. I am now 5 points over which means slogging it out in the gym for 2 1/2 hours to counteract the damage I have done this week. I am okay with that though because I am accountable to myself for what I do. Only I can control what I put in my mouth and only I can control the amount of exercise I do. I am looking forward to weigh in to see if my blowout has a nasty effect on my weight. If I do put on, I am only accountable to myself for having slipped up but I will just promise to do better next time.

Until next time,

D-Day......

2009-02-14T15:00:00.003+10:30

Well it is D-Day for my challenge and I am apprehensive but will be fine I think based on the information I am being given. According to my mother in law there are a few people going who only eat healthy foods so I am a happy camper that there will be food there that I can eat no problems. DH is planning on making a burger before we leave but I'm in two minds about it. On the one hand a burger sounds nice but if I eat one before I go, then I will not have had enough vegetables for the day and if I don't eat then I am taking a risk that there will be food available when we get there as DH seems to think that all the food will be gone by the time we get there as the time states the party starts at 5:47pm and finishes at 11:37pm. I am thinking I shall have a small snack before I go just so I can say I've eaten something in case the food is gone but also take a couple of snacks with me just in case the food has gone before we arrive.

On another topic, I've managed to get to the stage where I am on the downward path after having lost 600g on Wednesday at weigh in. I can now see a brighter future as a slimmer person. I can walk on the treadmill and not be as sweaty as I was when I first started, I can go 90 minutes on the treadmill without stopping and do 30 minutes with weight machines and not feel like I have done too much. I am succeeding slowly and that success will continue until I am beautifully thin at which point I can say that I look radiant and elegant.

My mantra words from The Living End this week are helping me along my journey. Their song "To The End" is very appropriate now that I am on the downhill track. The words particularly moving for me are:

Countdown toward the end now
No need to panic, no need to panic now

I've come this far I'm never turning back

'Til the end, 'til the end
I'm never gonna give up- 'til the end, 'til the end
I'm not gonna stop til I've tried, not until I'm satisfied
Until I get what I want, 'til I get what I want
Until I get what I need, til I get what I need, til I get what I want!

Now you're back against the wall
And you've made your final call
Do you have any last requests at all?
When the chips are down
And life as you know it is upside down
Pick yourself back up and turn it around

We all feel like we are never going to get to the end of our journeys. We are always struggling with either motivation, food cravings, unhealthy options available, willpower and the thought that our journey is so long, we can't possibly attain such a mammoth goal. However this is not the case and there are so many people out there trying to keep going who have worked out strategies of coping so they can keep going. My strategies have ranged from drinking more fluids, exercising more to leave more points available for special nights, looking at my old photos of when I was obese and realising how far I have come, even just the slight changes such as a looser waistband on my skirts/shorts/pants etc, treating myself to things I wanted as momentum to keep going like a magazine, diet foods, new clothes, a fit ball, dyeing my hair etc. These are all things that can be used to help you along your journey and it has certainly helped mine. I even count how many centimetres I have lost off my body and I've charted it to show myself how my body has changed. I was told about a site called virtual model which can show what you will look like when you get to your goal. I've yet to look because I am scared of what I will see but I know I am almost there so maybe trying it will not be so bad. I hope for those of you who can't see an end to your journey just yet to try the site out too so that it can give you that hope to keep going. Now time to get ready for my challenge. We have also been invited to utilise the pool tonight so I will be getting my cossie on just in case I feel it necessary to have a dip in the pool.

Until next time,

Proof in the Pudding.....

2009-02-11T22:48:00.004+10:30

Okay, I decided to conduct an experiment last week as my challenge to see if eating all my points and exercising when I had a deficit would still see me losing weight. On Saturday night before going out I had 11.5 points spare to use but went over that by a whole 3.5 points. I was so naughty! On Sunday night I went over by 2 points and Monday night went over by 2 points again. I went to the gym on Tuesday determined to change everything. I exercised for 2 1/2 hours using the treadmill, machines and free weights aswell as the fitball. I ended up eating what points I had left and waited for weigh in day which was today. I hopped on the scales with baited breath hoping for a loss. What a shock to find I had lost 600g this week. This takes my WW loss to 22.3 Kg and total loss to 37.3 Kg.

It goes to show that when on the Weight Watchers plan you need to eat as many points as possible in order to lose weight. If you don't your body rebels and you end up possibly on a plateau like I was last week. It can be heartbreaking and frustrating all at once.

I also did something else tonight of which I am very proud and feel very at peace with. I went to my church for some introduction to Christianity lessons of which I have had a leaning towards for a while. I promise not to bible bash anyone reading this blog, my own beliefs are just that, my own. I said a prayer tonight welcoming God into my life and felt very serene, peaceful and relaxed afterwards. I felt proud in taking such a big step. I am looking forward to continuing my journey but the one with WW is going to be as momentous as this. I now have only 9.1 Kg to go until I hit goal and what an occasion that will be. In the meantime I shall eat all of my points, exercise and continue to lose weight.

This week's challenge will be to see if I can stay away from the nibblies and alcohol at the party I am going to on Saturday night, should be a fantastic effort if I do.

Until next time,

Oh man, I can't do it!!!!

2009-02-09T22:05:00.006+10:30

How do I eat all of my points without going over???!!!!! I don't think I can do this!!!!!!

Wait, get a grip, get hold of myself!

I can do this, it is called balance! Although I may have gone over my points in the last 3 days I can get it back. How? EXERCISE!!!!!!! Tomorrow I am off to the gym to do a 2 1/2 hour workout to really get my body going and to counteract the damage I've done. It will not be difficult either, as long as I get a good night's sleep and drink enough fluids before, during and after. My biggest problem yesterday and today was not drinking enough. When I drink 2.5L of fluid per day I don't need the extra snacks that I've been having. It is why I have gone over and why I need to work it off. I can do it before weigh in and make sure that when I get on the scales on Wednesday night I will lose weight, even if I only lose 100g. I am determined not to let it ruin my entire week, I am determined not to have another few days like this weekend just gone, I have the power, not the food!!!!!!

I must say, having DH away for work hasn't helped because I've not had a babysitter to help me out when I've wanted to go to the gym in the evening, DH has been a rock for me when I have made the decision to go and he has looked after the kids and put them to bed for me. I couldn't do that from Friday night on because being away means my support network shrinks considerably. However this week coming is a new week and I can work harder to get the results I want. I have also been told that the last 5 kilos are the hardest to shift, I would have to say that the last 10 are mammoth for me but I am determined to get there, even if I go over getting there when I set the goalpost for doing so.

Let's hope that I have a positive result on Wednesday.

Until then,

So I Plateaued......

2009-02-04T23:34:00.007+10:30

Today I went to weigh in at my meeting and did the usual thing and hopped on the scales. Unfortunately I hit my worst enemy....the plateau. I wouldn't have minded maybe so much if I was back in the earlier part of my journey but being so close to goal I have found it frustrating that I hit one tonight. I got off the scales feeling deflated and depressed.

How could I have hit a plateau when I had done some hard exercise last week and didn't eat my points every day??

Easy.....When you don't eat your daily allowance of points your body goes into starvation mode, a misgnomer from the dark ages is that you should only eat 3 meals per day and no snacks. However this is incorrect and you should eat several meals throughout the day to keep your body from having to go into starvation mode. I did not do this during the week so my body held onto what it could in order to keep going so I stayed the same weight.

I got really upset, dejected and deflated and almost felt like going home and eating a really fatty meal just to make myself feel better but that is the old me, the one who would eat her feelings. Instead I went with fellow members to the local McDonald's and whilst they ordered coffee I sat there with my bottle of low joule cordial and talked about how I was feeling. Even when I caved and was thinking of getting a small hamburger to treat myself, I asked the girl serving for the brochure on the saturated fat and kilojoules within their food. She couldn't provide me with one so I said politely that I wasn't going to order anything and I sat back down. I was proud of myself for having the strength to walk away at such a difficult moment in my journey.

I ended up coming home and eating the healthy pasta casserole I cooked earlier and just treated myself to a small handful of mozzarella cheese as there was no parmesan available for me to sprinkle on. I figured that was a better option than eating saturated fat.

My leader suggested I go home and measure myself as she said that the scales alone would not tell me if I had improved in my physique, so dejectedly I grabbed the tape measure and my old blue book that had my measurements in and I started measuring and recording. I was completely blown away by the fact that I had not only lost half a centimetre off of my upper leg (a major area of dislike for me) but that I had also lost a centimetre off my hips. The biggest surprise was that I had lost a whole 2 1/2 centimetres off of my waist, no wonder my pants have been falling down!!!!

I feel much better about my plateau as it has taught me that even when the road seems still a little far away, I am making progress in other areas such as my physique, my health and wellbeing and my sanity.

Tomorrow is a new day with a fierce determination to work harder and work smarter and I've made sure that I've started the week eating my points. I have certainly done that today and will continue to do so during the rest of this week.

Until next time,

How do I do it???

2009-02-04T10:51:00.003+10:30

Whenever someone doesn't see you for a while and you've done something like change your hairstyle or hair colour, buy a new outfit or lose weight, they generally exclaim "what a transformation" and are happy for you and help you celebrate your achievement. However, in my case I have had a lot of negative responses from family and friends that I have lost enough weight and therefore do not need to lose any more weight.

When I first started my journey at my heaviest, it wasn't to lose weight initially, it was to find out what foods were making me feel so sick. I was eating indigestion tablets like they were going out of fashion, I never left the house without quik-eze in my bag and I dreaded eating anything I hadn't prepared myself in case I had a reaction. So I was pretty much in denial that it was for weight loss reasons, it was to try and get well. I felt dejected that I couldn't eat spaghetti like I used to or anything else that had tomato, onion, garlic or capsicum in it. The vegetables and rice I was eating became a staple food because they were bland and boring and "safe". I was more depressed than ever at that time.

Then I put weight back on over Christmas and New Year and then the months following that and just felt awful about myself. It was only after having a coffee with a friend of mine who was already on Weight Watchers that I discussed my dilemma with her. She explained the program to me and told me to come along and just listen to what they had to say. I was apprehensive, I wasn't sure it was something that I was wanting to do and I didn't know if I would get anything out of it.

Normally I am a compulsive joiner of anything. I have had gym memberships in the past that I didn't use, joined classes and dropped out, started uni and didn't finish etc. and I figured this would be one more thing I would start and not finish. After I started the program I basically ate food within reason of the points I was allowed and went from there. I didn't exercise at all apart from the normal walking I would do to and from the bus stop and from the train to work. I felt proud of losing the first 5 kilos but embarassed at the same time. How could I have carried that weight around for so long and not realised what it was doing to me???

The next milestone of 10% was also the 10 Kg mark. Again I felt proud of myself but still felt awkward. I was made to get up in front of people and tell them how it was that I was managing to do it. It still didn't sink in that I was getting anything out of going. It was only once I got to 15 Kg that I felt good about it but then I had a panic attack about my upcoming cruise, how would I sustain my weight loss whilst on a boat that had food coming out of every porthole??? I relaxed, took the eating in my stride and refused to use the elevators the entire trip unless I was wearing my dressy high heels because a couple of times I nearly fell over on them as the ship moved. I thought long and hard on that trip, could I really make it??? Could I really lose all the weight and find myself again??? I wasn't sure but damn it I was going to try and I wasn't going to beat myself up over it.

As the weeks have gone by, I no longer count on whether I will lose weight, I simply look at the results afterwards and work out the next plan of attack. If I put on, the challenge is there to get it off, if I lose then the challenge is to see if I can beat the loss I posted for that week. I challenge my exercise regime, my eating, anything I can to motivate myself so that I will get there and by george I will because with 9.7 Kg to go, there isn't anything in my way. I'm not due for a heart attack or a diagnosis of diabetes anytime soon and I'm sure as hell not restricted in the movement department. I have my legs, I have my arms, I have my strength and I have my determination, I will succeed!!!!!!!

To all my naysayers out there, take note, when I finish my journey of losing weight, it only means that the next journey is beginning, that one which sees me getting on rides with my children within theme parks and fitting into the seats unlike the year I went to the Royal Adelaide Show and couldn't fit into the chair swing, sees me conquer my fear of heights (funny yes seeing as I am 6 foot tall) and climbing a ladder to clean my upstairs windows properly and one which sees me live life to the fullest with my husband by my side.

Until I post my weigh in results,

Comfort Eating and the Shame It Brings......

2009-02-02T19:46:00.003+10:30

After watching yet another installment of The Biggest Loser I was shocked to see that not one contestant had a weight that was less than 100 Kgs. I was in tears when certain contestants revealed certain things they had gone through or missed out on because of their weight and I thought back to when I was 105.4 Kg and reminisce as to why I let myself get that heavy.

For me, although my tablets made me hungry, I was very depressed a lot of the time about myself. I didn't have a positive view point about my talents or my parenting skills or anything else. I felt like a failure towards my family. After having gone through losing two babies after my daughter was born, my marriage falling apart and my life generally going nowhere, I became severely depressed. Even with a wonderful new husband and two extra children, I still felt like I wasn't good enough. I certainly didn't feel attractive and felt that my husband deserved better. I began to comfort eat a lot of the time simply because the food was there. I had no social contacts which lowered my self esteem as I'd not been able to sustain any friendships of any kind through my working life or through my married life. My first marriage left me in tatters as I'd not been allowed to have my own friends, I wasn't allowed to talk to people, I was isolated to be controlled. When you have been in that situation, you find yourself eating as a means of artillery to be able to fend people off. I was able to keep everyone at arms length so long as I continued to eat. However, my body had other ideas and a divine intervention was had the night I got sick. That was my saving point, my "lightbulb" moment if you like where I could no longer look at myself because I was disgusted with how I looked. As I look back at the photos of me at my heaviest, I can only imagine how I must have seemed to everyone else. It is a shock to see yourself that big. I remember feeling uncomfortable in dresses because I was overweight, hiding in jeans was the only way I felt comfortable and even photos of me in jeans was horrendous.

I wonder how many people out there are yet to have their own "lightbulb" moment and how many already have. I certainly would love to know those figures rather than just the measurements of my body of which I am yet to do this month.

Until next time,

Moods and exercise

2009-02-01T22:18:00.003+10:30

Having strained muscles at the gym on Thursday I took it easy for a few days to let them recuperate. It is now Sunday and I can say that although I couldn't do another fitball class any time soon I think I can go back to the gym tomorrow and do some exercise.

I cleaned my house today and made it look beautiful and felt all the more better for it however over the past few days I have noticed that when I don't exercise my moods go haywire. I have felt flat, to content to upset and am now realising that my moods are directly affected by how much I exercise as my body has grown accustomed to having adrenaline pumped through it on a daily basis.

Although I never had this issue with my Bipolar Disorder before because I was sedentary, it is now becoming a major focal point. I find that when I am at the gym walking on the treadmill or pumping weights I feel good about myself because I am doing something for me yet when I don't go to the gym I feel like something is missing out of my day and I get fragile. Exercise has become a key to staying stable and having a sunny disposition for me and it is now important that I do some sort of physical activity each day.

On another note, tonight I watched the first episode of The Biggest Loser series even though I realise that their methods are made for entertainment purposes and nothing more. It was interesting to see the empowerment the contestants had when they confronted their demons that were attached to their favourite foods. I have no doubt in my mind that everyone comes face to face with this issue every time they try to lose weight. It was certainly the case for me when confronted with a dominoes pizza. I looked at it long enough to realise that it only represented heart disease and misery for me and so I passed. I can safely drive by now and not even give the store a second glance and the same can be said for other establishments I used to frequent. The biggest disappointment I had with watching the show and the subsequent commercials was the amount of quick fix items being promoted to lose weight. They ranged from shakes, soups and "health" bars to tablets and even a ready made meal delivery service. I was appalled as having now been on Weight Watchers for as many weeks as I have, I understand now that it is a process that requires not only exercise but the right everyday diet that many of us do not have. I know that these contestants will go back into the real world and will find themselves not able to cope with real life situations because they haven't learnt about themselves enough to understand why they overeat and so will put the weight back on again. It is a viscious cycle and one that the "diet" companies have made millions of dollars on. Good thing Weight Watchers is out there to promote the healthier way to eating otherwise we would be getting nowhere.

Until next time,

What muscles??

2009-01-31T23:11:00.003+10:30

On Thursday I decided to go to a fitball class at the gym where I am a member. I asked the instructor to be kind to me and not put me through too much agony, I reckon I could have asked it in a different language and she still would have ignored me. I was put through an hour of the most interesting and difficult exercises I had ever undertaken and couldn't believe how much my body creaked and groaned. I swore I had the body of a 90 year old within that class. I managed to get through it all with a few extra rest stops than everyone else and I am sure I left a bucket of sweat behind but I did it.

However, in the process of undertaking that class I now have the sorest muscles on the planet and they hurt EVERYWHERE!!!! I have aching groin muscles, very sore abdominal muscles that hurt when I cough, laugh or even move in bed to sleep. I can't sleep on my side as it hurts too much, sleeping on my back is not preferred either but I managed to sleep on my stomach and got a few more winks than the night before.

After I came back from the gym hubby informed me that the air conditioner had broken. I was upset and shocked at the same time. It was an extremely hot day and we were to swelter in the nightly heat with only fans to help move the air around. It turned out we sweltered through the hottest night on record since January of 1982. I could not believe it. I slept on the floor with a couch cushion in the rumpus room with the fan and I was not comfortable having just strained all the muscles in the fitball class, it was an awful night.

Yesterday hubby and I made the executive decision not to send the kids to school, what a mistake that was! They were cranky, tired and hot too and didn't take too kindly to being cooped up. Luckily we were expecting the repairman to arrive at 6pm to fix the air conditioner. He didn't show until 10:20pm but he managed to semi-fix the issue so we would get through at least the next few days with a cooler house. However in the process he informed us we would be $700 poorer as we needed a new motor, I nearly cried. It is the last thing we need to break right now, particularly in the heatwave (it got to 46.7 degrees on Wednesday) and there is no relief until next Friday.

I have not felt like eating but have been drinking water like a fish. My bottle sits beside me as I type and I have now finished my second bottle of fluids. That takes today's total to 2.5L of water.

Today I went food shopping to restock the fridge and bought more of the Skinny Cow icecream sticks I have become addicted to. They feel like you are eating the most naughtiest icecream but have the equivalent food value of eating a medium banana. It is another way of having a serve of calcium in my diet but not one I have all the time.

I am doing small exercises to keep my muscles pliable, they still hurt but are becoming accustomed to doing things such as bending over to hang up washing, walking around long distances or putting dishes away.

Here's hoping tomorrow I will be in better shape to return to the gym and do more exercises. I definitely want a fitball for my birthday and a yoga mat to lie on so that I can do the exercises without lying directly on either my lawn which gives me hives or the carpet which also makes me itchy.

Until tomorrow,

Weigh In Results.....

2009-01-28T20:30:00.003+10:30

Okay, so I have come back from my meeting feeling on top of the world for two reasons. The first reason is because I lost a kilo this week, that's right A KILO!!!!! The second reason is because I am now in single digits as to how much I need to lose. Grand total of all of my weight loss is 36.7 Kg but total lost on Weight Watchers of that is 21.7Kg, not a bad effort considering the time it has taken me. I am now only 9.7 Kg away from my goal. It is the most awesome feeling you can imagine. The end is clearly in sight and I have gained so much from losing the weight using Weight Watchers as my tool. I have made friendships, been given a new lease on life, feel more energetic and am a lot more happier than I used to be.

Since doing Weight Watchers I no longer have the urge to be depressed, every day is a new day and not once has my Bipolar Disorder interfered with my vision. At times I have given in to the odd craving and had such things as a Magnum which is a naughty 8 points!!! At the same time however, I have enjoyed myself along the way. I've set challenges for myself each week so as to spice things up and make it exciting. The challenges have ranged from trying a new dish to varying my exercise routine or even trying something new such as aqua aerobics classes and ice skating. I've never felt the urge to give it up and slide backwards. I figured I'd worked too hard and paid a lot of money to get this far, if I give up now it's all been a waste.

I go to the meetings hearing things I already know about the program, things that I learnt early on in my journey and I smile as I hear the leader recount what we've previously talked about. It has certainly made me realised that the focus and dedication I put into my weight loss has paid me back and I've even convinced a couple of people to come along for the ride and see the results for themselves.

This week's challenge is a good one and hopefully I will make it through the week without faltering. I will not say what the challenge is as I only answer to myself and everyone just gets to see the results :D

Until next time,

Can I do it??? YES I CAN!!!!!!

2009-01-28T12:12:00.002+10:30

Yesterday was a very big day on many fronts for my family. My family changed dynamics a little on the first day back at school and it was wonderful and sad at the same time.

My 15 year old wrote in his personal learning plan that his goal for 2009 was to pass and that his laziness and bad handwriting might get in the way. This is a big moment as I have never seen on paper Ryan's determination to make the year count the way he has for this year and to know what obstacles he may face. The cute kid with the cheeky grin has grown into a very handsome, intelligent wise young man and I have realised I need to treat him with more respect and adult understanding than before.

My 13 year old went to high school for her first day and experienced a different routine with different classes and also with homework. Nicola made many new friends yesterday and enjoyed being at a school where she was no longer ostracised for being slightly different. The shy, happy 4 year old I helped mould has turned out to be a fine young woman with morals and values every young girl should have.

My now 11 year old baby Sophia celebrated two rites of passage. The first being her birthday marking her second to last year of childhood and the second being the only child in the family at primary school. Sophia loved it so much she has put a more concerted effort into her work. Her attempt at being an artist last night using her new easel, canvas and watercolour paint saw her produce a top quality artwork in progress that I would love to frame when finished. Her eye for detail and colour is fascinating.

However, as the kids celebrated their milestones yesterday, I had a milestone of my own today at the gym. Although I haven't weighed in at my Weight Watchers meeting yet because I go at night, going to the gym and being able to do something I could only watch others do made me smile, feel triumphant and want to keep going even though my body was screaming "All right already, you've proved yourself!!!!" I managed to jog for 5 minutes at a steady pace of 8.5Km/hr without feeling out of breath, in pain or tired. It was an exhilirating feeling and one I shall never forget. It marks the beginning of the end of my fears that I had prior to losing weight. I can no longer be afraid that if I jog, all of my jiggly bits will look funny if I jog, that I can chase after my kids in a heartbeat if I need to, that if I needed to run for a bus it wouldn't be a problem.

I feel alive finally....there is nothing I can't do.

Tonight I will weigh in and come back with the results but right now I feel triumphant enough that if I gained weight tonight I would not be upset, it is all part and parcel of stepping down to the next kilogram I challenge my body to lose.

Until later,

Ponderings.....

2009-01-26T12:44:00.005+10:30

Slack of me not to post yesterday but after the day I had had, there was no way I would post at a convenient time seeing as I slept 4 hours last night on the couch.

Yesterday was a great day because Sophia had her birthday party and despite only 3 girls turning up for the event, they all had a good time and everyone was happy. The girls played pass the parcel, musical statues, chopstick smarties and twister. It is nice to know that 11 year olds don't care yet as to whether a particular game is daggy or not and having the older kids out of the house took the pressure off of me to sort them out at the same time. Here is a photo of the four of them:

Sophia has the pink tank top on.

It gets harder as you get older to socialise with your brothers or sisters and even when you are an adult it doesn't make it easier, especially if someone is particularly opinionated.

My food choices yesterday were pretty good considering I ate a slice of pizza of which I swore I wouldn't touch but it is easy to say yes when you are busy and don't have time to make something a little more healthier. I ended up having vegetable stirfry for dinner which compensated for the ugly foods that day. I didn't exercise at the gym yesterday but I figured that today when it gets cooler I will go for a nice walk.

It is funny how your self esteem impacts on whether you will do something or not. Whether you feel comfortable talking about something or even going outside of your comfort zone to try something new. I get that feeling now and then, particularly when meeting new people or even seeing people who I haven't seen for a while. This occurred yesterday when parents came to drop off their kids to the party. One mother I had become really good friends with and she kept gushing about how good I looked which was nice to hear but at the same time I didn't know how to respond. With the other mums, both were super skinny and I wasn't sure how I'd come across to them, hopefully I seemed open and friendly. My aim for my children this year is to be open enough so that they are able to bring their friends home and for them to be able to go to their friends' houses. I feel that they need to socialise more away from their siblings as they enter the challenging years of their lives. I feel that by them going out of their comfort zones and spending time with other people, they can then blossom more and not get annoyed with each other so much because they are not in each other's pockets all the time. I guess it is one of the reasons why I love it when they go back to school. Their social networks begin to flourish again.

As children it is easier to form friends than as an adult. As an adult you feel like people will judge you on your appearance, how you keep your house, how you raise your children etc. and it can be very difficult to approach people and ask them over for coffee. I plan on networking a little more for the sake of my children with the other parents but I don't feel comfortable doing so and this is the area to which I will be going outside of my comfort zone.

For other people it can even be something as simple as asking for a coffee date, going to the movies or anything else that requires a social setting. As people become overweight, they have an area of their life to hide behind and therefore can hide their insecurities within their weight problem. This is dangerous as you can lose yourself altogether and then, once you start to lose weight or lose other things such as your inhibitions by becoming more social, you start to wonder who you really are. You look towards your past and wonder if you would have said the same things or done the same things if you were as thin. I have questioned myself many times and have found that I would have done many things differently which I can't change now, so I look towards the future and what I can accomplish on my own now that I have lost 35 Kg.

Losing weight changes everything.

Until next time,

Things are not what they always seem.....

2009-01-24T00:20:00.005+10:30

For someone who is trying to lose weight the vision of something unhealthy that was once appealing now conjures up images of what vile disease it contributes to. Whenever I see something that once used to pleasure my gastronomical senses, I can no longer view it with the same pleasure I once did. This happened today within my local supermarket as I had to do my weekly food shopping. All the cakes within the bakery, all the full fat ice cream and all the lollies in the confectionery aisle made me think of diabetes and I couldn't get the thought out of my head. I also visualised what the products were made out of and some of them made my stomach churn. I then saw meat pies and other fatty pastries, pre-made dinners, noodle cups and tinned frankfurts and thought not only about the tablespoons and tablespoons of salt that is put into each item but also the saturated fat and how both contribute to heart disease. Those two illnesses alone I fear and so eat better to give my body the best chance in life by eating better food.

For some people, that choice is not on their conscience and I wish it was. Seeing people who desperately need to lose weight in order to save their lives carry on as normal is tragic. As I've travelled on my journey, I have come to realise that I was one of those people all those years ago and it is a very scary thought. With only 10.7 Kg to go, I definitely do not want to go backwards and end up where I was previously.

After having lost 300g this week I have come to the conclusion that in order to go forwards, I must remember where I came from so I shall look at photos of myself for the next week to remind myself what I no longer look like. However, in doing so I must also remind myself that I am no longer obese and no longer weigh over 100 Kg. This task is not easy as I still see myself as needing improvement. Although I have tried on an outfit that I have not worn in 8 years and it fitted, I still felt like I was too big for it, I felt like it didn't belong on me or that I shouldn't be fitting into it just yet, I'm not supposed to yet. I'm supposed to still be overweight, still unhappy and still fitting into size 16 clothes. I'm not supposed to fit into a size 12 business skirt and a size 10 business jacket just yet........or am I?? Maybe the whole point of this was to find out who I really was as a person whilst shedding each kilogram. Or maybe in my tiredness, I have realised that the end is so near that I need to keep my focus, and possibly go to sleep!!!!

Off to the gym later to keep the momentum going.

Until next time,

Water Water Everywhere......

2009-01-21T21:05:00.003+10:30

When you are carrying fluid and need to weigh in at your meeting, it can be an uneasy experience, especially if you are unsure as to whether you have lost weight or gained weight. Today I had the unfortunate experience of having to weigh in at my meeting with fluid retention and got on the scales very afraid of the result. It turns out that I needn't have worried so much about it as I lost another 300g. My total weight loss with Weight Watchers now stands at 20.7 Kg lost. It is funny to think that something you may or may not have done could make you fearful of facing up to the truth in the end.

Today I also experienced the exhilarating feeling of being lighter and enjoying a trip to the ice skating rink. I skated for 2 1/2 hours in total, mostly at one time, and felt so alive. It was fun being able to balance on a thin blade whilst feeling uplifted, positive and invigorated. My self esteem was lifted to the roof as I was able to join my girls on the ice and skate with them unlike the 10 obese people I saw sitting on the benches surrounding the rink just watching. I wanted to ask them why they were not on the ice. After going through my own thoughts of when I was heavier, I have realised that our brains have a lot to answer for. Our moods, thought patterns and lack of physical activity leaves our body in such disrepair that we are unable to "save" ourselves from a life of junkfood, bad moods, negative thoughts and couch potato syndrome. If we all just did some physical activity, our lives would be so much more enriched. I can honestly say that having been down the road to wellbeing, my life has been greatly enriched by a good diet, exercise and positive thoughts. I no longer wallow in self pity or hide myself in oversized clothing to create optical illusions that I am thinner and I certainly get off my chair and couch more. I can't remember the last time I sat down and watched a television program. I am now more likely to be out exercising and enjoying being able to move rather than sitting on the couch being lazy. How times have changed! I encourage each and every person who reads this to get moving this week, even if it is only for 30 minutes, just so you can experience that invigorating feeling of adrenaline running through your body, you will not be sorry you did it.

Peace out,

Victory Is Mine!!! (a minor win today)

2009-01-20T23:44:00.003+10:30

Today was Nicola's 13th birthday and it went really well. Not only did she get some nice gifts from us (New DS Lite, art diary, mobile phone sock, electronic rubiks cube, soft cushion), she got other nice gifts (quilt cover, mobile phone, $90, ceramic statue) aswell. I was a very good girl and didn't have one piece of the chocolate cake I decorated. I was so proud of myself, I had the willpower to stay away from it. I looked at it and decided that the diabetes that it represented was not worth it.
Instead I grabbed my nestle diet chocolate dessert out of the fridge and ate that instead, victory was mine (to quote Stewie Griffin)! I was especially proud of myself for avoiding the cake and gave everyone a piece instead. Although I had to decorate the cake, I didn't eat the cream, the choc buds, the chocolate frosting or anything else to do with the cake.

Here's hoping the scales are kind to me tomorrow night.

Until next time,

The PMT Monster and other things.......

2009-01-19T19:30:00.004+10:30

Ok, so it is PMT time and as usual, I didn't cope with it very well. Am very tired, hot, bothered, grumpy and irrational, typical female lol. The upside of it all though is knowing that my 3/4 pants which I bought just after Christmas are too big. That's right, they fall down a little and have a saggy look in the legs where my bottom no longer sticks out as it did when I first bought them. My husband thinks jokingly that I shall send us broke if I need a new wardrobe all the time but he is reaping the rewards of it, he reckons I look hot and can't keep his hands to himself.

Yesterday I had 8 teenagers in my house. Sophia went to a birthday party at the swimming centre and Nicola had her friends over for her 13th birthday party. The theme was wacky hair and mismatched clothes and there were some great outfits at the party.

All in all, everyone had a great time and they all played Guitar Hero World Tour for the afternoon. I was a good girl and only ate 2 pieces of pizza, 2 small soft lollies, 5 barbeque shapes and 3 potato chips at the party which was good for me, normally I would eat a lot more.

The biggest shock I have had though is that even under duress I can still keep my focus going and not bow in to temptation of fatty food. All up, I say I am doing pretty well today.

Looking forward to decorating Nicola's cake for her actual birthday tomorrow and sitting up tonight wrapping her gifts. Biggest challenge will be to not eat the frosting as I go, that is a habit of mine. I think that my progress is showing though, let me know what you think of the latest photo taken today of me fixing the picture frame on the wall.

Until next time,

Exhilirated about Exercise

2009-01-17T22:53:00.003+10:30

I have been very slack, I didn't post yesterday.

The reason is that I was very busy yesterday and didn't even have time to scratch any itches I might have had. Went food shopping yesterday and zoomed through the aisles like a fiend all the while pushing a very heavy trolley. Managed to make it home in time to go and pick up Ryan's friend who was staying at our house for the afternoon. Whilst they played Xbox together, I took the girls to the library and went and had coffee with my Mum. I then got home thinking I had to take Ryan's friend home but got a reprieve and headed to the gym for a major workout which lasted all of 90 minutes, the very first time I have managed to be on a treadmill for that long and only sweat a little bit. I wasn't out of breath and I felt fantastic. I walked 9.3Km and wanted to scream with happiness. Felt exhausted later on though and my muscles started stiffening up so I had a long, hot shower to take away the aches, it worked. Woke up this morning feeling only tired but full of zing.

Took Sophia to her art class and then went home to get ready for another gym session. This one only lasted an hour but only because I had to go and do present shopping for Nicola who is turning 13 on Tuesday. After all of the walking I still felt energetic, there is no better feeling.

It has been a triumphant couple of days and even with all of the exercise I have made some wise food choices and some not so wise but I know it will balance itself out in the end. I'm looking forward to weigh in on Wednesday to see if my efforts have paid off.

Until next time,

On the steps to slim......

2009-01-15T11:48:00.003+10:30

I had a nerve wracking day yesterday as I waited for time to go by until my weight watchers meeting last night. Nothing could contain the nervousness as I got through the day. I went to pay school fees and collect school books in the afternoon, buy milk and then go home and await my mother in law's arrival for coffee (she is so nice). After having her turn up with cheerfulness that I so desperately needed to be around, she left and I quickly got myself organised to go to my meeting. Upon arrival, it was chaos. The leader hadn't shown as yet so no product were available for purchase. The person weighing everyone in was being really funny (strange) with the lady who has been doing it for a little while and the lady who usually takes everyone's payment for meetings unless you are prepaid ended up doing all of the signing up of new people which is usually the leader's job. I waited in line to weigh in all the while chatting with my friends and then it got to my turn. I signed the form to say I had attended, handed over my progress book and stepped on the scales all the while pleading with them to give me a good result and hopefully break the 20 Kg loss mark. I got the best surprise I could have hoped for. I smashed the 20 Kg loss mark by a whole 400 g. I was over the moon.

It has meant that I am so close to goal and it is only a few more steps to slim. The next goal is the 25Kg mark. I now only have 11 Kg to go before I reach goal. I nearly cried. I didn't stay for my meeting because the leader ended up being so late, that I couldn't wait any longer for her. I have decided to attend another meeting to hear this week's information for inspiration to help me keep going.

Driving home I decided to listen to John Butler's song Used To Get High as it has been my mantra song since I started Weight Watchers. The lyrics are very appropriate now and I find two lines in particular really hit home for me.

The lyrics are:

I used to get high for a living
Believing everything that i saw on my tv
I used to get high for a living
Eating all the bullshit food that they sold me
I used to get high for a living
Thinking that my destiny was out of my control

The lines "I used to get high for a living thinking that my destiny was out of my control" is very poignant as I used to just eat without thinking about the consequences and thinking about what I was doing to my body. I couldn't understand that I was slowly poisoning my insides which in turn was making me fat. It certainly shows now, that with proper diet and exercise I am healthier than I have been in a very long time and I'm happier too. Weight Watchers has given me a new lease of life and I feel freer than I ever have.

Until next time,

Feeling tired.....

2009-01-14T00:36:00.003+10:30

Ok, I have to admit that my staying up 'til all hours is starting to catch up with me but it could even be the heat. Today it was 42 degrees and scorching, you could have fried an egg. I ended up having to take my rabbit to the vet with an infection of some sort, turned out to be a urinary tract infection coupled with a uterine infection, she was so matted from the experience of it all that I cleaned and clipped her before taking her to the vet. She is now on antibiotics but going out of the house with her felt awful. The air was so dry, it hurt to breathe.

I didn't do any exercise today because it was so hot, I couldn't justify it after getting the rabbit organised for the vet which took me 3 hours to do and then having to go lodge a form and cook dinner. Ended up sort of dancing at the Delta Goodrem concert I went to tonight with Nicola. The concert was well worth the $99 ticket as she gave a great performance.

Food-wise was good too, even had extra points left over that I used to treat myself to the magnum I passed on the night before. Sometimes temptation does get the better of me but I did know that I could have one, here's hoping it hasn't damaged my chances of reaching my 20 Kg goal at my Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow night. Only time will tell when I get on the scales.

Ok, I can't procrastinate any further, I need sleep.

Until next time,

I am getting there....

2009-01-12T23:50:00.002+10:30

Okay, I have to admit that my body has been reprogrammed.

No longer do I go to the cupboard for comfort food, no longer do I not care what I am eating on my dinner plate, no longer do I just pick the first dessert I see. Things have definitely changed for the better. Exercise is now a fun thing for me to do rather than moaning and groaning when I even have to walk for long periods, I can run in short bursts without feeling out of breath or heavy in the feet. Food is now fun with many choices and challenges to make it interesting and making the food in itself is rewarding, particularly when hubby and the kids say wow, that was delicious!

Tonight was an example of all of that. Dinner was thrown together with meat, vegetables and salad but I didn't serve myself any of the mashed potato I made and hubby was kind enough to grill a special patty for my dinner along with the tiny chicken wings that were marinated for dinner. I realised I hadn't eaten any dairy foods for the day and accompanied my dinner with a cheese sandwich - can't remember the last time I had sliced bread, I forgot I had it and it went mouldy in the bread bin. Mental note to self is to now take slices out of the freezer and just defrost in the microwave for consumption so as to not waste food.

After dinner, hubby suggested a walk but I couldn't keep the slow pace he and our friend were walking at, I sped up ahead to give myself a workout on the way to the service station for an icecream. I automatically chose a chocolate paddle pop, nice enough to satisfy a chocolate icecream fix with low points and avoided the Heaven icecream I wasn't interested in. We then headed back home but once again the pace was too slow and hubby encouraged me to increase the pace so I jogged. I had to stop after a while though as my ponytail was falling out due to not having tightened the elastic enough around my hair. I was only slightly out of breath but fixed my hair, adjusted carrying my water bottle and took off again in another sprint. I stopped to cross the road and then walked at a fast pace keeping momentum to give a good workout with steady breathing all the way home. I headed straight for the shower but was pleased with my efforts.

I can no longer say that I don't know what I am doing, my body is on auto-pilot.

Last Wednesday I weighed in at 85.9 Kg, that makes it 19.5 Kg lost with Weight Watchers and 34.5 Kg lost altogether, not a bad effort. Can't wait for this week's weigh in, maybe I will break the 20 Kg barrier this week, we shall see.

Until next time,

Not tired yet....

2009-01-12T01:16:00.000+10:30

Okay, it is 1:16am and I'm not in bed yet. I know I should be but I just don't feel tired. Maybe it is because I took the kids to see Bedtime Stories at the movies and am still excited over it, I don't know. I've just created my blog and I want to add the photos to show how things were before I started. I am still new at this so hopefully I will learn quickly. If anyone has any ideas or tips that might be important for me to know, please please let me know! I don't want to stuff anything up!

Ok, I guess I should go to bed and I will post later on today when my brain is a little less foggy and when I have some more info to give to you.

Hello & Welcome

2008-01-10T00:18:00.005+10:30

Hi there,

My name is Sonya and this is my blog. Firstly I would like to say welcome to the continuation of a long journey which started in 2007.

To give you an idea of where I have come from and where I am going, I shall give you the story of what happened to me to bring me to this point in my life and how it has made me determined to keep going.

In 2007 I was obese and depressed. I hated myself and didn't want to look in the mirror.

I went to a birthday party for my father in law in May 2007. We went to a beautiful restaurant that served my favourite food - Italian. I was in 7th heaven as I ate garlic bread, bruschetta, steak diane and white chocolate mud cake. Driving home however I started to feel violently ill. I went to bed and woke up the next morning feeling like I had gastro. I recovered but found that whenever I made anything with a rich flavour containing tomatoes, capsicum, garlic and onion, I felt physically sick and had really bad heartburn and stomach cramps. I knew something was wrong. I was 115Kg and very sick.

I saw my GP and asked for a referral to a gastroenterologist. I wanted to see if I had a stomach ulcer or any other problems with my stomach. I was booked in for an endoscopy after a full family history questionnaire. Although I was the right age (30) to be getting an ulcer, I didn't have one and was diagnosed as healthy. This frustrated me so I decided to go back to bland, basic food in order to keep going. My meals were rice and steamed vegetables. I ate bland cereal with no toppings other than a banana and milk. It was not a good diet and one which left me craving for fun food. After 12 weeks I had dropped 15 Kg and felt better so I decided to try normal foods. Over the next few months I put weight back on. After being on a bland diet for so long, all the cake and stuff I ate encouraged my body to regain 5.4 Kgs. I was starting to go backwards and I was deeply unhappy.

A friend visited me one day and I told her how desperate I was to lose more weight. She suggested I come to a Weight Watchers meeting with her. I arrived feeling overwhelmed by it all. I rang home after seeing how many people were in the room and begged my hubby to let me join Weight Watchers, which he agreed to, so I signed up that night.

I have been steadily going to Weight Watchers for over a year and have lost a total of 25 Kg to reach the top end of the healthy BMI scale of 25, and I am still going. I want to have a goal weight of 74 Kg.

I wish I had joined Weight Watchers a lot sooner, I would have felt as free as I do now a lot earlier in life.

Enjoy my blog.

Cheers,